DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a social media message from one of my college professors. It was so nice to hear from him after more than 30 years, especially since he was a big help to me when I was struggling with some social issues at school. He believed in me and pushed me to stay focused. I hadn’t thought about him for a long time, and then I got this really nice holiday greeting.

On one hand, I feel bad about not staying in touch with my professor over the years. On the other hand, I am happy that he is still alive and doing well and thinking about me. I want to respond to him. Should I apologize for being MIA for so long, or just jump in and start talking to him? -- Reconnected

DEAR RECONNECTED: Stay in the moment and respond to him with all the joy that you feel. Tell him about what you have been doing with your life, and ask him about his own. Thank him for getting in touch with you. Suggest that the two of you stay better connected moving forward. Then take the initiative. Send him emails or give him a call from time to time. You may want to include it on your calendar or as an alarm on your smartphone. Perhaps you can call this professor once a quarter, or something like that. It will be meaningful to him for you to reach out with some consistency. You can always fill the time with stories about what’s happening in your life. As he was your teacher and encourager, he will surely be thrilled to hear what’s happening and offer advice as needed. Just make sure that you find out about his life as well. If he needs support, do your best to offer help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine just told me that her husband wants to get a divorce after more than 20 years of marriage. This is totally rocking my world. They have been the example of a happy, loving couple and solid parents for me and my husband -- and a whole bunch of other couples -- for years. We have been friends for at least half of their marriage. My husband and I like them both. This is so weird.

My friend doesn’t want to break up, but it sounds like her husband is done. I feel so sorry for her, but also worried for all of us. Really, they were the example of how to do it. It looked like they worked through challenges well and seemed to always figure it out. I want to be there for my friend, but I also want to think about what to do to shore up my own marriage. -- Shaken to the Core

DEAR SHAKEN TO THE CORE: It is always devastating to hear of the end of a marriage, especially one that has flourished for so long. Be an avid listener for your friend. Do not give advice or pass judgment. Just make sure she knows that you want to be there for her during this tough time. Be sure to keep what she shares with you confidential.

For your own marriage, use this opportunity to talk openly with your husband about what’s working well and what could be improved. Check in with each other to determine if you are doing well -- from both perspectives -- or if you need counseling or any course correction. Your friend’s crisis can serve as a wakeup call to the rest of your group. Take heed.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a holiday party with a bunch of people I have known for some time. One woman who recently got divorced was “hanging from the rafters,” so to speak. She was obviously drunk. She wasn’t obnoxious, but her behavior was a bit much.

I typically give people a pass at parties with lots of alcohol, but I am a bit worried about her. She is in a vulnerable position after getting divorced. Her husband is the one with the dough. If she acts out too much, who knows if it will affect the alimony? Should I say anything to her? -- Drunk Night Out

DEAR DRUNK NIGHT OUT: If this woman’s behavior is out of the ordinary, it may just be that she consumed a bit too much that night. Because you know that she has been going through a difficult period, it would be kind of you to check in with her to see how she’s doing. Don’t bring up the inebriated night. Instead, talk to her about her new life. Ask if she is doing OK. Find out if she needs anything.

If you see this woman act out again at a public event, you should say something specific about the alcohol consumption. Know that if you have to go down that path, people don’t usually respond well to criticism about drinking too much. If you do say something, express your concern for your friend’s well-being -- again, without passing judgment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Let me start by saying my house is a mess. I know I need help, because no matter how much time I spend “cleaning up,” it is still in total disarray.

A couple of days after Christmas, my next-door neighbor rang my bell. I don’t usually answer the doorbell, because I don’t want to invite anybody in, but this time I answered. It was my neighbor and her baby coming to pay a visit. I was happy to see them, but I was not about to let them in, so I stood in the doorway and visited with them there. AWKWARD! I said I would stop by another day to talk to them. I feel like a jerk, but I know it was the right decision. My house is no place for a baby. What can I say to my neighbor so that she won’t feel like I was rejecting her personally? -- Climbing Out of a Mess

DEAR CLIMBING OUT OF A MESS: The first step toward handling a difficult situation is talking about it, and realizing that you are aware of the problem and are willing and ready to deal with it. Knock on your neighbor’s door one day and ask to talk. Tell her the truth: Your home is a mess. You aren’t proud of it, but it’s true. When she came over the other day, you couldn’t let her in. It is not tidy enough for a baby. Admit how humiliating it is to have to tell her this. Explain that you mentioned it because you don’t want her to think that you were rejecting her when you didn’t let her in.

Your next step is to get some help to clean your house. Find a home organizer or even a hoarding specialist. Look for one in your hometown. If this problem has been persistent, you may want to see a counselor. Hoarding is considered a mental illness. For more on how to help yourself to stop hoarding, visit helpforhoarders.co.uk/self-help.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a holiday party with a large number of guests. Among them was my high school ex. I am now in my 50s, but we have remained friendly over the years. I haven’t seen him in person in a long time. It was so good to see him -- and his wife. They were very friendly and cordial, but it was a little awkward for me. I've held on to some lingering feelings for him, even after we both have led our separate lives. Everything was fine, but I feel stupid for still caring about him. Is that normal? -- Old Flame Won't Die

DEAR OLD FLAME WON’T DIE: When you truly love someone, those feelings can easily last forever. There’s no sin in that. What is not good is if you try to make something of those old feelings long after you and this person have moved on with your lives. Holding on to the lingering feelings is not wise. Acknowledging that this man holds a special place in your heart is OK. You don’t need to share those thoughts with him -- or anyone else.

Check in with yourself. What do you feel today? Beyond the awkwardness that may have been connected to old behavior, have you done anything in the present to warrant shame? If not, just let this man go. Wish him and his wife well within your own heart. Next time you see or talk to him, be grateful for the long-term friendship, and don’t try to turn it into more than that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working on a freelance project for two years now. There are aspects of it that I like, but my boss is erratic and temperamental. Plus, the pay is so low that it adds up to less than minimum wage. I have a college degree and wanted to apply my skills to a job, but I want to be paid for my work. I’m kind of afraid to leave this position, but I know I need to make more money. The other problem is that this job takes up a lot of time. What should I do? -- Stuck Below Minimum Wage

DEAR STUCK BELOW MINIMUM WAGE: Start looking online and in your local newspaper for job opportunities. You owe it to yourself at least to poke around and see what’s out there. Brush off your resume and look around. This will help you to determine if you are poised well for a better job.

You can also look at legitimate minimum-wage jobs that might tide you over for a set amount of time while you look for more optimal employment. Staying at a job that is abusive will only corrode your self-esteem over time. Be mindful not to stay there too long.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)