DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor passed away recently. I used to see him every morning when he took his walk. We would speak, but I never went to their house. Now that he is gone, I feel like I should knock on my neighbor’s door and offer my support. I don’t even know his widow’s name. I realize how distant people can be, even when they live in the same building. Do you think I should visit her? I can’t imagine what my life would be like if my husband died. -- Neighbor in Mourning, Chicago

DEAR NEIGHBOR IN MOURNING: Trust your instincts. When people are in crisis, neighbors can be extremely helpful. Knock on her door and express your condolences for her loss. Introduce yourself. Tell her you realize you don’t know her name, but you know that you've been neighbors for quite some time.

The greeting you shared with this woman’s husband is something you can tell her about when you visit. You can tell her how kind you thought her husband was and that you know he will be terribly missed. Bring her a food item if you can. It is traditional for neighbors and friends to bring pre-cooked food for the bereaved so that they have food to eat without the need to prepare it. Ask her if she needs anything, and give her your number to call if she should need to reach out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a restaurant near my job, and as I was waiting for my table, I noticed a couple sitting together. When I looked over at them, I realized that the man is my friend’s husband. This was absolutely not a professional dinner. The two of them were cozied up and holding hands. I couldn’t believe my eyes. My friend talks about her husband as if he is the best man alive. She adores him. She will be devastated to learn that her husband is stepping out on her. I don’t want to tell her, but at the same time, I would want to be told if the same thing happened to me. How do I break the news? Or do I? -- Can't Unsee This, Sarasota, Florida

DEAR CAN’T UNSEE THIS: This is tricky. On one hand, your friend may want to know what you saw, but oftentimes, people do not believe the messenger when this is the news.

If you know the husband, reach out to him to tell him what you saw and ask his intentions. Point out that his wife is your friend, and you know she will be devastated to learn that he is cheating on her. Acknowledge that you wanted to speak to him first to see if there is any way to make this bad situation better. Let him know you intend to tell your friend, but you wanted to give him a chance to address it first.

Then go to her and share the bad news. Tell her you love her and will support her no matter what she chooses to do, but that you thought you should tell her as you would want to be told if the tables were turned. Resist getting caught up in the drama any further, though. This is their issue to work out.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with a woman who is clearly racist. Almost every day she comes to work, and during small talk when people typically are talking about their families or what they are going to do for the weekend, she talks about how black people are moving into her neighborhood and she wants them out. Or she brings up the immigration issue at the border and adds her perspective that immigrants should all be arrested because they are criminals.

I feel like political rhetoric has reached an all-time high when it lives in my office. We are normal working people. I hate that people think it’s OK to judge others based on their race or country of origin and that they feel that they can blatantly complain about their gripes in an open setting. I feel like people think they can just say anything these days, and it won’t matter. I was taught that people should treat one another with respect. These days, it feels like that has gone out the window. Can I say anything to get this woman to tone it down? -- Stop the Vitriol, Atlanta

DEAR STOP THE VITRIOL: Tensions are running particularly high these days, and many people have set up camp on either side of the political spectrum. And yet, the workplace is supposed to be equal opportunity and without prejudice.

First, you can say something to the woman the next time she begins her tirade. Tell her that her commentary makes you uncomfortable, and ask her to stop. Next, report her to human resources. If you can, tape a conversation so that you have proof of what she is saying. You have the right to work in an environment free of racial prejudice, but in order to exercise that right, you may have to speak up. That’s OK to do. Indeed, throughout history, it has been a requirement for change.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There’s a boy who goes to my church who has some kind of serious disability. He cannot speak, and his body is deformed. He comes to church every Sunday and is obedient to his mother. My question is, how can I be supportive of him? I say hello, but I am not sure if he knows I’m talking to him. I don’t want to be like some of my parishioners who gawk and talk about them in a corner. I want to do the right thing. I just don’t know what that is. -- Showing Compassion, Syracuse, New York

DEAR SHOWING COMPASSION: Continue to speak to the boy and his mother. Make eye contact if you can. Next time you see his mother, ask if you can have a private word with her. Introduce yourself. Let her know that you want to be supportive in the best possible way to her and her son, and ask how best to communicate with him. Ask if there is anything the children’s ministry can do to better engage them. See if she will open up about her son’s condition and how he can best be supported so that he can feel fully welcome. She will likely appreciate your reaching out. Listen carefully to learn what you can do.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is now a young man. He is a good student in college and kind to his family. On the flip side, my husband and I see that he is too much of a lady's man. We taught him to be a gentleman and to treat women with respect. We think he is sexually involved with multiple women, and we do not condone this behavior.

Our son no longer lives at home and is already 21 years old, so we know we cannot control him, but we want to say something to encourage him to be less promiscuous. What do you recommend? -- Slow Down, Son, Madison, Wisconsin

DEAR SLOW DOWN, SON: You are right -- you cannot control your son’s behavior. What you can do is remind him of the values you taught him growing up. Caution him about the health risks of promiscuity, which include sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy. Add the inherent risk he runs in hurting these women’s feelings by being intimate with them without establishing true intimacy. Doing your part means reminding him of what you believe. You also will have to accept that he has to live his own life and suffer the consequences accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend from my childhood who I see a couple of times a year at most. Even so, we are pretty close. She does not know most of my current friends who I see a lot more frequently. I’m thinking of having a party during the holidays and want to invite everyone, but I don’t want anyone to feel awkward. How do you think I should handle the friend who doesn’t know anybody but me? -- Party Planning, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR PARTY PLANNING: When one person is not part of a larger friend group, it is wise to think of ways to welcome that person into an existing fold. During the holidays, it is common for people to travel in groups as they go from event to event. Invite your friend, and suggest that she bring a date or a friend to come with her. Tell her who will be at the party and that you are excited for her to meet these people. In turn, be sure to tell your new friend group that an old friend is coming. Ask them to help to make her feel comfortable.

At the event, be sure to circulate among all of your guests. Introduce your childhood friend to the others. Think of stories that you can share about each of your guests that are lighthearted and revealing about them, their connection to you and their personalities. As the hostess, you have to work the party to ensure that everyone feels comfortable.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)