DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a holiday party with a bunch of people I have known for some time. One woman who recently got divorced was “hanging from the rafters,” so to speak. She was obviously drunk. She wasn’t obnoxious, but her behavior was a bit much.

I typically give people a pass at parties with lots of alcohol, but I am a bit worried about her. She is in a vulnerable position after getting divorced. Her husband is the one with the dough. If she acts out too much, who knows if it will affect the alimony? Should I say anything to her? -- Drunk Night Out

DEAR DRUNK NIGHT OUT: If this woman’s behavior is out of the ordinary, it may just be that she consumed a bit too much that night. Because you know that she has been going through a difficult period, it would be kind of you to check in with her to see how she’s doing. Don’t bring up the inebriated night. Instead, talk to her about her new life. Ask if she is doing OK. Find out if she needs anything.

If you see this woman act out again at a public event, you should say something specific about the alcohol consumption. Know that if you have to go down that path, people don’t usually respond well to criticism about drinking too much. If you do say something, express your concern for your friend’s well-being -- again, without passing judgment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Let me start by saying my house is a mess. I know I need help, because no matter how much time I spend “cleaning up,” it is still in total disarray.

A couple of days after Christmas, my next-door neighbor rang my bell. I don’t usually answer the doorbell, because I don’t want to invite anybody in, but this time I answered. It was my neighbor and her baby coming to pay a visit. I was happy to see them, but I was not about to let them in, so I stood in the doorway and visited with them there. AWKWARD! I said I would stop by another day to talk to them. I feel like a jerk, but I know it was the right decision. My house is no place for a baby. What can I say to my neighbor so that she won’t feel like I was rejecting her personally? -- Climbing Out of a Mess

DEAR CLIMBING OUT OF A MESS: The first step toward handling a difficult situation is talking about it, and realizing that you are aware of the problem and are willing and ready to deal with it. Knock on your neighbor’s door one day and ask to talk. Tell her the truth: Your home is a mess. You aren’t proud of it, but it’s true. When she came over the other day, you couldn’t let her in. It is not tidy enough for a baby. Admit how humiliating it is to have to tell her this. Explain that you mentioned it because you don’t want her to think that you were rejecting her when you didn’t let her in.

Your next step is to get some help to clean your house. Find a home organizer or even a hoarding specialist. Look for one in your hometown. If this problem has been persistent, you may want to see a counselor. Hoarding is considered a mental illness. For more on how to help yourself to stop hoarding, visit helpforhoarders.co.uk/self-help.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a holiday party with a large number of guests. Among them was my high school ex. I am now in my 50s, but we have remained friendly over the years. I haven’t seen him in person in a long time. It was so good to see him -- and his wife. They were very friendly and cordial, but it was a little awkward for me. I've held on to some lingering feelings for him, even after we both have led our separate lives. Everything was fine, but I feel stupid for still caring about him. Is that normal? -- Old Flame Won't Die

DEAR OLD FLAME WON’T DIE: When you truly love someone, those feelings can easily last forever. There’s no sin in that. What is not good is if you try to make something of those old feelings long after you and this person have moved on with your lives. Holding on to the lingering feelings is not wise. Acknowledging that this man holds a special place in your heart is OK. You don’t need to share those thoughts with him -- or anyone else.

Check in with yourself. What do you feel today? Beyond the awkwardness that may have been connected to old behavior, have you done anything in the present to warrant shame? If not, just let this man go. Wish him and his wife well within your own heart. Next time you see or talk to him, be grateful for the long-term friendship, and don’t try to turn it into more than that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working on a freelance project for two years now. There are aspects of it that I like, but my boss is erratic and temperamental. Plus, the pay is so low that it adds up to less than minimum wage. I have a college degree and wanted to apply my skills to a job, but I want to be paid for my work. I’m kind of afraid to leave this position, but I know I need to make more money. The other problem is that this job takes up a lot of time. What should I do? -- Stuck Below Minimum Wage

DEAR STUCK BELOW MINIMUM WAGE: Start looking online and in your local newspaper for job opportunities. You owe it to yourself at least to poke around and see what’s out there. Brush off your resume and look around. This will help you to determine if you are poised well for a better job.

You can also look at legitimate minimum-wage jobs that might tide you over for a set amount of time while you look for more optimal employment. Staying at a job that is abusive will only corrode your self-esteem over time. Be mindful not to stay there too long.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m an only child, raised by parents who were approaching 50 when I was born. Growing up, I was the only child on my street. I attended a small religious school that was several miles away from where we lived. I grew up very alone, and I learned to like being alone. I’ve come to realize that is my problem: I like being alone, yet everyone around me assumes that I am lonely, because I’ve never been married and have no children or other social ties.

I like people only in very small doses. I can enjoy being “interested” in a new person for 45 minutes, but then I have no desire to keep in touch. It takes a lot of effort to pretend to be interested in my co-workers’ lives for 10 minutes at a time, but really all I want is to do my job and then leave so I can go do the things that make me happy.

My idea of a perfect day is to go to a museum alone, and then eat solo at an ethnic restaurant that serves some type of food I’ve never tried before while socializing with the usually foreign staff, and then attending a lecture at a nearby university or go home and read. I have done many activities with other people, but I find their company exhausting.

I find it aggravating to lie and pretend that I have family obligations or some other made-up reason why I don’t have time to be someone’s friend. So what do I do? Telling the truth that I’m not interested in being social, let alone being someone’s best friend, ends up hurting people’s feelings. And telling polite lies leads people to try harder to persuade me to socialize. How do I cope with a world that is focused on social connection when I don't want that? -- Alone but Not Lonely, Boston

DEAR ALONE BUT NOT LONELY: Tell the truth: You are a loner. Ask people not to take it personally. Occasionally hang out with co-workers in an effort to be cordial.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandmother gets on my case all the time because I don’t clean the bathroom every day. She grew up in the ’50s and was a stay-at-home mom to three girls. However, I am a graduate student with a part-time job. I spend hours studying, and when I get some free time, I use it to do things I actually want to do.

My grandmother insists that everyone she knows cleans their house every day, and when she talks about cleaning the bathroom, she doesn’t mean just picking things up; she means spraying down all surfaces and thoroughly cleaning everything. I don’t think she understands that no one I know cleans their house that way every single day, and that because I’m busy most days and often tired, I don’t want to come home and clean the whole house.

Am I lazy, or am I right in telling her that I will not deep-clean my bathroom or apartment every day? The free time I have is precious. How often is appropriate? -- Deep-Cleaning Granny Issues, Milwaukee

DEAR DEEP-CLEANING GRANNY ISSUES: If you at least wipe up the bathroom daily, it will stay presentable and hygienic. Perhaps the compromise can be a daily wipe and a weekly deep clean?

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)