DEAR HARRIETTE: My son had a terrible time at school at the beginning of this year, but he seems to be turning a corner. One class remains challenging for him. I organized a tutor, but he’s embarrassed to go to him.

I just discovered that my son has not shown up for any of his tutoring appointments. When I questioned him, he told me that he is doing fine and doesn’t need the help. His teacher told me that the tutor will help him get stronger in the class. How can I get him to understand the value of going to the tutor? -- Need a Tutor, Cleveland

DEAR NEED A TUTOR: Peer pressure -- or the appearance of it -- can be powerful and disabling at once. Your son has it in his head that going to a tutor is a sign of weakness. What he needs to learn is that many of the most brilliant people get support from others to ensure that they are knowledgeable about whatever the topic is.

It is likely that other members of his class have tutors, even if they don’t talk about it. Point this out to him. Let him know that fortifying his foundation in this subject is critical to his overall success, and that’s what the tutor is for. If that doesn’t work, give him an ultimatum: He must go to the tutor, or he loses a privilege that he values, like the use of his cellphone. If you and his teacher believe this is essential for his academic well-being, make it a requirement.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am saddened by how much hate there is in the world. I feel like I can’t turn on the TV or even look at my smartphone without receiving some horrible piece of information. I tried cutting off all communication for a while so that I wouldn’t get any news, but then I got nervous that I might be in danger. It’s making me feel nuts.

How can I manage in today's world without being worried all the time? For that matter, how can anybody be calm when it seems like there could be danger lurking around every corner? From terrorism to anti-Semitism to random shootings in public places -- it’s all too much. -- Paralyzed by Fear, Detroit

DEAR PARALYZED BY FEAR: You need to strike a balance regarding how much and what information you expose yourself to. You don’t have to go completely off the grid, but it is wise to limit how much news you consume on a daily basis.

Similarly, think of what you can add to your information intake that will be nurturing. You can listen to soothing music, take a walk in the park or meditate. Find ways to calm yourself so that you can see your way to the positive.

This does not negate the fact that horrible things are happening in our world, but you cannot allow yourself to be consumed by them. Stay alert and aware of your surroundings. Engage your neighbors. Choose to surround yourself with joyful people and experiences. This will not end bad things happening in our world, but your attitude should help you to avoid succumbing to fear.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son likes to wear nail polish. He gets creative with it, just like my daughter used to. I am concerned that this could mean that he is gay, even though his behavior doesn’t seem like it other than the nails. I know I’m not supposed to have thoughts about his sexual identity, but I would be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me. This nail polish thing came out of nowhere -- at least as far as I can see -- and I just don’t want him to take it too far. Soon he will be applying for college, and I don’t want his nail color to be a distraction. What should I say or do? -- Boy Wearing Nail Polish, Denver

DEAR BOY WEARING NAIL POLISH: First of all, it’s perfectly normal for a parent to have thoughts about a child’s sexual identity. What you want to avoid is having judgment about it. Of all of the things your son could do, wearing fingernail polish is on the benign side. It can be removed easily and is temporary. Your son could be having fun with style and feels comfortable drawing outside of the box, so to speak. But you should find out. Ask him why he started painting his nails and what that means for him. Listen carefully to his answers. In a separate exchange, you can also ask him if he’s gay. It’s OK to be direct in your inquiry. If you ask simply to learn the answer, you may receive a simple answer.

Regarding the nail polish itself, you can have a practical conversation where you recommend that he not wear colored polish to his college interviews. Suggest that it is best not to provide any distraction from his ability to present his mind and intellectual acumen to schools. This is true for males and females. Dressing conservatively for those interviews is best.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is writing a book, and she asked me to do a first read. I work as an editor for a living, which is why she asked me. I tend to not want to get involved in these types of things because it rarely turns out well. I told her that I was too busy to do a thorough job. She begged me to skim it anyway. I couldn’t figure out how to get around it, so I agreed. I have started to read it, and it is poorly written. The grammar, sentence structure and basic storytelling sucked. How do I tell her that? I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but there is no way that she is going to get this book published. I don’t have time to properly edit it for her. What do I say? -- Not an Author, Philadelphia

DEAR NOT AN AUTHOR: Since your friend entrusted you with her book, you owe her the truth. Tell her that you have read some of it, and it needs a lot of work. Point out some of the basic concerns, including grammar, sentence structure and storytelling. Suggest that she take a class or workshop where she can bring her book and work on it under the tutelage of a writing professional. Make it clear that you do not have time to offer her this service, but you know it is essential if she is to get her book published.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family is Christian, and my college-age daughter just told us that her boyfriend is Muslim. She is nervous to bring him home because my husband has made it clear to her that he thinks Muslims are dangerous.

My daughter has tried to tell us about this young man. When I listen to her, he sounds pretty great to me. He treats her nicely, and she seems to be happy. I definitely want to meet him. I think the worst thing would be to ban him from our home. That will only make her want to commit to him more immediately. How can I get my husband to have an open mind about this young man? I think we should trust our daughter more. -- Open Your Mind, San Jose, California

DEAR OPEN YOUR MIND: Talk to your husband about your daughter and his concerns about the boyfriend’s religion. Admit that you didn’t expect your daughter to have a Muslim boyfriend, but you want to give her the benefit of the doubt that she has chosen someone who genuinely loves and respects her. Point out that while reports in the news sometimes suggest that certain Muslims are dangerous -- terrorists, even -- this cannot be true about all of them, just like there are Christians who have done bad things over the generations, but that doesn’t mean that every Christian is trying to conquer the world, for example.

Suggest that the two of you welcome the young man into your home so that you can meet him and talk to him. Getting to know the person your daughter loves is smart, even if you are skeptical. If he is standing in front of you, there is your opportunity to ask every question you can think of. Don’t miss out on this information-gathering moment because of any stereotypical views you may have about his religion. Get first-hand knowledge of who he is instead.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I host events at my job a lot, and it’s usually fun until we get to the Q&A segment. I feel like most participants who raise their hands just want to hear themselves talk. They don’t seem to have a real question, and they tend to take the whole event off-message. We give clear guidelines about how to ask questions succinctly, but it rarely seems to work. Sometimes people hog the microphone, and it can be awkward tearing it away from them. What can I do to keep control of the event? -- Give Back the Mic, Cleveland

DEAR GIVE BACK THE MIC: This is the big challenge of the Q&A format of live events. One organization that I work with controls this by giving audience participants notecards. If they think of questions, they are to write them down on the cards and then the moderator will select questions to read to the panelists, who will then answer. This controls the superfluous grandstanding and meandering that can occur when you relinquish control of the mic.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)