DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a rental building that has started to gentrify. A new couple moved in a few months ago, and I have tried to welcome them. We are different from each other, but still cordial.

The wife has been complaining about lots of things in the building, and while she was complaining she told me that she pays what is comparable to three times my rent -- for the same size apartment. I didn’t think it was smart to tell her what I pay. I’m concerned, though, that these high-paying neighbors may start to push the rest of us out. I have seen it before. How can I help them to feel like part of our community without giving them ammo to try to get us out of the building? -- New Neighbor Drama, Manhattan, New York

DEAR NEW NEIGHBOR DRAMA: Continue to be friendly and responsive to your neighbors. If there are any building traditions, make sure you let them know, such as participating in giving out candy at Halloween or any type of group activity for the tenants. If there is a tenants’ organization, encourage them to join. This is how they will learn more about how things work in your building and in your community.

If your neighbors have legitimate gripes about the building, show compassion. Also, give context. Many landlords are lazy when it comes to handling basic needs. It can be true that new, higher-paying tenants may get the landlord’s attention faster, at least in the beginning. Encourage the new tenants to think of everyone when they lobby for change. Help them to feel they are part of your community. This may make it easier for them to be inclusive rather than attempting down the line to oust anybody.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is a police officer. I am proud of him for choosing a tough job, but it is hard for me to listen to his stories. I am blown away by what he tells me he goes through on some days. After he tells me about those days, I am then stuck in fear for a month or more, worried about whether my man is going to come home at all. I don’t want to end this relationship, but I feel like we have to manage how much he tells me.

Am I wrong for not being able to deal with his job? I don’t know if I can handle it if we stay together, but for now, I know I can’t be privy to all of his experiences. I worry that he is going to die every day. He is not at risk of a gunshot wound or other dangerous incident every day -- it just feels like it. -- Keep It to Yourself, Washington, D.C.

DEAR KEEP IT TO YOURSELF: Many couples do not share blow-by-blow details of their workday on a daily basis. You can surely ask your boyfriend to keep his sharing to a minimum. Be sure to explain why.

Bigger than that, you two need to talk about the future. What can you handle? Not discussing his job doesn’t make it any less real. You have to be crystal clear about what you’re signing up for and be willing to accept the potential danger in your boyfriend’s job choice. Otherwise, it won’t work.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I grew up very different from each other. His family members were all farmers, while mine were educated and spent a lot of time in so-called high society.

My husband and I get along great, but things get awkward whenever we go to social functions. He doesn’t have the social graces expected at these events. He bristles when I try to tell him. I don’t mean to be a nag, but I do think it will make his life easier if he would be willing to follow some of the basic codes of etiquette that these settings expect. How can I get that across to him? -- Supporting My Man, Dallas

DEAR SUPPORTING MY MAN: If you can make learning these codes of conduct fun, you will have a better chance of inspiring your husband to participate. Look for a social dancing or etiquette class in your neighborhood that you two can take together. You can learn the waltz, formal dressing, the art of small talk at these social events, etc. Doing this as a couple can create closeness and will foster togetherness rather than making him feel that he has to have remedial training. I learned long ago that life gets easier to navigate when you understand who you are, what your values are and what’s expected where you are going.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hired a cousin who was in need of work to help me out on a project. We talk a lot, and I got the sense that she would work well on this particular project. She agreed, and things started out OK, but it hasn’t gone smoothly lately. We have scheduled several calls that she missed. She got busy with another job and didn’t complete the work that she had agreed to do. She seems nonchalant, like it’s not so bad that she hasn’t completed the work since she’s my cousin.

She has put me in a bind. I needed her help in a timely manner, and now the work is not done. How should I address this with her? I need to reassign it to someone else. -- Bad Family Vibes, St. Louis

DEAR BAD FAMILY VIBES: Put on your professional hat and let your cousin know that you have to part ways because she has not fulfilled the obligations that she accepted. Tell her how disappointed you are that she did not take the work seriously. Explain how her lack of professionalism has put you in a bind, and you don’t appreciate it. She needs to know the impact that her inability to complete the work has meant for you. She also needs to understand that she has damaged her reputation. You cannot recommend her to others because she did not do her best for you.

After you talk to her, it’s time to pivot. Find someone who can help you get your work done.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited to an after-work event about a month ago, and I agreed, primarily because I am trying to put myself out there more. (I tend to be a homebody.) It is a cocktail party to launch the fall season in my industry.

The crazy thing is, I just got another invitation for the same evening to another event, and the second one sounds way better than the first. The second one has an amazing guest and sponsor list. It looks great. Both are receptions, not sit-down dinners. I really want to go to the second one. It feels like a better fit. I suppose I could go to both and split my time, but I don’t really want to do that. What do you think is best? -- Making a Choice, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR MAKING A CHOICE: Ideally, you should go to the event that you first accepted. If there is enough time between now and that activity, though, you can reach out to the organizer and say that you can no longer attend. Thank them for the invitation and wish them well. As you mentioned, you can also choose to spend a bit of time at both events. If they are not too far apart, why not go to one for an hour and to the other for the second hour? Many people attend multiple events in an evening during the busy season. If you can manage that, you may discover two different groups of people and may make some meaningful connections at each. Plus, it’s great that two different entities want you at their events. Get out there and go to as many functions as you can. This can be beneficial to you socially and emotionally.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an acquaintance who is always complaining about not having enough money, yet she doesn’t work. Her husband is the principal breadwinner in her family. It is true that she stayed at home to take care of the kids when they were young, but they are now grown and married. It seems to me that she could figure out some way to earn a little money to help her household. She is accustomed to having a certain status, but that is long gone. Instead of doing something about her circumstances, she moans on and on about what she doesn’t have. I am tired of listening to it. Should I say something? -- Enough Already, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR ENOUGH ALREADY: Your friend sounds stuck. She once enjoyed a lifestyle that she and her husband can no longer support. Living in the moment can be hard when the present feels uncomfortable.

When she starts her moaning, point out that she does have options. If she needs more money, suggest that she look for a part-time job. She can think about what she is good at. Is she creative? Does she have administrative skills? There has to be something she can do that others would appreciate and potentially pay for.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)