DEAR HARRIETTE: After listening to the accusations made against Brett Kavanaugh, I am horrified to admit that I have been a blackout drunk before -- on more than one occasion.

My husband and I drink a lot, and I would say that we take turns drinking too much. When he does it, he gets loud and aggressive. When I do it, I have to rely on him for my memories. He says that I yell and talk too much and am pushy. I know that we are not in a healthy place regarding our drinking. I have never said this to anybody, and sharing it with you is still anonymous. But when I heard about the incident between Kavanaugh and Dr. Ford, I realized how easy it is to get into a situation like that. I’m not sure what to do next. I don’t want us to do anything that we regret. -- Blackout Drunk, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR BLACKOUT DRUNK: Thank you for your candor on this topic. I appreciate that when things happen culturally or politically, people take the topic to heart and look to see how it affects their own lives. Drinking too much is a national pastime -- obviously not for everyone, but it is common. If you and your husband are drinking excessively on a regular basis, that’s a sign that you need to examine your lives and figure out what’s not working that is leading you to self-medicate.

This may be one of your hardest tasks to date, but you would likely benefit tremendously from attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, preferably with your husband. Go -- with him or solo -- and listen to what people are going through. Consider letting go of your drinking so that you can address what lies beneath. You are looking for help. It is as close as a free meeting of people who are all struggling with the same core issue. To find a meeting, go to alcoholicsanonymous.org.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a terrible experience with my hairdresser a couple of years ago, and my stylist didn’t handle it well. He damaged my hair and wouldn't admit it. I ended up with a messed-up head of hair, and I was mad. I left and went to another stylist, and then another. In the end, I’m not yet happy with my hair. I saw my old hairdresser the other day, and we spoke awkwardly. If I want to go back to him, how do I address this? We left on weird terms because he wouldn’t admit that he had done anything wrong -- and he did. -- Going Back, Atlanta

DEAR GOING BACK: Think about going back to your old hairdresser as a business decision. Contact him and ask for a consultation. Start by saying that you were disappointed in the way he handled your challenge two years ago. Admit that you have not successfully found someone to replace him. Tell him that you would like to try again. Ask him to be more attentive and to listen more carefully. If he is a smart businessman, he will apologize and work with you to figure out how to do a better job of doing your hair.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been talking to my 18-year-old son about voting since he was a child. This midterm election will be his first time casting a ballot. I am working to keep him enthusiastic, but it is so hard. Most of his friends aren’t thinking about it at all. He has been paying attention to what’s been happening politically in our country, and he doesn’t like it. (Who does?)

I fear that my son will skip the election because he thinks his vote won’t matter. What can I say to change his mind? I have taken him to vote with me since he was born. He sees how committed I am to the democratic process. But all of the negativity of late is a real turnoff for him. -- Motivate My Son, Bronx, New York

DEAR MOTIVATE MY SON: When I was a child, my father used to tell the story of how he lost an election in Baltimore to the tune of 50 or so votes. Later, he went on to win the job of state senator, becoming the first black man in that role. He never gave up. He taught my sisters and me that every vote counts -- always. He grew up during Jim Crow, when times were even more extreme than today. He believed in the power of one vote to make a difference.

Tell your son as many stories as you can that show how every single vote counts. In the midterm elections, many people do not pay attention to the issues and do not vote. Encourage your son to know what he will be voting for. Tell him that he can’t complain unless he makes the effort to make a difference. His single vote counts a lot this year. Suggest that he rally some of his friends to vote as well. Peer pressure is real among teens. Encourage him to get his friends to pay attention to the issues with him and to agree to go out and vote together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I try hard to be lenient and fair with my kids. I set limits for what they are allowed to do based on their ages, grades and behaviors. I spend a lot of time thinking about this. What I get back from them is that I am unfair. I am too strict. All of their friends get to do more than they do. The list goes on and on.

While it may be true that their friends get more freedoms, I really don’t care about that. I can’t run my family based on somebody else’s standards. When I try to explain that to my kids, they shrug their shoulders. I gave in once recently and let them hang out much longer than is the norm, and true to form, they were out of it the next day and completely unproductive. When I pointed that out to them, they refused to accept what had happened. What can I do to guide my kids without having them hate me? -- Drawing the Line, Atlanta

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: One thing many parents do today that I think is misguided is to try to be their kids' friend rather than their parent. Your children need you to create clear boundaries by which they must abide, or suffer the consequences. You can continue to explain your reasons for your rules, but do not relax your rules. Also make clear what the consequences will be and enforce them. They may say they hate you, but it will be temporary.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been single for about 10 years, and I’m lonely. I have used some of those online sites to try to find companionship, and it hasn’t worked. Recently, I met a man online while on a business trip. He seemed nice enough, but it turns out all he wanted was a booty call. This was before I had even met him in person! I don’t want to give up yet, but I don’t know what to do. I work a lot, so I don’t have a whole lot of free time, but I am willing to make time to meet someone new. -- Lonely Girl, Seattle

DEAR LONELY GIRL: I have talked to too many women like you who wish for a partner but haven’t found one yet. As a long-time married woman, I have not been on the dating scene for years. When I ask friends and associates or read up on the issue, the tried-and-true advice is to make yourself go out to places and activities that you believe you will enjoy, and that men also attend. You have to put yourself out there and pay attention to notice who’s in your space. Be proactive and speak to people who seem interesting.

Be sure to give people a chance even if they may live outside your comfort zone. This could mean considering potential partners outside your race, socioeconomic background or geographic location. You have to think outside of the box and imagine the life you want to live with a partner, and then put yourself in situations where you are living that life. Then notice who else is living it, too. Being authentically you is essential so that you attract people who like the true you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time my mother doesn’t answer her phone, I go into a panic. My family and I moved her into an assisted living facility about a year ago because she wasn’t doing well living on her own. This helps, but when she doesn’t pick up, I can’t help but think the worst. That snowballs into a bad scene. I call everywhere looking for her. So far, I have found her safe each time. What can I do to be less anxious about my mother’s safety? -- Looking Out for Mom, Sarasota, Florida

DEAR LOOKING OUT FOR MOM: Talk to the facility where your mother is staying to learn how they account for their residents. Each place will have its own system of checking on those who live there. One common approach is for the facility to require residents to ring a bell that indicates electronically that they are OK. If the bell isn’t rung by a certain time, the front desk places a call and then sends someone to check if there still isn’t an answer. Find out what happens at your mom’s place.

Build a rapport with the front desk folks. Call them when you are worried, and ask them to find your mom. Schedule specific times each day when you call your mom. If she doesn’t answer or call back, call the building. By defining systems and following those that already exist, you create space for ease.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)