DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are in our late 50s, and we are working hard to get fit. My husband is much further along, as he is way more disciplined than I am. But we are both working on it.

I am beginning to feel defeated, mostly because I am not disciplined enough. But also, my husband has lost about 20 pounds and a bunch of inches, while I think I have gained. How can I maintain enthusiasm when I am feeling like a failure? -- Weight Loss

DEAR WEIGHT LOSS: Don’t measure yourself against your husband. If you can, find a buddy with whom you can work out, someone who is less threatening than your husband. What you need is motivation to keep moving your body and making smart choices.

Suggest to your husband that you work together to create meals that are low-calorie and healthy. You can work together and on your own or with a buddy. If you make smart choices consistently, it will lead you to better health. Do your best to stop competing with your husband. Men tend to lose weight faster than women. Let him be an inspiration to you, rather than an unpleasant competition. Consider that you are in this life together to be your best. Right now, you both have the same goal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I graduated from college a few years ago, and I haven’t figured out what to do with my life. I have dreams, but nothing has worked out yet. My parents want me to join the family business, but I’m not really interested in it. I recognize it would be a tremendous head start in that field. I would get a lot more accomplished in a shorter amount of time because they’ve already paved the way and made all of the connections. I’m thinking about doing that for a little while and then hiring people to run it; after that, I'll spin off to do what I really want to do. What do you think about my plan? -- Next Steps

DEAR NEXT STEPS: It sounds like your parents are throwing you a lifeline. You should seriously consider taking it, but you must keep in mind that you have to take it seriously. They have worked hard to build a business. If you go into it, you have to be fully devoted to getting it to the next level. It cannot be just a stopgap until you figure out what’s next.

It’s OK to not stay in the business forever. In order to do so, though, you should figure out a strategic plan that sets the business on course for prolonged success, where you identify leaders to take over when the time is right. You must keep your parents informed along the way. They should know your intentions before you take over. If they are willing to support your plan, then you can go in with honesty and integrity. But you must give your all to the family business while you are in it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I spoke to an old friend, who told me that one of his closest friends just died. He said that in the past year, he has lost most of his oldest friends and worries that he will be alone soon. He has a wife and a grown child, plus I am his friend, and he has other friends, too. But I understand what he means. Sometimes you can feel totally alone, even if you have people around. Feeling a sense of mortality when you start losing your friends is natural, I guess.

How can I let my friend know that I am there for him? Now that he is so sad, I want to make sure that he feels comforted by those of us who are still alive. What can I do or say? -- Helping a Friend

DEAR HELPING A FRIEND: Stay in close touch with your friend. Tell him directly how much you love him and care about him. Tell him you share his sadness at the loss of his good friend. Assure him that he is not alone -- you are present, along with other close friends. Over the next few weeks and months, call him regularly and invite him to meet for coffee or drinks. Text him to check on him. As time goes by, check in with him. By establishing a new rhythm with your friend, you can help him to feel better and strengthen your bond.

I did this with one of my dear friends when her husband died. We went from speaking intermittently to speaking on the phone almost every weekday morning until she died several years later. She was sad, and I think our communications helped ease her pain.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend spends a ton of time on social media, but she doesn’t like or comment on my posts. She is blowing up social media on the regular -- making comments on many of her friends’ pages, but she hardly ever says anything on mine, and we are supposed to be a couple. Sometimes, I even feel like she is flirting with people online. When I ask her about this, she says she wants to keep her personal life private. I don’t know how I feel about that. Some of her posts sound personal, but they are with people who are peripheral to her.

I have asked her to engage with me on social media, but she doesn’t do it. Otherwise, we seem to be cool, but I don’t like being invisible when I’m supposed to be her guy. -- Invisible Man

DEAR INVISIBLE MAN: The world of social media is increasingly more complicated, in part because it is hard to separate real life from cyber life. Perhaps your girlfriend is trying to do that by keeping you and your life with her separate from her social media orbit.

Before losing your cool, evaluate whether her offline behaviors demonstrate commitment and honest connection to you and your relationship. It could be true that she wants to keep you out of the social media fray. The flirting part is another matter. Talk to her about that directly. Ultimately, both of you need to be comfortable with the ways in which you engage each other and the rest of the world, including cyber connections. Communication is key here. Talk it out, even if it’s hard to do.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A dear friend of mine has recently lost her husband of 24 years to a blood clot that traveled to his heart. She has four children who are currently in school, with one still in grade school.

I reached out to my friend to offer my condolences, and I told her I would help her and her family. When is the best time for me to extend my hand to help? I don’t have money to offer, but I do have time. I can help with homework, around the house -- things like that. -- When to Help

DEAR WHEN TO HELP: Call your friend and ask if you can come by to visit on the weekend. Schedule a time to sit down and talk to her. Check in to see how she is managing and what, if anything, she has put in place to support herself and the children thus far. Go there with clarity about what you can commit to doing to help them out. This is important because you don’t want to offer something that you cannot consistently fulfill. Think about what you can do on a regular basis and what can be one-off duties. Be mindful not to be too pushy. Just let her know that you want to support her in whatever ways you are able.

Remind your friend that there are people who love her and the children, and that she is not alone. You may want to reach out to other friends of hers to see if they are able to pitch in as well. Since she has younger children, I'm sure she will appreciate the support.

If she is reluctant to accept your help at first, do not give up. She is in mourning and trying to figure out her new life. It may take time for her to welcome your generosity.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got accepted to attend New York University to pursue a master’s degree in public policy. Words cannot contain my excitement about potentially attending my dream school -- but there is one problem. I don't have the money to pay for the tuition. The cost is way outside my budget, but I do not want to miss this opportunity. I could attend a graduate school I can afford, but I really want to attend my dream school, and I don’t know what to do. -- Fulfilling a Dream

DEAR FULFILLING A DREAM: This is a hard one. You have been accepted to an excellent school. Contact the admissions office to see if there are any scholarships or financial awards that they offer. It is less likely, though, for a graduate program as opposed to undergraduate. Ask about on-campus jobs or other opportunities that might defray costs. Work with them to see if there is any chance of shaving off some of the tuition. You can also look into securing a loan to help you pay for school.

That said, I also strongly recommend that you not go into tremendous debt. Can you recast your dream toward the actual work you want to do? Think more broadly than where you secure your degree to where you want to work. Set your sights on that. I think you should attend a school you can afford and get to the job without tremendous financial burden.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)