DEAR HARRIETTE: We are having several events to celebrate Black History Month at my job. That’s all OK, I guess, but I don’t really want to participate. This is not because I am racist. I don’t participate in any of the other heritage events during the year, so I’m not discriminating. But these Black History Month events are much higher profile. I feel like I am going to be judged for not attending and possibly even called racist. How can I handle this and maintain a good reputation at work? -- No Celebrating

DEAR NO CELEBRATING: A critical part of being a team player in a work community is participating in the big events -- and often the smaller ones -- that are produced for the staff. The higher-profile events do bring more scrutiny in terms of who attends. Sure, you could tell anyone who asks that you don’t attend any such events. But I recommend that you adopt a more inclusive strategy. Think about the bigger picture.

You can go to events during Black History Month as well as the various other causes and engagements for a few minutes. Pay your respects and go on with the rest of your day. Those few minutes of socializing, preferably at the beginning of the event when the stakeholders are in the room, will be a far more efficient use of your time than explaining away others’ judgment of your absence.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I get the newspaper delivered to my home every weekend. It has always been a bit problematic because I live in an apartment building, and rather than the delivery person bringing it to my door, he leaves all of the papers at the entrance of the building. I would say that about once a month, somebody takes my paper. I go downstairs on a Saturday or a Sunday to get the paper, and there isn't one. I have been tempted to take somebody else’s paper, but that’s not right. I can’t figure out who is stealing the paper, or if sometimes it isn’t delivered. When I ask the delivery person to drop it at my door, he says he can't. What recourse do I have? -- Missing Paper

DEAR MISSING PAPER: This is quite a predicament in that you cannot control the movement or safe arrival of your paper. Contact the newspaper every time yours is missing and ask for a refund. If you do that insistently and regularly enough -- with the success of receiving a refund -- they may change their delivery policy.

Otherwise, you may have to accept that you will lose a few papers or decide to receive the whole thing online. I know the latter is difficult if you are like me and you like to hold the paper in your hands.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am cleaning out my closets and trying to make more space in my house. I have accumulated so much over time, including some pretty great clothing. I could give it all to Goodwill or the Salvation Army, but I also like the idea of getting something back for my clothes. I know that some people use websites to offload old stuff. What do you recommend? Part of me is concerned that if I go the route of selling at a discount online, it will just keep the stuff in my house for a lot longer. -- Purging

DEAR PURGING: If you can give yourself a deadline and stick to it, you can potentially earn money selling your old clothing -- and other household goods. Acting like the yard sales of my youth, there are now many websites that allow you to post your gently used items that you feature with photos and discounted pricing. Some popular options are eBay.com, Tradesy.com, MaterialWorld.co, Etsy.com, Poshmark.com, ThredUp.com, Bonanza.com and Shopify.com.

I will add that if your home is bordering on hoarding status, you may want to dump the items on your sidewalk on trash pickup day, call a company like 1-800-GOT-JUNK or take your items to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. If you do that, you can get tax write-off slips that will allow you a bit of relief at tax time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine let me know that my boyfriend from a few years back is homeless and living in a shelter. He lost his job a couple of years ago, one thing led to the next, and he lost his apartment. I feel awful for him. He is a really nice guy with a big heart. I can’t imagine what it’s like for him. My friend told me that he still has the same cellphone number. She encouraged me to call and check in on him. I’m not sure if I should. I do like him, but I don’t have any money to give him, and I’m in a relationship. Do you think it will be misleading to reconnect with him? -- Homeless Ex

DEAR HOMELESS EX: If you care about your ex -- as a person -- definitely give him a call. Tell him that you learned about his misfortune and you wanted to offer moral support. Ask him how he’s doing and what his plans are. Tell him that you are sorry that he has fallen on hard times, but you know he is a good person and you pray that he will be able to be in a better place soon.

Be upfront and let him know that you are reaching out to him as a friend only. Tell him that you are in a relationship now. If you are up for it, allow him to contact you from time to time as he manages through this difficult period.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son wants to become a police officer, and I am worried. I know that it is a so-called good, stable job with benefits. But I worry that he will end up being killed in the line of duty. Plus, these days the community doesn’t trust cops the way they did when I was growing up. I know I can’t make this decision for him, but I really wish he would go for something else. How can I get him to consider another path? -- Say No to Cop

DEAR SAY NO TO COP: You should not try to dash your son’s dreams. Yes, being a police officer comes with certain potential dangers, but he knows that already. We need strong, honest community members to go into law enforcement. Perhaps your son can help to bring back that spirit of community that you appreciated when you were growing up.

Rather than stomping on his dreams, you can express your concerns but give your son your blessing for him to find out if this is the right career for him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a neighbor who complains about her daughter all the time. Her daughter is an adult who started her life off great. She is smart and was driven to make something of her life, but then she got caught up with a ne’er-do-well guy, and everything went downhill from there. They started smoking crack, and the next thing you know, this young woman with so much potential has taken a nosedive. She can’t keep a job. She has stolen from the family home and destroyed property in the house. The police have come to their apartment several times, causing disruption and fear in many of the neighbors -- especially those who have children.

Some days this young woman seems perfectly normal. You would never know she has a problem, but her mother assures me that she is still addicted to crack. As a neighbor, I’m not sure what to do. On occasion this young woman has asked me to buzz her into the building or to use my phone. I have known her for most of her life, but I don’t want to become a pawn in this. I also don’t want to let her into my house. How can I establish boundaries? -- Neighbor of an Addict

DEAR NEIGHBOR OF AN ADDICT: Start with the mom. Ask her how she recommends you interact with her daughter. Ask if she thinks you should let her in the building or engage her in any way. If she recommends no engagement, you may have to keep your head low when you see the young woman and not comply with her requests. If you have to go that route, you could also apologize and say you’re sorry, but you can’t help out anymore.

Given that the mother has told you that the daughter has vandalized her own home, you should not let her into your home. As awkward as it may seem, even if you let her use your phone, do so outside your door. Mostly, you need to stay out of this. Until this woman is successfully treated for drug addiction, her behavior will likely be unpredictable.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)