DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently ran into a friend I had lost contact with some time ago. I invited her to a few events, and I quickly realized why I had distanced myself before. She always talks about how she wants to marry rich. I plan on getting married again, but money is not the priority.

We met two guys the other night, and she wasn’t happy with the way they looked and didn’t think they made enough money. I found her to be snobby, which was embarrassing. She isn’t the most polished, and even if she were, it’s tacky behavior. I thought to myself, no wonder she's single. The fact that she talks about money a lot and brings little to the table is so annoying. Do I mention this to her, or do I walk away, leaving her to figure things out herself? -- Friendship Etiquette, Atlanta

DEAR FRIENDSHIP ETIQUETTE: If this friend has consistently behaved in this manner -- as one who selects dates based on the thickness of their wallets -- you already know how she thinks. She has reminded you of who she is, and you should not feel a responsibility to persuade her to think otherwise. If you want to say something to her, especially since you have recently reconnected and are feeling shopper’s remorse (so to speak), tell her that her comments about status and bank accounts make you uncomfortable. Describe to her your criteria for a successful relationship. Then stop going out with her. Consider it a blessing that you figured out early on that this reconnection is not desirable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got my cousin a job a couple of years ago, and she has done pretty well in it. The thing is, she complains all the time about the pay. She says for the work she is doing, the job pays way too little. I think she’s right, but I’m not sure what she thinks I can do about it. I had heard about the job around the same time that she said she needed one. The skills seemed to be a match, so I connected her with these people. I cannot serve as negotiator for her; that is not my strength nor my role. I helped her, and now she has to handle things for herself, but she keeps calling me asking for my help. How can I get her to back off? -- Handle Your Business, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR HANDLE YOUR BUSINESS: Have a direct conversation with your cousin. Remind her that you have done what you could for her: You opened a door so she could get a job. The rest is on her. If she thinks she is not being fairly compensated, she needs to speak up. But first, she may want to weigh all aspects of the situation. While she may feel underpaid, is she ready to be unemployed? This moment requires a positive attitude and a clear strategy for getting her to the next level. Coach her on keeping the right frame of mind to welcome success.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work freelance, but I often interact with the same small crew of people. I was on a job with one of my co-workers, sitting at dinner after a long couple of days of work when he became visibly upset while talking on the phone. When he got off the phone, he told me that one of his longtime friends had just died. She was in her 50s -- kind of young to die, so obviously something bad had happened, though he didn’t say the cause of death. I expressed my sympathies for his loss, but I wasn’t sure what else to do. He is not a hugger, and we work together, so I didn’t want to cross a line. We were sitting in a restaurant having dinner, so the subject just changed to other things, but I feel bad. I don’t want to be the co-worker with no compassion. What else can I do or say? -- Lost a Friend, Miami

DEAR LOST A FRIEND: Tell your co-worker that you are not sure how to support him, even though you want to help in any way you can. If practical, offer to take on some of his responsibilities during his time of mourning. Tell him you care about him and that you are sorry if you didn’t express your feelings well. You want him to know that you are there for him in whatever way is helpful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met with an old acquaintance recently who was pitching a new business that he's working on. It's one of those multi-level marketing things. He is super excited and obviously he wants me to buy stuff from him, but even more, he wants me to join the business. I have absolutely no interest in doing either. I like him and give him credit for trying to make things work for himself after he lost his job a few years back, but part of me is irritated because I feel like he used his woe-is-me story to try to get me to spend money. Now he keeps calling and emailing with more pitches for what I should buy from him. How can I get him to back off without seeming rude? -- Enough, Salt Lake City

DEAR ENOUGH: Some people require direct, crystal-clear communication in order to respond appropriately. You can tell this man, either over the phone or via email if you must, that you are happy for him and his new business venture, but you will not be purchasing any products or joining his business. Wish him luck and end the communication. Do not promise to refer him to people unless you want him to keep contacting you. Do not promise anything at all. Just offer your good wishes for his success and put a period on it. If he continues to call or write, do not respond.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been giving my mother money for my whole life. I send her small checks each month. I learned to do this from my dad when I was a teenager. He taught me that it was our responsibility as her children to take care of our mother, just as she had taken care of us when we were growing up. I haven’t discussed this with anyone. It has just been my practice.

Recently, my wife noticed my checkbook and the money I send to my mother, and she questioned me about it. She pointed out that we are a bit strapped for cash, and she didn’t understand why I was giving money to anybody else -- even my mother -- given our current financial situation. Can you help me explain this to her? It is obvious to me that this practice is not optional. She feels differently and is mad at me. -- Family Priorities, Denver

DEAR FAMILY PRIORITIES: Tell your wife what your father taught you about caring for your mother from your early childhood. Explain that it is fundamental to your core that you would include your mother in your monthly financial commitments. Apologize for not telling her before. Point out that it is such an integral part of who you are, it did not occur to you.

Acknowledge the financial challenges that your family is having, and commit to doing your best to ease the burden on everyone. But stand your ground and make it known that you will not stop supporting your mother. You may need to lower the dollar figure for a period of time if you really cannot afford it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend I have been spending a lot of time with, but I’m getting tired of her. She constantly complains and talks about people. I’m not exaggerating. We will start talking about something, and within a few minutes she will change the subject and mention someone she has a beef with. It’s amazing now that I am noticing it. I guess I wasn’t paying close attention before.

Now that I see what she does, I don’t want to keep talking to her. I have asked her to stop, by the way. I let her know that this is her pattern. She brushed it off, said I was wrong and then fell back into it. Would I be wrong to phase her out of my life? I can’t take it anymore. -- Walk Away, Philadelphia

DEAR WALK AWAY: This is the perfect time of year for evaluating friendships and deciding how to move forward. You have every right to edit your friend relationships if they are no longer serving you. But be kind about it. I always say that endings are more important than beginnings. At the start of any type of relationship, people typically put their best foot forward. In the end, they usually are just ready to walk. To walk with grace and dignity requires that you treat the person you are leaving with respect. Be kind and firm. You can decide consciously to stop engaging her but still offer good wishes. You may have to say you have some things you are working on in the new year that will be filling your time so you won’t be able to spend time together like you have. Close the door without slamming it by being thoughtful and firm.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)