life

Co-Worker's Drinking Habits Don't Make Her Alcoholic

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 7th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a feeling that one of my co-workers is an alcoholic. I work for a company in the food and beverage industry, and we have a lot of alcoholic beverage clients, which means we have a lot of liquor displayed in the office. We are all welcome to take whatever we want, but no one does -- except for one woman. She frequents the company’s liquor cabinet and has a drink every day. She doesn’t drink in the morning, but as soon as it's the afternoon, she pours herself a mixed drink. I feel this is abnormal, and I’m wondering if I should mention it to someone. What do you think I should do about this situation? -- Alcoholic Co-Worker, Boston

DEAR ALCOHOLIC COWORKER: You should leave this alone. Unless this woman is harming herself at work, is unable to do her job or is disrupting things, her drinking is none of your business. Chances are, others have noticed that she is the one who is sipping on the job. She may be an alcoholic, but that is her problem. If you befriend her, you could give her a heads-up that people notice that she frequents the liquor cabinet. But don’t take it to the boss. Let the story unfold as it will.

Health & SafetyAddictionFriends & NeighborsWork & School
life

Father Ignores Sister's Request While She's Hospitalized

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 7th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister recently had surgery. It was an emergency surgery, so everything happened quickly. When she was in the hospital, one of the things she asked me was to not let my dad bring his girlfriend. They do not get along, and my sister didn’t see the need for his girlfriend to be there. I told my dad this over and over again, but he kept bringing his girlfriend into the hospital room where my sister was. I did not want to cause a scene because my sister was still recovering, but I think what he did was selfish. How do I bring up this conversation and my dad’s actions in the right way? -- Unwanted Hospital Visit, Seattle

DEAR UNWANTED HOSPITAL VISIT: Ask your father if you can get together to talk. Tell him how selfish and unkind you thought he was to directly ignore your sister’s request for his girlfriend NOT to come to the hospital. Tell him that you want to have a healthy relationship with him, but he is making it difficult by not honoring your sister's wishes.

It is probably tough for him to tell his girlfriend to stay away. What this points to is the need for a heart-to-heart with him and your sister. What is the issue with his girlfriend? You need to spell it out. Don’t expect your father to walk away from her. Instead, ask him to respect your boundaries.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Etiquette & EthicsHealth & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Woman Worried Her Body Isn't Bikini-Ready

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 6th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: As the summer is almost in full swing, I have realized that my summer body is not. I am extremely self-conscious of my stomach and thighs. I know that I’m not fat, but I am not skinny or thin. I always try to diet and eat healthy, but there are so many summer barbecues filled with yummy foods and tons of alcohol.

I want to lose a few pounds this summer so that I don’t feel so self-conscious. I’m the girl who keeps her shirt and shorts on when everyone else is wearing a bathing suit. I don’t want to miss out on summer events, but I just can’t stand myself in any summer outfits. I want to be comfortable in my skin and love my body, but it’s so hard when I see my friends in bathing suits. I know that I can’t compare myself to other people, but how can I stop when I see skinny girls at the beach or on Instagram? -- Feeling Like a Beached Whale, Fort Lee, New Jersey

DEAR FEELING LIKE A BEACHED WHALE: Lots of women go to the beach without wearing a bathing suit. Many wear cover-ups that emphasize their favorable physical features and camouflage the others. You may want to consider loose, flowing dresses rather than shorts. They are cool and pretty and may make you feel more comfortable.

Ultimately, though, you have to stop looking at other people and sizing yourself up next to them. Every one of us has issues. Even so-called skinny girls do. Take your focus away from the women who spark low self-esteem in you. Instead, concentrate on yourself. Make smart choices when you eat. Move your body so that you get the exercise you need. Start affirming your positive attributes. When you can relax and accept yourself as you are, you will be happier and make choices to make yourself healthier.

Holidays & CelebrationsMental HealthHealth & Safety
life

Parent Worries That Son Is a Bully

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 6th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is in seventh grade. He is smart and social. He has a big group of friends, and from an outside perspective, he seems to be the leader of the group; he's always calling the shots and making the plans. As much as I admire this leadership trait in my son, I’m afraid he is turning into a bully. Whenever he and his friends are over at the house, I overhear my son saying mean things to some of the other boys. Do you think this is something I should be concerned about? Should I interfere? Is it just a phase? -- Son Might Be a Bully, Milwaukee

DEAR SON MIGHT BE A BULLY: You must address this immediately. Tell your son what you have observed and heard and how you think it makes the other boys feel. Because your son is popular, he needs to understand that his words probably carry more significance than those of his peers. That makes it even more important for him to be mindful of how he teases others. It is not OK to be mean to his friends. Tell him that you will not tolerate it. Ground him if he doesn’t curtail his behavior. If he loses precious privileges, he may consider changing his ways.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Work & SchoolAbuseTeensFamily & Parenting
life

Parents Don't Understand Why Recent Grad Wants Time Off

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 5th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just graduated from college and am looking for a job. I am looking for a job now only because my parents are making me. I wanted to take some time off over the summer and relax after having a busy school year.

I am the youngest of five, and all four of my older siblings are extremely driven and successful. I did well in school and have a strong work ethic, but I’m just different from them. I don’t want to start working right away like they did. I don’t want to jump into a position that I am going to be unhappy in, but my parents don’t understand that. I told them that I wanted to take the summer off, visit my boyfriend in California and maybe travel a bit before I start. They said that I shouldn’t be doing that and should focus on starting my career. I’m 21 and will have the rest of my life to work; I just want some time off. Do you think I would need to have another conversation with them about taking some time off for them to understand? -- Postgrad in Need of Time, Westchester, New York

DEAR POSTGRAD IN NEED OF TIME: I hear your pain, but I can’t co-sign your efforts. If your parents were on board with your time-off strategy, it would be one thing. That would require them to foot your bills for another year while you enjoy some downtime. That’s a lot to ask.

If you are set on fulfilling this plan, check your bank account. Can you afford to take care of yourself for the time you want to travel and possibly six to 12 months longer? It often takes up to a year or more to secure a job after you graduate from college.

Why not consider a compromise? Ask your parents if you can take off a couple of weeks before you start your job search. They may be more amenable to your desire for play if they can see that you are also considering your future seriously.

Family & ParentingWork & School
life

Grandparents Seem to Favor Younger Sister

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | July 5th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have three siblings. We are my maternal grandparents’ only grandkids. We’re close with them because they live around the corner. I’ve been noticing lately that both my grandpa and grandma favor my younger sister out of all of us. They invite her to do a lot more activities, like going to museums or having dinner, than the rest of us. It doesn’t bother me as much as it bothers my other siblings. As the oldest, I feel like I should say something to them. What do you think I should do? -- Speaking Up to the Grandparents, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR SPEAKING UP TO THE GRANDPARENTS: This is a delicate matter. Unfortunately, loved ones often pick favorites, and it can be extremely hurtful to those who were not picked to watch. Will your saying something make a difference? I doubt it. But it could be worth a try.

As the oldest, request a meeting with your grandparents. Tell them how much you all love them and appreciate spending time with them. Then, point out that you have noticed something that they may not realize they have been doing -- spending a lot more time with the youngest grandchild than with the others. Tell them that all four of you want to enjoy their company and it hurts your feelings that they seem to forget about the three of you in favor of the baby. Ask them to try to remember you three more often.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Etiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting

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