life

Long-Distance Boyfriend's New Friends Cause Jealousy

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 9th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Why am I always so jealous? My boyfriend moved to Houston last November. I live in Boston, so we have been doing long-distance for some time. We visit each other every two to three weeks, so it’s not as bad as it could be.

Just last week, my boyfriend's company hired two new women to work alongside him. I don’t know why this bothers me and makes me jealous, but it does. Since last week, my boyfriend has gotten dinner and drinks with them to introduce and welcome them to the company. I know they are colleagues, so this shouldn’t upset me, but it does. One of them even asked if he would come to her birthday party with her friends. My boyfriend has done nothing to make me not trust him, so why does his hanging out with these women make me jealous? Am I crazy and possessive? -- Jealous Girlfriend, Boston

DEAR JEALOUS GIRLFRIEND: What you have described sounds like a normal working relationship with colleagues. If this is all that's going on with him and his co-workers, then it is you who have the problem. It is understandable that you feel insecure about being so far away from your boyfriend -- yes, it is possible that he could become attracted to someone else, but it is not a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Do a self-assessment. You need to figure out if you can handle your boyfriend living his life and interacting with co-workers and others without you assuming the worst about what might happen. If you are unable to accept his life as it is and you still want to be with him, you need to talk to your boyfriend about other options. Specifically, if both of you want to be together and commit to a joined life, you may need to move to the town where he lives and actively build a life together. You need his buy-in for this. If he does not agree, your choice will be to learn to trust him and accept the way he lives his life or step away.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for July 09, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 9th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every year, I am invited to go to a summer party. It is hosted at a friend’s house on Long Island. This year, one of my girlfriends asked if she could come to the party as well. Although she is one of my best friends, I'm hesitant about inviting her because she always drinks too much at these events and makes a fool of herself, which, in turn, makes a fool of me. I don't think she fully understands that if I invite her, both of our reputations are on the line. I'm not sure what to do here. Do I tell my friend she can't come and risk creating drama between her and me, or should I invite her and risk her actions embarrassing me? -- Embarrassed Friend, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR EMBARRASSED FRIEND: It is time to draw that proverbial line in the sand. Contact your friend and schedule a get-together. Tell her that you will not be inviting her to the party this year because you cannot trust her behavior. Describe to her how she has acted in the past and how heartbreaking and embarrassing it has been for her and for you. Suggest that she get help. She can go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, which is a free option. She can also consider a rehab treatment program, which can work if she has insurance. The point is to encourage her to get help now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Co-Worker's Drinking Habits Don't Make Her Alcoholic

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 7th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a feeling that one of my co-workers is an alcoholic. I work for a company in the food and beverage industry, and we have a lot of alcoholic beverage clients, which means we have a lot of liquor displayed in the office. We are all welcome to take whatever we want, but no one does -- except for one woman. She frequents the company’s liquor cabinet and has a drink every day. She doesn’t drink in the morning, but as soon as it's the afternoon, she pours herself a mixed drink. I feel this is abnormal, and I’m wondering if I should mention it to someone. What do you think I should do about this situation? -- Alcoholic Co-Worker, Boston

DEAR ALCOHOLIC COWORKER: You should leave this alone. Unless this woman is harming herself at work, is unable to do her job or is disrupting things, her drinking is none of your business. Chances are, others have noticed that she is the one who is sipping on the job. She may be an alcoholic, but that is her problem. If you befriend her, you could give her a heads-up that people notice that she frequents the liquor cabinet. But don’t take it to the boss. Let the story unfold as it will.

Work & SchoolFriends & NeighborsAddictionHealth & Safety
life

Father Ignores Sister's Request While She's Hospitalized

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 7th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister recently had surgery. It was an emergency surgery, so everything happened quickly. When she was in the hospital, one of the things she asked me was to not let my dad bring his girlfriend. They do not get along, and my sister didn’t see the need for his girlfriend to be there. I told my dad this over and over again, but he kept bringing his girlfriend into the hospital room where my sister was. I did not want to cause a scene because my sister was still recovering, but I think what he did was selfish. How do I bring up this conversation and my dad’s actions in the right way? -- Unwanted Hospital Visit, Seattle

DEAR UNWANTED HOSPITAL VISIT: Ask your father if you can get together to talk. Tell him how selfish and unkind you thought he was to directly ignore your sister’s request for his girlfriend NOT to come to the hospital. Tell him that you want to have a healthy relationship with him, but he is making it difficult by not honoring your sister's wishes.

It is probably tough for him to tell his girlfriend to stay away. What this points to is the need for a heart-to-heart with him and your sister. What is the issue with his girlfriend? You need to spell it out. Don’t expect your father to walk away from her. Instead, ask him to respect your boundaries.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Family & ParentingHealth & SafetyEtiquette & Ethics
life

Woman Worried Her Body Isn't Bikini-Ready

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 6th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: As the summer is almost in full swing, I have realized that my summer body is not. I am extremely self-conscious of my stomach and thighs. I know that I’m not fat, but I am not skinny or thin. I always try to diet and eat healthy, but there are so many summer barbecues filled with yummy foods and tons of alcohol.

I want to lose a few pounds this summer so that I don’t feel so self-conscious. I’m the girl who keeps her shirt and shorts on when everyone else is wearing a bathing suit. I don’t want to miss out on summer events, but I just can’t stand myself in any summer outfits. I want to be comfortable in my skin and love my body, but it’s so hard when I see my friends in bathing suits. I know that I can’t compare myself to other people, but how can I stop when I see skinny girls at the beach or on Instagram? -- Feeling Like a Beached Whale, Fort Lee, New Jersey

DEAR FEELING LIKE A BEACHED WHALE: Lots of women go to the beach without wearing a bathing suit. Many wear cover-ups that emphasize their favorable physical features and camouflage the others. You may want to consider loose, flowing dresses rather than shorts. They are cool and pretty and may make you feel more comfortable.

Ultimately, though, you have to stop looking at other people and sizing yourself up next to them. Every one of us has issues. Even so-called skinny girls do. Take your focus away from the women who spark low self-esteem in you. Instead, concentrate on yourself. Make smart choices when you eat. Move your body so that you get the exercise you need. Start affirming your positive attributes. When you can relax and accept yourself as you are, you will be happier and make choices to make yourself healthier.

Health & SafetyMental HealthHolidays & Celebrations
life

Parent Worries That Son Is a Bully

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 6th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is in seventh grade. He is smart and social. He has a big group of friends, and from an outside perspective, he seems to be the leader of the group; he's always calling the shots and making the plans. As much as I admire this leadership trait in my son, I’m afraid he is turning into a bully. Whenever he and his friends are over at the house, I overhear my son saying mean things to some of the other boys. Do you think this is something I should be concerned about? Should I interfere? Is it just a phase? -- Son Might Be a Bully, Milwaukee

DEAR SON MIGHT BE A BULLY: You must address this immediately. Tell your son what you have observed and heard and how you think it makes the other boys feel. Because your son is popular, he needs to understand that his words probably carry more significance than those of his peers. That makes it even more important for him to be mindful of how he teases others. It is not OK to be mean to his friends. Tell him that you will not tolerate it. Ground him if he doesn’t curtail his behavior. If he loses precious privileges, he may consider changing his ways.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

AbuseTeensFamily & ParentingWork & School

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Last Word in Astrology for May 23, 2022
  • Last Word in Astrology for May 22, 2022
  • Last Word in Astrology for May 21, 2022
  • Father Not Certain How to Reconnect with Daughter from First Marriage
  • Recession Worries Makes LW Fearful of Starting a Family
  • LW Worried Sister's Sharp, Stubborn Personality Will Ruin a Good Thing
  • Training Techniques
  • Aiding Animal Refugees
  • Contented Cats
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal