DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been giving my mother money for my whole life. I send her small checks each month. I learned to do this from my dad when I was a teenager. He taught me that it was our responsibility as her children to take care of our mother, just as she had taken care of us when we were growing up. I haven’t discussed this with anyone. It has just been my practice.

Recently, my wife noticed my checkbook and the money I send to my mother, and she questioned me about it. She pointed out that we are a bit strapped for cash, and she didn’t understand why I was giving money to anybody else -- even my mother -- given our current financial situation. Can you help me explain this to her? It is obvious to me that this practice is not optional. She feels differently and is mad at me. -- Family Priorities, Denver

DEAR FAMILY PRIORITIES: Tell your wife what your father taught you about caring for your mother from your early childhood. Explain that it is fundamental to your core that you would include your mother in your monthly financial commitments. Apologize for not telling her before. Point out that it is such an integral part of who you are, it did not occur to you.

Acknowledge the financial challenges that your family is having, and commit to doing your best to ease the burden on everyone. But stand your ground and make it known that you will not stop supporting your mother. You may need to lower the dollar figure for a period of time if you really cannot afford it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend I have been spending a lot of time with, but I’m getting tired of her. She constantly complains and talks about people. I’m not exaggerating. We will start talking about something, and within a few minutes she will change the subject and mention someone she has a beef with. It’s amazing now that I am noticing it. I guess I wasn’t paying close attention before.

Now that I see what she does, I don’t want to keep talking to her. I have asked her to stop, by the way. I let her know that this is her pattern. She brushed it off, said I was wrong and then fell back into it. Would I be wrong to phase her out of my life? I can’t take it anymore. -- Walk Away, Philadelphia

DEAR WALK AWAY: This is the perfect time of year for evaluating friendships and deciding how to move forward. You have every right to edit your friend relationships if they are no longer serving you. But be kind about it. I always say that endings are more important than beginnings. At the start of any type of relationship, people typically put their best foot forward. In the end, they usually are just ready to walk. To walk with grace and dignity requires that you treat the person you are leaving with respect. Be kind and firm. You can decide consciously to stop engaging her but still offer good wishes. You may have to say you have some things you are working on in the new year that will be filling your time so you won’t be able to spend time together like you have. Close the door without slamming it by being thoughtful and firm.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went out canvassing for a candidate in my city because I feel so strongly that every vote makes a difference. I can’t tell you how many people who are registered to vote told me that they weren’t going to vote. They said they didn’t see what the point of it was. I was absolutely horrified when I talked to some of these people.

We live in a democracy. That means that our vote is supposed to count. I pleaded with these people, pointing out everything I know about the power of the vote. I think I convinced a few of them, but for the most part they said they were tired of all of the fuss about the political parties, and they didn’t think they were connected to any of it. What else can we do to get people to realize the power that they have? -- The Right to Vote, Atlanta

DEAR THE RIGHT TO VOTE: Don’t give up. The good news is that there was a record turnout of voters in the midterm elections across the country. This means that many people were paying attention and decided to get up, go out and exercise their right to vote. It is also true that millions of Americans who are eligible to vote simply did not do it.

One way you may be able to inspire others to vote next time is to gather stories of people who made the choice to vote this go-round. I spoke to a young man on Election Day. I was in a retail store, and I was wearing my "I voted" sticker. The young man told me that he had voted as well. I thanked him. He then admitted that this was the first time he had ever voted, and it took him awhile to figure out where to go and what to do. I congratulated him and added that I thought this was great because clearly he was over 18, so it had taken him some time to make this decision. He whispered to me that he was 35. It had taken nearly half his life to take action. His story was inspiring to me. Find stories in your neighborhood, and share them with others. Thank those who did vote for doing so, and implore others to step up. It is a privilege and responsibility to vote in our great democracy. Voting is what helps to ensure that the voices of the people are heard.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I go to the doctor’s office, they find something else wrong with me, and I have to get a battery of tests. I know that my doctor is trying to be thorough, but I can’t afford all of the tests. I do have insurance, but honestly it doesn’t cover everything, and I now have a pile of medical bills on top of my regular bills. I want to get my health in check, but I don’t know what to do. -- Health Scare, Boston

DEAR HEALTH SCARE: Check with your insurance to see if there are other medical care providers that are directly covered by them. The fees may be lower in that case. Look into getting supplemental insurance that will pay the percentage that your insurance may not cover. Request a payment plan for debt that you cannot manage.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Thanksgiving! This is one of my favorite times of year because it is a time for family and loved ones.

When I was growing up, the notion of "thanksgiving" lived in our house year-round. My mother, Doris Cole, who is now 89 years old, would tell us to count our blessings. She explained that one way to stay positive and humble is to consciously acknowledge the good things in your life each day. She implored us to remember that there is always something for which to be grateful, even if you have had a particularly tough day. You are grateful to be alive. You are grateful to have a roof over your head. You are grateful for your family. For your job. For getting good grades. For surviving an accident. For living through a disease. For getting over a bad relationship. For your friends and neighbors. Mama’s wisdom said that in absolutely every circumstance, there is a reason for gratitude.

Practicing gratitude is an interesting concept. It requires active engagement. It calls for a mindset that is hopeful and optimistic. It needs you to examine your life carefully and notice the good aspects of it -- no matter what is going on. Because this is something my mother instilled in my sisters and me from a young age, it is part of our daily lives now.

When it comes to Thanksgiving proper and all that this holiday entails, the practice of gratitude takes on a new dimension. I have talked to hundreds of people about how they experience this day, which kicks off the holiday season. For many, Thanksgiving triggers feelings of anxiety, dread or even loneliness. This is true whether they are traveling many miles to be with family or staying home or visiting with friends. The season can trigger lots of memories and stir up old feelings. Often, people who visit the family homestead fall into childhood roles that unconsciously spark conflict. Others long for family members who have died. The list is long for what can cause discomfort.

This is when practicing gratitude is even more important. Your outlook can make all the difference. For starters, you are not 10 years old and beholden to your elder sibling’s ploys. Be grateful for that. If the family matriarch has passed on, rather than mourning, you can celebrate her life. If you get into a debate with loved ones, catch yourself and be grateful that you had the presence of mind to refresh your course. Be in control of your thoughts, words and deeds during this time, and choose to find joy wherever you are. Make an effort to stay in the moment and not get lost in behavior patterns or hurts from the past. With an attitude of gratitude, you can initiate new ways of engaging each other.

And if you are by yourself and feeling lonely, instead of wallowing, you can get out and help others, call loved ones and tell them how much you miss them, take a walk or serve meals at a homeless shelter. The ideas are endless. The point is, you are the one who can decide what Thanksgiving means for you. If you decide to practice gratitude during this day and season, you will find that your experiences will become sweeter and more memorable in the best possible way.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)