DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read the letter from a person whose sleep is constantly disturbed by a rambunctious child in the apartment upstairs. You cautioned the writer not to suggest to the parents that the child be checked for developmental delays or other conditions. I am a speech-language pathologist who has worked with children of all ages with autism, ADHD and myriad other conditions that would produce the kind of behavior described in the letter. As a professional, I need to emphasize that the earlier a child gets attention for these kinds of issues, the more likely the child is to be able to learn to manage -- or even sometimes overcome -- their problems. It might not be comfortable for the parents, but it also might open them up to seeking appropriate help, which should be free from their school district if the child is of preschool age. Or the writer might get a brief but effective explanation of what is going on.

Also, if the child’s behavior is due only to parents ignoring the behavior, that is a form of neglect. If I were in that child’s state, I would be obligated as a professional to notify child protective services. Bottom line: Refraining from bringing up a problem like this can condemn a child to a lifetime of even bigger problems. Please, talk to the parents! More than a good night’s sleep is at stake! -- Speechie, Kenai, Alaska

DEAR SPEECHIE: Thank you for this note that reveals so much about what could be going on with that child. I appreciate you qualifying what medical or safety concerns there may be. I will add that bringing up such sensitive matters to parents who may be flustered by their child’s erratic behavior requires sensitivity and kindness in order to get them to listen.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband doesn’t care about holiday gifts and feels that it’s a racket that we all get gifts for each other every year. I agree that we shouldn’t go crazy with spending, but I grew up in a home where the holidays were important and gifts were a key part of that. We have young children, and I think it’s important to give them a few gifts under the tree. It’s always a battle with my husband. How can I get him to participate more actively with this moment of connection in our family? -- Scrooge, Arlington, Virginia

DEAR SCROOGE: Bring some depth to the moment. Perhaps that will help your husband. In my family, my 89-year-old mother leads us in prayer before anyone can open a present. She reminds us of the bounty of blessings in our lives and asks us to remember those who may have less than we do. This helps to give context to the moment.

Another thing my family does that you may want to consider is to adopt a family from my sister’s church and provide resources for them to have a healthy meal and gifts -- both practical and fun -- for the children. Your husband may appreciate the idea of supporting those in need at a time when some are enjoying excesses.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 20-year-old son has a 19-year-old girlfriend who is well-endowed and rarely wears a bra. She also wears low-cut clothing and often looks like she's about to fall out. The dress she was wearing the other night was so small on her that she could barely zip it up all the way, and a nipple was close to making an appearance. When she walked in the door, she looked at me, shrugged her shoulders and said, "I know this is a low-cut dress," as if she knew what my expectations are, but came looking like that anyway.

My son's girlfriend is going on vacation with us in three weeks. I don't want to seem prudish, but I do want to get through to her that this type of dress isn't appropriate for the places we'll be going and the people we'll be seeing. I'll be asking her before we leave if she has bras in her suitcase, and I am ready to leave her behind if she doesn't or make her go out and buy a few.

What else do I do? I don't want to alienate her, but how do I help her to understand that something that is fine when you're out clubbing is not fine when you're trying to make a good impression with your boyfriend's family? -- Appropriate Clothing, Atlanta

DEAR APPROPRIATE CLOTHING: At the very least, you can establish the rules of your home, which should also be the rules of traveling with you. Your situation reminds me of childhood. My father had many rules, including wardrobe guidelines, that everyone had to follow. Once, a boy with cornrows in his hair came to visit my sister. This occurred way before this style was a trend, and more as a way of setting an afro (making it an at-home style, in my father’s eyes). My dad told him to go home and do his hair before coming inside our house. He required all of us to dress up for Sunday dinner, which meant a dress for girls and a shirt, tie and jacket for boys. Strict? Yes. But we had to follow the rules.

Similarly, you can take this young woman aside and share your expectations about personal presentation. Tell her that you think her style of dress is too provocative and is unacceptable in your home. Be sure to tell your son how you feel and what you intend to say so that it comes as no surprise. You absolutely can put your foot down on this. Hopefully your son will recognize that your family values do matter.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the years, I have had a contentious relationship with my sister. Whenever we talk on the phone, I expect to have some friction or for her to belittle me in some way. So I always have my guard up when we begin to talk.

For the past few months, ever since the family got together for our mom’s birthday, she has been nice. I’m not quite sure how to react to it. There have been no barbs or mean comments. Do you think we have actually turned a corner? Part of me is afraid to relax. I don’t want to get my feelings hurt again. -- Turing Point, Los Angeles

DEAR TURNING POINT: Claim the positive. You are strong enough to let your guard down and see what happens. Assume that your sister sees the value in being kind to you -- finally. If she slips and shows her mean streak from time to time, point it out. Tell her you like the “new” her much better. Ask her to stay nice.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a big argument with a woman I hired to help me work on a project; she has been flaky pretty much the whole time. I tried to be calm with her, but her lack of professionalism and overall sloppiness sent me over the edge. We tried to get back on course, but she continues to be late and act lackadaisical about her duties. I have written up a strong reprimand that concludes with firing her. I showed it to a colleague, and he suggested that I sit on it and then try to find less intense language. This is hard for me. I want it to be clear to her that the way that she has worked -- or not -- with me has put me in a horrible position. I don’t want to be nice. What do you think? -- Over the Edge, Boston

DEAR OVER THE EDGE: It’s good that you conferred with your co-worker before sending the message. When you are upset, is it wise to sit on a communication for at least a day to allow you to simmer down and look at the big picture. An incendiary firing will only create an incendiary ending that could have lasting negative reverberations. It is far better to speak and write in measured words as you fire someone. Tell her that the relationship is not working. If you must, list breaches of protocol specific to the project. Do your best not to crush her emotionally. In Michelle Obama’s words, “When they go low, we go high.”

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom died a few years ago after a prolonged illness. My dad has found a new woman to share his life, and they are now engaged. The problem is my sisters. We are all adults with families of our own. They don’t like his fiancee at all. They are rude to her and behave like spoiled children. She is different from our mother, but our family has always been open-minded and taken pride in our conviction that “normal” is just a setting on the dryer.

She isn’t after Dad’s money, nor is she forcing her way into our lives. She’s also not trying to replace Mom. It appears she genuinely cares for our dad, which I can understand: He’s a good man -- smart, attractive and fun to be with. Dad is happy as a clam. He’s enjoying himself and has lots more life to live. The thing is my sisters’ attitudes are putting a damper on my dad’s happiness. What can I do to help them? I don’t want to be too harsh because I know they are still grieving, but I hate to see them drive a wedge into what remains of our family. -- Happiness for My Dad, Portland, Oregon

DEAR HAPPINESS FOR MY DAD: Call a family meeting, and address your sisters directly. Remind them that your mother is gone. As much as you miss her, you cannot bring her back. Point out that your father deserves to have joy in his life, and he has found it. You do not have to love this woman, but you do have to respect your father’s decision and be gracious. Ask them to imagine how they would feel if their husbands passed and their children were rude or dismissive about whatever happiness they may have discovered after the loss.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)