DEAR HARRIETTE: I work freelance, but I often interact with the same small crew of people. I was on a job with one of my co-workers, sitting at dinner after a long couple of days of work when he became visibly upset while talking on the phone. When he got off the phone, he told me that one of his longtime friends had just died. She was in her 50s -- kind of young to die, so obviously something bad had happened, though he didn’t say the cause of death. I expressed my sympathies for his loss, but I wasn’t sure what else to do. He is not a hugger, and we work together, so I didn’t want to cross a line. We were sitting in a restaurant having dinner, so the subject just changed to other things, but I feel bad. I don’t want to be the co-worker with no compassion. What else can I do or say? -- Lost a Friend, Miami

DEAR LOST A FRIEND: Tell your co-worker that you are not sure how to support him, even though you want to help in any way you can. If practical, offer to take on some of his responsibilities during his time of mourning. Tell him you care about him and that you are sorry if you didn’t express your feelings well. You want him to know that you are there for him in whatever way is helpful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met with an old acquaintance recently who was pitching a new business that he's working on. It's one of those multi-level marketing things. He is super excited and obviously he wants me to buy stuff from him, but even more, he wants me to join the business. I have absolutely no interest in doing either. I like him and give him credit for trying to make things work for himself after he lost his job a few years back, but part of me is irritated because I feel like he used his woe-is-me story to try to get me to spend money. Now he keeps calling and emailing with more pitches for what I should buy from him. How can I get him to back off without seeming rude? -- Enough, Salt Lake City

DEAR ENOUGH: Some people require direct, crystal-clear communication in order to respond appropriately. You can tell this man, either over the phone or via email if you must, that you are happy for him and his new business venture, but you will not be purchasing any products or joining his business. Wish him luck and end the communication. Do not promise to refer him to people unless you want him to keep contacting you. Do not promise anything at all. Just offer your good wishes for his success and put a period on it. If he continues to call or write, do not respond.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been giving my mother money for my whole life. I send her small checks each month. I learned to do this from my dad when I was a teenager. He taught me that it was our responsibility as her children to take care of our mother, just as she had taken care of us when we were growing up. I haven’t discussed this with anyone. It has just been my practice.

Recently, my wife noticed my checkbook and the money I send to my mother, and she questioned me about it. She pointed out that we are a bit strapped for cash, and she didn’t understand why I was giving money to anybody else -- even my mother -- given our current financial situation. Can you help me explain this to her? It is obvious to me that this practice is not optional. She feels differently and is mad at me. -- Family Priorities, Denver

DEAR FAMILY PRIORITIES: Tell your wife what your father taught you about caring for your mother from your early childhood. Explain that it is fundamental to your core that you would include your mother in your monthly financial commitments. Apologize for not telling her before. Point out that it is such an integral part of who you are, it did not occur to you.

Acknowledge the financial challenges that your family is having, and commit to doing your best to ease the burden on everyone. But stand your ground and make it known that you will not stop supporting your mother. You may need to lower the dollar figure for a period of time if you really cannot afford it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend I have been spending a lot of time with, but I’m getting tired of her. She constantly complains and talks about people. I’m not exaggerating. We will start talking about something, and within a few minutes she will change the subject and mention someone she has a beef with. It’s amazing now that I am noticing it. I guess I wasn’t paying close attention before.

Now that I see what she does, I don’t want to keep talking to her. I have asked her to stop, by the way. I let her know that this is her pattern. She brushed it off, said I was wrong and then fell back into it. Would I be wrong to phase her out of my life? I can’t take it anymore. -- Walk Away, Philadelphia

DEAR WALK AWAY: This is the perfect time of year for evaluating friendships and deciding how to move forward. You have every right to edit your friend relationships if they are no longer serving you. But be kind about it. I always say that endings are more important than beginnings. At the start of any type of relationship, people typically put their best foot forward. In the end, they usually are just ready to walk. To walk with grace and dignity requires that you treat the person you are leaving with respect. Be kind and firm. You can decide consciously to stop engaging her but still offer good wishes. You may have to say you have some things you are working on in the new year that will be filling your time so you won’t be able to spend time together like you have. Close the door without slamming it by being thoughtful and firm.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went out canvassing for a candidate in my city because I feel so strongly that every vote makes a difference. I can’t tell you how many people who are registered to vote told me that they weren’t going to vote. They said they didn’t see what the point of it was. I was absolutely horrified when I talked to some of these people.

We live in a democracy. That means that our vote is supposed to count. I pleaded with these people, pointing out everything I know about the power of the vote. I think I convinced a few of them, but for the most part they said they were tired of all of the fuss about the political parties, and they didn’t think they were connected to any of it. What else can we do to get people to realize the power that they have? -- The Right to Vote, Atlanta

DEAR THE RIGHT TO VOTE: Don’t give up. The good news is that there was a record turnout of voters in the midterm elections across the country. This means that many people were paying attention and decided to get up, go out and exercise their right to vote. It is also true that millions of Americans who are eligible to vote simply did not do it.

One way you may be able to inspire others to vote next time is to gather stories of people who made the choice to vote this go-round. I spoke to a young man on Election Day. I was in a retail store, and I was wearing my "I voted" sticker. The young man told me that he had voted as well. I thanked him. He then admitted that this was the first time he had ever voted, and it took him awhile to figure out where to go and what to do. I congratulated him and added that I thought this was great because clearly he was over 18, so it had taken him some time to make this decision. He whispered to me that he was 35. It had taken nearly half his life to take action. His story was inspiring to me. Find stories in your neighborhood, and share them with others. Thank those who did vote for doing so, and implore others to step up. It is a privilege and responsibility to vote in our great democracy. Voting is what helps to ensure that the voices of the people are heard.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I go to the doctor’s office, they find something else wrong with me, and I have to get a battery of tests. I know that my doctor is trying to be thorough, but I can’t afford all of the tests. I do have insurance, but honestly it doesn’t cover everything, and I now have a pile of medical bills on top of my regular bills. I want to get my health in check, but I don’t know what to do. -- Health Scare, Boston

DEAR HEALTH SCARE: Check with your insurance to see if there are other medical care providers that are directly covered by them. The fees may be lower in that case. Look into getting supplemental insurance that will pay the percentage that your insurance may not cover. Request a payment plan for debt that you cannot manage.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)