DEAR HARRIETTE: As the summer is almost in full swing, I have realized that my summer body is not. I am extremely self-conscious of my stomach and thighs. I know that I’m not fat, but I am not skinny or thin. I always try to diet and eat healthy, but there are so many summer barbecues filled with yummy foods and tons of alcohol.

I want to lose a few pounds this summer so that I don’t feel so self-conscious. I’m the girl who keeps her shirt and shorts on when everyone else is wearing a bathing suit. I don’t want to miss out on summer events, but I just can’t stand myself in any summer outfits. I want to be comfortable in my skin and love my body, but it’s so hard when I see my friends in bathing suits. I know that I can’t compare myself to other people, but how can I stop when I see skinny girls at the beach or on Instagram? -- Feeling Like a Beached Whale, Fort Lee, New Jersey

DEAR FEELING LIKE A BEACHED WHALE: Lots of women go to the beach without wearing a bathing suit. Many wear cover-ups that emphasize their favorable physical features and camouflage the others. You may want to consider loose, flowing dresses rather than shorts. They are cool and pretty and may make you feel more comfortable.

Ultimately, though, you have to stop looking at other people and sizing yourself up next to them. Every one of us has issues. Even so-called skinny girls do. Take your focus away from the women who spark low self-esteem in you. Instead, concentrate on yourself. Make smart choices when you eat. Move your body so that you get the exercise you need. Start affirming your positive attributes. When you can relax and accept yourself as you are, you will be happier and make choices to make yourself healthier.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is in seventh grade. He is smart and social. He has a big group of friends, and from an outside perspective, he seems to be the leader of the group; he's always calling the shots and making the plans. As much as I admire this leadership trait in my son, I’m afraid he is turning into a bully. Whenever he and his friends are over at the house, I overhear my son saying mean things to some of the other boys. Do you think this is something I should be concerned about? Should I interfere? Is it just a phase? -- Son Might Be a Bully, Milwaukee

DEAR SON MIGHT BE A BULLY: You must address this immediately. Tell your son what you have observed and heard and how you think it makes the other boys feel. Because your son is popular, he needs to understand that his words probably carry more significance than those of his peers. That makes it even more important for him to be mindful of how he teases others. It is not OK to be mean to his friends. Tell him that you will not tolerate it. Ground him if he doesn’t curtail his behavior. If he loses precious privileges, he may consider changing his ways.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just graduated from college and am looking for a job. I am looking for a job now only because my parents are making me. I wanted to take some time off over the summer and relax after having a busy school year.

I am the youngest of five, and all four of my older siblings are extremely driven and successful. I did well in school and have a strong work ethic, but I’m just different from them. I don’t want to start working right away like they did. I don’t want to jump into a position that I am going to be unhappy in, but my parents don’t understand that. I told them that I wanted to take the summer off, visit my boyfriend in California and maybe travel a bit before I start. They said that I shouldn’t be doing that and should focus on starting my career. I’m 21 and will have the rest of my life to work; I just want some time off. Do you think I would need to have another conversation with them about taking some time off for them to understand? -- Postgrad in Need of Time, Westchester, New York

DEAR POSTGRAD IN NEED OF TIME: I hear your pain, but I can’t co-sign your efforts. If your parents were on board with your time-off strategy, it would be one thing. That would require them to foot your bills for another year while you enjoy some downtime. That’s a lot to ask.

If you are set on fulfilling this plan, check your bank account. Can you afford to take care of yourself for the time you want to travel and possibly six to 12 months longer? It often takes up to a year or more to secure a job after you graduate from college.

Why not consider a compromise? Ask your parents if you can take off a couple of weeks before you start your job search. They may be more amenable to your desire for play if they can see that you are also considering your future seriously.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have three siblings. We are my maternal grandparents’ only grandkids. We’re close with them because they live around the corner. I’ve been noticing lately that both my grandpa and grandma favor my younger sister out of all of us. They invite her to do a lot more activities, like going to museums or having dinner, than the rest of us. It doesn’t bother me as much as it bothers my other siblings. As the oldest, I feel like I should say something to them. What do you think I should do? -- Speaking Up to the Grandparents, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR SPEAKING UP TO THE GRANDPARENTS: This is a delicate matter. Unfortunately, loved ones often pick favorites, and it can be extremely hurtful to those who were not picked to watch. Will your saying something make a difference? I doubt it. But it could be worth a try.

As the oldest, request a meeting with your grandparents. Tell them how much you all love them and appreciate spending time with them. Then, point out that you have noticed something that they may not realize they have been doing -- spending a lot more time with the youngest grandchild than with the others. Tell them that all four of you want to enjoy their company and it hurts your feelings that they seem to forget about the three of you in favor of the baby. Ask them to try to remember you three more often.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: On this day that we celebrate the independence of our country, I want to appeal to the best within us. The promise of our great nation is at risk. Too many frightening occurrences are happening on our watch. We need to do something. It seems that we have been at war with one another and most of the world for too long. These days, the tensions have escalated. I often wake up in fear of what the headlines will reveal about our country’s behavior during the hours that I was sleeping. I hold my breath before I glance at my smartphone or turn on the news.

This is not the way to live. Yes, we have fought many battles to make ourselves a more perfect union. Yes, there are many blemishes that we cannot overlook. But as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. suggested, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”

What does justice look like? How can we claim justice in our daily lives? I just listened to 40 middle school students speak at my daughter’s eighth-grade graduation. In her school, there is a strong social justice civics program from preschool all the way through middle school. The teachers encourage the children to learn about both major political parties and to learn their philosophies. They had a mock presidential election in 2016, and a mock Congress this year, where the students immerse themselves in the roles and processes involved in each so that they can understand how government works. They visited our nation’s capital and met with leaders on both sides of the aisle, including Reps. John Lewis (D-Georgia) and Will Hurd (R-Texas) to gain firsthand knowledge of the legislative process.

These students from our New York City liberal-minded school then participated in multiple conversations with students from a conservative-minded rural school in Virginia. Both sides started out wearing the veil of stereotypical thinking. By the end, both sets of students gained a better understanding and compassion for the other side. They spoke to the humanity in each other and, in turn, considered how they could possess certain ideologies and beliefs.

I know all of this because many of the students at graduation spoke about how their eyes were opened to differences and how they became able to respectfully disagree or become more flexible in their approach to some delicate hot-button issues after talking openly with these kids.

I walked away from that graduation feeling hopeful that our children will lead the way. They were strong, clear, articulate and focused. But we cannot rely on them. We must carry the torch of goodness right now. We must shine a light on injustice and point our steps toward creating a better world for ourselves and future generations. We need to make it possible to turn on the news with ease, without holding our breath, because uplifting messages are beginning to flow again. It is our responsibility. This is how we maintain our independence and respect around the world. Now is the time for action, for healing. It is our duty to maintain our nation as a beacon of hope, grace and possibility for each other and for the world.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)