DEAR HARRIETTE: I look at my sister, and I am so worried about her. She has gained almost 100 pounds in the past few years. Her ankles are swollen, and she doesn’t look healthy. I love her, and I don’t want to see her die. I asked her if she has gotten a physical recently, and she brushed me off.

I know she doesn’t want to talk about any of this. She gets defensive whenever I even try to address her health. I feel like I would be a bad sister if I didn’t at least try to get her to get an evaluation of her health. Maybe if she gets a reality check, it will help her decide to make some changes in her life. What can I say to her to get her to take her health seriously? -- Obese Sister, Atlanta

DEAR OBESE SISTER: First, you have to be clear that you cannot control your sister. You can love her and lovingly tell her your observations, but you do not have a magic wand, and you cannot force her to do anything. One strategy you may want to consider is appealing to your love for each other. Tell your sister that you are worried about her. Point out that you see that she has gained a lot of weight, and you are worried for her health. Tell her how much you love her and need her in your life. Express your concern that she may face a health crisis in the future if she doesn’t make a change today. Beg her to get a physical. Tell her you will stand with her and support her in any way that you can, but you need her to get checked out to see what she can do to preserve her health.

Know that your sister may get angry with you. If so, so be it. Keep telling your sister that you love and need her. It may sink in.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in an office where several of my co-workers are Spanish speakers. I have no issue with that. I do find it uncomfortable, though, when they speak to each other in Spanish when I am sitting right there with them. I’m not talking about during downtime. We will be working on a project together and they will switch from English to Spanish. I don’t speak Spanish, so I can figure out only a few of the words, but it always makes me feel that they are either talking about me or totally ignoring me. When I mention this to them, they apologize but keep on doing it. What can I do to get them to include me? -- Language Barrier, Dallas

DEAR LANGUAGE BARRIER: You may need to speak to your supervisor about this. But first, ask them if you can work together as a team. Tell them that you want to be collaborative, but it is impossible when they choose to speak Spanish when they know you do not speak or understand it. If your job is not bilingual, it should not be acceptable that they speak Spanish when they should be working with you.

After you make your case to them, speak to your boss. Explain the situation and ask for help. All you want is to be able to work together as a team without language limitations.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor passed away recently. I used to see him every morning when he took his walk. We would speak, but I never went to their house. Now that he is gone, I feel like I should knock on my neighbor’s door and offer my support. I don’t even know his widow’s name. I realize how distant people can be, even when they live in the same building. Do you think I should visit her? I can’t imagine what my life would be like if my husband died. -- Neighbor in Mourning, Chicago

DEAR NEIGHBOR IN MOURNING: Trust your instincts. When people are in crisis, neighbors can be extremely helpful. Knock on her door and express your condolences for her loss. Introduce yourself. Tell her you realize you don’t know her name, but you know that you've been neighbors for quite some time.

The greeting you shared with this woman’s husband is something you can tell her about when you visit. You can tell her how kind you thought her husband was and that you know he will be terribly missed. Bring her a food item if you can. It is traditional for neighbors and friends to bring pre-cooked food for the bereaved so that they have food to eat without the need to prepare it. Ask her if she needs anything, and give her your number to call if she should need to reach out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a restaurant near my job, and as I was waiting for my table, I noticed a couple sitting together. When I looked over at them, I realized that the man is my friend’s husband. This was absolutely not a professional dinner. The two of them were cozied up and holding hands. I couldn’t believe my eyes. My friend talks about her husband as if he is the best man alive. She adores him. She will be devastated to learn that her husband is stepping out on her. I don’t want to tell her, but at the same time, I would want to be told if the same thing happened to me. How do I break the news? Or do I? -- Can't Unsee This, Sarasota, Florida

DEAR CAN’T UNSEE THIS: This is tricky. On one hand, your friend may want to know what you saw, but oftentimes, people do not believe the messenger when this is the news.

If you know the husband, reach out to him to tell him what you saw and ask his intentions. Point out that his wife is your friend, and you know she will be devastated to learn that he is cheating on her. Acknowledge that you wanted to speak to him first to see if there is any way to make this bad situation better. Let him know you intend to tell your friend, but you wanted to give him a chance to address it first.

Then go to her and share the bad news. Tell her you love her and will support her no matter what she chooses to do, but that you thought you should tell her as you would want to be told if the tables were turned. Resist getting caught up in the drama any further, though. This is their issue to work out.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with a woman who is clearly racist. Almost every day she comes to work, and during small talk when people typically are talking about their families or what they are going to do for the weekend, she talks about how black people are moving into her neighborhood and she wants them out. Or she brings up the immigration issue at the border and adds her perspective that immigrants should all be arrested because they are criminals.

I feel like political rhetoric has reached an all-time high when it lives in my office. We are normal working people. I hate that people think it’s OK to judge others based on their race or country of origin and that they feel that they can blatantly complain about their gripes in an open setting. I feel like people think they can just say anything these days, and it won’t matter. I was taught that people should treat one another with respect. These days, it feels like that has gone out the window. Can I say anything to get this woman to tone it down? -- Stop the Vitriol, Atlanta

DEAR STOP THE VITRIOL: Tensions are running particularly high these days, and many people have set up camp on either side of the political spectrum. And yet, the workplace is supposed to be equal opportunity and without prejudice.

First, you can say something to the woman the next time she begins her tirade. Tell her that her commentary makes you uncomfortable, and ask her to stop. Next, report her to human resources. If you can, tape a conversation so that you have proof of what she is saying. You have the right to work in an environment free of racial prejudice, but in order to exercise that right, you may have to speak up. That’s OK to do. Indeed, throughout history, it has been a requirement for change.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There’s a boy who goes to my church who has some kind of serious disability. He cannot speak, and his body is deformed. He comes to church every Sunday and is obedient to his mother. My question is, how can I be supportive of him? I say hello, but I am not sure if he knows I’m talking to him. I don’t want to be like some of my parishioners who gawk and talk about them in a corner. I want to do the right thing. I just don’t know what that is. -- Showing Compassion, Syracuse, New York

DEAR SHOWING COMPASSION: Continue to speak to the boy and his mother. Make eye contact if you can. Next time you see his mother, ask if you can have a private word with her. Introduce yourself. Let her know that you want to be supportive in the best possible way to her and her son, and ask how best to communicate with him. Ask if there is anything the children’s ministry can do to better engage them. See if she will open up about her son’s condition and how he can best be supported so that he can feel fully welcome. She will likely appreciate your reaching out. Listen carefully to learn what you can do.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)