DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my closest friends has a terrible shopping habit. With all the money she’s spent in the past year, I think she could have made a down payment on a home. I not-so-jokingly told her she has a problem, which she acknowledged. Now the problem is getting bigger because she’s putting on a lot of weight. The last time I saw her, she looked seven months pregnant. How do I get her to face her problems without shopping or food? -- Facing the Truth, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR FACING THE TRUTH: There may be a bit of good news in your friend’s situation -- namely, that she has some awareness of her problems. Clearly, something is wrong on the inside that is causing your friend to try to make up for it by shopping or eating. Addiction often has its cause in an emotional dearth. Your friend needs to figure out what is hurting her deep down inside in order to be able to free herself of the source of her pain.

You can recommend that she get mental health counseling. Suggest that talking to a professional may help her to break free from her unhealthy habits and dive deep into her life to unmask whatever is creating such difficulty. Of course, getting a physical is also helpful. She may get guidance on weight loss and fitness that will help her immediate health concerns. But mental health support is needed to help her turn an emotional corner toward overall well-being.

DEAR HARRIETTE: At this time of year, I often get down in the dumps. I know it's coming, so I try to remind myself that this too shall pass. But the blues are with me now, and I feel sad and incapacitated. I mean, I am still going to work and interacting with people, but I find it hard to sleep, and I am not feeling good about myself. I cannot afford to go to a shrink, so please don’t suggest that. I just need a bridge to get me past this season. -- Down in the Dumps, Philadelphia

DEAR DOWN IN THE DUMPS: One idea is to serve others. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, a retirement community, a hospital or a homeless shelter. Offer to do whatever is needed in the moment you arrive. Almost always and especially at this time of year, extra hands are needed. Amazingly, when you act in service of others who are in need, it takes the attention away from you and your issues and can fill your heart with gratitude. If you are up for it, you can volunteer daily at one or more of these locations. You can also check in with local charities and churches to see if they need a helping hand. It can be amazingly uplifting to have fellowship with others who appreciate your time, attention and care.

Additionally, whenever the sun is shining, go outside and take a walk. As the weather changes and the days get cold and gray, some people suffer from seasonal affective disorder. Getting some sun and moving your body may help brighten your day.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor above me has a small child who looks to be about 5 years old. This kid is always running back and forth at all hours of the night. He acts out a lot, and the other neighbors have also noticed. His tantrums are out of control. The only reason I’m concerned is because I hear it all. Like I said, they live above me. Is there a polite way to suggest they have their child tested for developmental challenges? -- Out-of-Control Child, Bronx, New York

DEAR OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILD: You have no idea what’s wrong with this child -- if anything -- so the suggestion of developmental challenges is too much. What you know is that the child is allowed to stay up when a child typically should be sleeping. And you know that the child doesn't seem to be developing self-discipline matching what you believe to be normal. With that in mind, you need to take care in what you say to your neighbor.

Start out by admitting that you are having difficulty sleeping because the boy runs across the floor at all hours of the night when you are trying to rest. Ask your neighbor to get the child in bed at a reasonable hour. State when you normally go to sleep, and make it known that you would like quiet during that time. Suggest that they get a rug to help buffer sound.

If you have children or know about the care of children and can offer insight into what you believe you have observed based upon another child, not hearsay, you may be able to introduce that information to help encourage your neighbor to get support for the child. But honestly, it could be that the child just needs more loving attention and isn’t yet getting it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my close friends will often host a girls’ night, and she invited one of her friendly neighbors. We’ve all become pretty good friends, and the neighbor shared with me that my friend’s husband is cheating on her while she’s at work. The neighbor works remotely from home often, so she sees the comings and goings at my friend's house. At first, I didn’t believe it, but I stopped by my friend's place one day, and sure enough, I heard a woman in heels walking around. With all the details shared with me already, I believe my friend is being cheated on. What do I say -- if anything -- or do I just mind my own business? -- I Know He's Cheating, Denver

DEAR I KNOW HE’S CHEATING: Talk to the neighbor, and suggest that she tell your friend. She is the one with the concrete details that prove, at least, that a woman has been regularly visiting your friend's husband at home. Hearing a woman’s footsteps does not tell you with certainty that this man is having an affair. You must be careful what you presume and repeat. Rather than speaking your presumptions, do your best to get the neighbor to speak up.

If that doesn’t work, you may want to tell your friend that you are concerned based on suspicions that your neighbor brought to your attention. With her permission, share what you were told and what you heard.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter decided to take a one-year break before attending college. I wasn’t happy with this idea at all. Since she’s been home the past few months, I realize she’s afraid to leave home. She’s now thinking about going to a nearby school instead of the university she initially wanted to attend, which was farther away. I believe the school she originally selected is the better option. How do I encourage her to leave home for the better school? -- Leave the Nest, Philadelphia

DEAR LEAVE THE NEST: Take cues from your daughter. If she is so afraid to leave home that she put college off for a year, pushing her to go away to school may not be the wisest decision. Help to wean her off being at home slowly. Let her enroll in the local school as a commuter student. Encourage her to participate in extracurricular activities such as student government or clubs that represent her interests.

Be sure to focus on the positive. Notice what your daughter is good at doing and support her in cultivating those talents and interests. At the end of the first year, assess with her where she stands and what her next steps are. It may take time to get your daughter to flex the muscles to go out on her own, but if you continue to be a cheerleader for her personal development, you should be able to help her gain more confidence over time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: With the holidays upon us, I’m dreading spending time with my family. My parents -- who’ve been married for 50 years -- have recently separated, which makes this holiday season a little awkward, since both will attend all family functions. They’re on speaking terms, but it’s hard watching this because I so desperately want them back together.

Honestly, I would rather stay home to avoid all family drama and hear about it later. What would be the polite way to get out of an invite I’ve already accepted? -- Avoiding the Awkward Holiday, Cambridge, Massachusetts

DEAR AVOIDING THE AWKWARD HOLIDAY: If your parents can figure out how to spend time together cordially during the holidays, why can’t you? Yes -- it might be a bit uncomfortable. Your parents were married for a lifetime. But consider the blessings in this situation: Your parents are both alive and able-bodied. They want to be with family. You can choose to want to be with family, too. You can talk to your siblings and other family members and agree to support each other when it feels uncomfortable.

Finally, speak to your parents. Make it clear to them that their impending divorce has left you reeling. You only know life with them as your married parents. You don’t quite know how to be with them as separated parents. Tell them that if they are both to attend the holidays, you need them to take the lead in figuring out how to manage this new stage in the family, because it is much bigger than the two of them. If things get tense, you can go to them and ask them to step in and help get everybody back on board. If they are unable to manage things, you will have to reassess how to handle their engagement with family in the future.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)