DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my recently separated friends enjoys hosting get-togethers at his place. They end up being more like singles mixers, which is pretty cool. I invited one of my girlfriends to introduce her to one of his friends. She’s looking to settle down, and so is he. These two have a lot in common, so I thought they would be a great couple. I introduced them, and the guy was wowed. She, on the other hand, said nothing other than that he was a nice guy. She didn’t seem interested, so I left it alone.
A few months later, my friend came to me and said, “What’s up with your homeboy?” I had no idea what she was talking about. She explained that she had taken an interest in my friend, the party host. That wasn’t the plan; he’s always been too into the ladies, which is probably why he’s heading toward a divorce.
Now my friend is coming to me asking about him. Not only is she asking questions about him, she is also badmouthing him at the same time. I find it hard to trust her; apparently she was sneaking around with him. The fact that she is now trying to attack his character is pretty horrible. We’ve never been close, so I’m wondering if it is worth it to keep a friend like this. -- Not My Friend, Riverdale, New York
DEAR NOT MY FRIEND: Don’t automatically dump this woman as your friend. Instead, check her on her behavior. Tell her that you never intended to connect her and the party host because you don’t consider him dating material -- at least not right now. But point out that he is your friend. Ask your girlfriend to resist the temptation to talk badly about him, at least to you. He is your friend, and you accept him for who he is, flaws and all. If she can’t handle his behavior, suggest that she stop trying to date him.