DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm 39 years old, and I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for seven years. Not long after moving into the house I own, my girlfriend quit her job. She's been unemployed for more than five years now. We've had sex once in the last three years.

Even though I care about my girlfriend and want her to be OK, I've checked out mentally. I’ve expressed that things aren’t working between us. I don't want to just throw her out; she would be homeless. I've offered to help her out with some money, but she refuses. We’ve gone through this before, and eventually she asks me to give our relationship more time or pretends like we haven't broken up, forcing me to remind her of our split and crushing her. This is wearing me down. What can I do to help her get out on her own without being a jerk? -- The Breakup, Denver

DEAR THE BREAKUP: The more you avoid the end, the more difficult it will be. Talk to a lawyer to find out your legal rights in “evicting” your girlfriend. It isn’t always easy to do. Research social services that may help her to make the most comfortable transition. Armed with this information, give her a deadline for moving out -- and stick to it. Help her pack her things. When the date comes, offer to drive her to her new home. If she has nowhere, drive her to a local shelter. Yes, this may seem harsh, but it may be the only way to cut the cord.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbors asked me to watch their dog while they went on vacation. It was supposed to be one dog, and another neighbor would also help. As the departure date neared, I learned that the other neighbor wouldn’t be helping, and I’d be watching both of their dogs, including a puppy that was not house-trained. The puppy had diarrhea the first four days they were gone. I had to go to their home four to five times a day for the seven days they were gone to walk the dogs all while tending to my three young children. Every time I went over, there was a mess. I spent $60 on cleaning supplies.

In hindsight, I realize my mistake was not getting payment arranged and in writing before they left. They brought back about $20 worth of gifts for my children, but it has been three months, and I’ve yet to see any other money for my time or expenses. My husband and I have given a few friendly reminders, but now we are both irritated. I feel disrespected and angry. What would be the best way to ask them to pay for my time and cleaning supplies? -- Doggy Care, Reisterstown, Maryland

DEAR DOGGY CARE: Submit a bill for reimbursement for all of the expenses that you incurred with a deadline for payment. If they do not pay within that timeframe, file a claim against them in small claims court. You need to wake them up to their responsibility. This should do it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a huge problem. My fiance and I have been together for two years, and we’re getting married next June. The problem is my soon-to-be mother-in-law. She is a wonderful woman, and we get along very well; however, she insists on tagging along on our honeymoon! She keeps pushing the idea of making it a family trip. My fiance told her that the honeymoon is going to be just for us. He tried to tell her we all could go someplace together another time, but she got upset. She abruptly got off the phone with him, saying she was "only joking," but she'd work on me.

This is becoming a nightmare. She's normally a pleasant and reasonable person, and I like her a lot. I don't understand how she can't see this is a huge intrusion. Can you help? I don't want to have to change my honeymoon destination to accommodate the three of us. -- Leave Mom at Home, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR LEAVE MOM AT HOME: You and your fiance need to get on the same page about this and stay strong. Your mother-in-law absolutely should not go on your honeymoon. Period. She may be feeling that she’s about to lose her baby, which could be why she’s being unreasonable. It could be that, selfishly, she just wants a vacation and doesn’t imagine that one will come for her anytime soon. Whatever her reasons, don’t cave to her emotions. Remind her that you love her, and ask her to stand down.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In two months -- after a mandatory one-year separation -- my divorce will be final. During this past year, I finally told my best friend, the man I wanted to marry in the first place, how I feel about him. He responded with great joy and told me he has felt the same way about me for many years. We are extremely happy together. He loves spending time with me doing the same things I enjoy, which is the basis of our friendship. My relationship with him is the exact opposite of the one I had with my ex-husband.

My problem is that my ex wants to give me away at my next wedding. When I told him I wanted our 2-year-old to walk down the aisle with me, he said no because he wants to be the one to do it. Then he added that it's his "right" to give me away, since he's my husband. My fiance and I don't even want my ex to attend because we're afraid he will act a fool. He's angry with my fiance because he was the best man when my ex and I married.

I am considering allowing him to walk me down the aisle because our daughter might want him at the wedding -- even though he rarely sees her. I feel guilty not wanting my ex at the wedding, but I will finally be marrying the man I wish I'd married in the first place, and I want the day to be fun and happy. What do you think about my ex's demand? -- So Confused, Bronx, New York

DEAR SO CONFUSED: Your ex should NOT walk you down the aisle. Nor should he be invited to the wedding. Handle your business. Get divorced. Then plan your wedding. Keep the lines divided, even as you remain cordial to your ex. Because you have a child together, he will remain in your life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a young woman who recently married a professional athlete. We both want children, but in a world where so many children are without loving homes, I can't imagine having biological offspring when we could provide a wonderful life for children who would never otherwise have one. My husband has always been supportive of this, but recently he brought up an interesting proposition: His ex-wife, who is older than me and has never remarried, asked him to be a sperm donor. She has a successful career and would not need financial support, but I think the idea is bizarre. He argues that they both have excellent genetics that would be "wasted" if they do not jump at what could be their only chance to have biological children. He said it is no different from donating sperm to a bank, except that he knows the mother will be able to provide well for his offspring. They split amicably due to the pressures of both of their careers. Am I being selfish to say she should find another sperm donor? -- Not My Husband, Houston

DEAR NOT MY HUSBAND: You need to evaluate your position on having children. While your husband seemed to be in agreement with you about adoption, it sounds like he would appreciate the opportunity to bring his own child into the world. I think it is emotionally dangerous for him to be a sperm donor for his ex-wife. That feels like an invitation for the two of them to either get back together or have a close relationship. There is no way that he will just be a donor and move on.

You may want to reconsider your views on giving birth to a child. What if you have a child biologically and adopt a child? Many families do that. No matter what, you need to have a heart-to-heart with your husband. Let him know that you are uncomfortable with his ex’s proposition.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I always thought that my wife and I had the perfect marriage. When I discovered she was having an affair, it hit me like a train wreck. After many weeks of trying to discover who she really is, I found out she has had several affairs throughout our 15-year marriage. I still love my wife, and I think I could forgive her and regain my trust in her. The problem is, she says she is trying to recover from her actions, so she can no longer hear about my problems or respond to any of my questions.

She is now saying I need to see someone to discuss our issues. We are already seeing a marriage counselor, but I think he is too connected to us as a couple. What do you think? -- Additional Counseling, Denver

DEAR ADDITIONAL COUNSELING: The actress Ruby Dee once told me that a marriage stays alive as long as one of the spouses really wants the marriage to survive. She cautioned that if neither partner is willing to fight for the marriage, it will wither.

You seem to be willing to keep fighting for your marriage. Tell your wife that you don’t want to give up, but you need her to be a more active participant in the healing. Talk to your current counselor and ask for advice. He should be able to suggest professional next steps. Give yourself a timeline. To regain trust, you have to work together. Don’t wait too long for your wife to decide to choose you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)