DEAR HARRIETTE: My father died nearly 20 years ago, and I am only now dealing with the grief that I had bottled up over the years. I realize that I was angry with him for many years for things that happened when I was a child. Now that I am a parent myself, I see that he was doing the best he could. There are things that he messed up on, but when I look back on it, I think that he did way more good than bad. How can I forgive myself for not appreciating my father more when he was alive? I feel horrible. -- Needing Forgiveness

DEAR NEEDING FORGIVENESS: Grief is fascinating; it can rise up many years after a loved one’s passing. It can feel raw and real, even more so than the early days. The good news is that you are able to see your father more compassionately and with greater perspective of what it means to be a parent and a provider. When you were younger, you did not have the skill set or understanding that you have today. You can forgive yourself for whatever naivete you had back then and for not having the capacity for compassion at the time. You can also forgive him for whatever he did that left you wanting.

You may want to see a therapist to help you explore your past and wrestle out of any emotional stranglehold that is trapping you. It may have taken all this time for you to be ready for a breakthrough.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work from home, which is good -- for the most part. I have flexible hours, and I am pretty efficient. But lately, I have been feeling down and disconnected from other people. I don’t go out much anymore. Now that it’s cold, I often pass on invitations to go to events in the city or to meet up with friends. My world is narrowing, which isn't good, but I also can’t seem to shake it. I make plans to go out, but then cancel. I order in food, and I even have my laundry picked up and delivered. How can I break out of this pattern? I don’t feel happy or motivated at all. -- Self-Exiled

DEAR SELF-EXILED: You may be experiencing seasonal affective disorder, which is a real condition, a form of depression that affects many people as the seasons change. In the fall and winter, those suffering from this disorder often feel helpless and isolated. According to the Mayo Clinic, some of the symptoms include: feeling depressed most of the day, nearly every day; losing interest in activities you once enjoyed; having low energy; experiencing changes in your appetite or weight; feeling sluggish or agitated; having difficulty concentrating; feeling hopeless, worthless or guilty; or having frequent thoughts of death or suicide.

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms in a consistent way, it is time to go to the doctor to get help. If your symptoms are mild, doctors say that light therapy can be helpful. Literally going outside when the sun is shining can brighten your spirits. Psychotherapy can also support you during this difficult time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my mentees is getting married overseas, and she invited my husband and me to her wedding. I really want to go. I like her so much. She has given us a fair amount of time to get ourselves in order, too -- the wedding is more than a year away.

My husband does not have a passport and does not want to get one. He is happy staying in the United States and thinks it’s frivolous to get on a plane to go overseas to a wedding. I disagree. This young woman is important to me, and I want to support her. I have traveled overseas before with my sister and some college friends. If I go, this would be the first time I would travel by myself. Do you think I should go anyway? -- Going to the Wedding

DEAR GOING TO THE WEDDING: Given that you have traveled successfully abroad already, it is clear that you know how to travel internationally. It’s too bad that your husband chooses not to join you, but if he is dead set against it, then you are left to make an independent choice. Since you feel drawn to attend this wedding, do a bit more research. Find out from the bride who else is going and if there might be someone who could be your travel buddy. Flying with someone who is going to the same event could make your trip that much richer. But if that doesn’t work out, just go!

Be sure not to needle your husband about his choice, though; you have to be OK with both of your decisions. That attitude might actually get him to reconsider broadening his horizons at some point.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend from my son’s school who is active in the PTA, and so am I. We get along great, and he is one of the most engaged people on our team. I like working with him, except that he has really bad breath. I mean, it's horrible. He knows it, too. He often puts his hand over his mouth as he is talking, which can make it hard to understand his words but easier to stomach the smell. I try to position myself so that I’m not directly in line with his face so that it can be easier to talk to him. Besides that, is there anything I should do? I can’t imagine that it would be smart for me to say anything to him about it directly. -- Bad Breath

DEAR BAD BREATH: This is a challenging situation to deal with. Unfortunately, it is both common and uncomfortable. For a variety of reasons, most people have had bad breath before. For someone with a chronic condition, foul breath is often a sign of a serious medical condition, not just halitosis. Still, it’s not your place to inquire, especially since you know he is aware of it. This is a grin-and-bear-it situation.

For anyone reading who may suffer from bad breath, you should make sure you are brushing and flossing regularly -- especially after meals to remove any food particles. Know that gum disease, diabetes or a sinus infection can cause halitosis. When in doubt, go to the doctor to find out.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Several people in my neighborhood work for the government, and the stress of the shutdown is wearing on them. My husband and I are on Social Security, so we rely on the government, too. We are in a situation that feels like a sinking ship.

I think it might be smart for us to band together and cook some meals. Sometimes it costs less when you make more. I don’t know. I hate seeing people suffer. Do you think it’s a good idea to suggest a potluck kind of thing? Maybe it could boost people’s spirits if we are all together? We have gotten together before over the years, but usually for happy reasons. -- Shutdown

DEAR SHUTDOWN: First, I want to say that I hope that by the time this is published, the government shutdown is over. It is already the longest in recorded history, which is nothing for us to feel good about. I have seen and read many stories of individuals and families who are struggling. This crisis has revealed that many Americans live from paycheck to paycheck. As we hear stories about the "booming" economy, I have consistently heard people complain that they don’t know who is benefiting from this boom.

Your idea for a neighborhood potluck is excellent. It represents a way that everyone can break bread together more affordably as you offer support and good fellowship. Knowing that you are not alone at a time like this can be helpful. When you invite your neighbors, make it easy for them to participate by being a good organizer. State what you will make and ask what they can bring. Keep your tone upbeat so that they know this gathering is meant to inspire everyone to weather this economic storm.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in an apartment building with a lot of different people of various backgrounds. One elderly woman is kind and talkative. Whenever I see her, she wants to have a leisurely conversation about whatever is on her mind. It’s sweet, and I want to be able to spend time with her, but usually I am dashing off to work or to an appointment. I see how frustrating it can be for her when she is ready to settle in for a chat and I have to run. I don’t mean to hurt her feelings. How can I best address this situation? I know I can’t make myself available every time I see her, but there’s got to be something I can do to be more attentive to her. -- Time for Elders

DEAR TIME FOR ELDERS: Always greet your neighbor with a warm smile and hello. When you know you cannot stop, tell her you have to go, but you look forward to speaking with her at another time. Follow up with her, and ask if you can bring her tea or come to visit from time to time. If you do make a date, make sure you show up on time. Be prepared to stay awhile, but also manage expectations by letting her know how long you can stay and that you will return.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)