DEAR HARRIETTE: I have had two girlfriends in my life: the girl I am currently seeing and my ex. Last weekend, I went out in New York City with a group of my college buddies. Later in the night, I got a text from another friend saying he was hanging out with my ex. I don’t know why, but it bothered me. I don’t have feelings for my ex-girlfriend or even care what she does. What bothered me was that my friend didn’t give me a heads-up about his plans.

I feel like my friend was trying to hide the fact he was going to be at a party with my ex-girlfriend. Is it irrational that I am upset about this? -- Ex Questioning Feelings, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR EX QUESTIONING FEELINGS: Love is a fickle thing. On one hand, you are long gone from your ex. On the other, you aren’t so keen on having your friends continue to hang out with her. That’s normal -- if not rational. Many friends create boundaries around dating each other’s exes. Perhaps you should at least have that conversation with your friend. Tell him the truth: You know that you have no “rights” over this young lady, but you would hope that he would keep her off-limits romantically. Know that this doesn’t always work and can be impractical at times.

If your friend does decide to continue to spend time with your ex, you must make some decisions. Can you be comfortable in her company when you are with your girlfriend? Can you remain good friends with your buddy who crossed the line? What will your next steps be?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I commute to work every day by train. I take the same train each morning and have gotten into a nice routine. Last week, an old friend started a new job, and she gets on the train at the same station. I like her and would even consider her one of my closest friends, but I can't stand her in the morning. She is one of those people who needs to fill silence, while I enjoy my peaceful train rides. I can’t afford to take a later train, but I do not want to continue riding the train with her. Any advice on what I can do here? -- No Longer a Solo Commuter, Westchester, New York

DEAR NO LONGER A SOLO COMMUTER: You have to draw a line with your friend. Speak up for yourself. Tell your friend that you have a long-established routine that you do not want to break. You like to be quiet in the mornings, and you realize she likes to talk. Tell her that you must reserve your quiet time in the morning, which means that you are sorry, but you are unable to hang out with her on the ride to work. Offer to spend time with her on the way home if you happen to leave at the same time, but put your foot down about reserving time for yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just started a new job. I am a salaried employee, which means I don’t get paid anything extra for any overtime hours. When I accepted the job, I was told the hours varied based on how much work you get done each day, but generally I'd work from 9:30 a.m. to 6 p.m.

I’ve been working here only a week, but every day, most the office stays past 6. I feel awkward getting up and leaving at 6, considering I’m the only one and I’m new. Do you think I should talk to the CEO to go over my hours again? -- Leaving Early, New York City

DEAR LEAVING EARLY: I can tell you the legal reality of your situation and also what’s practical. Legally, if you do not get paid overtime, you do not have to work extra hours. You are working the hours that were specified for you when you were hired.

That said, in my personal experience, I have always worked the extra hours, coming in early and leaving late. Nobody told me to do this, but it served me well. I know that this has been true for other people, too. If your job is one that has space to rise up the ladder, you want to show your boss that you are a team player who is willing to go the distance.

For now, I recommend that you follow your boss’s work schedule. Arrive before or at the same time he or she arrives, and leave when your boss leaves. Your dedication to the work and obvious interest in being a team player will be noticed. It may take time before you are rewarded financially for your commitment, but chances are it will come. Patience is key here. If you are able to be patient and learn the ropes as you prove your value to the company, you will create the opportunity for you to soar.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been friends with my best friend since we were 8 years old. She’s more like a sister than a friend. We’re now both in college, but remain very close. Whenever I FaceTime her, call her or even go to visit her at college, her roommate gives me the cold shoulder. She is rude to me for no reason, and we don’t get along. It may sound weird, but I think she gets jealous of how close my friend and I are. How do I handle this situation so that it's not awkward every time we see each other? -- Battle of the Friends, Philadelphia

DEAR BATTLE OF THE FRIENDS: As friends make transitions in their lives, many interpersonal dynamics change. That includes how you interact as young adults compared to as little girls. Both you and your best friend need to figure out how to stay close without alienating her roommate. Why? Because her roommate is there every day, and your friend must cultivate a way to live with her peacefully.

This does not mean that you should walk away from your friendship. You should work together to make the roommate feel welcome when you are together. Include her when you talk via FaceTime and especially when you are together. You may even want to speak to her together about starting over so that you can get along better. Sometimes calling out the elephant in the room is helpful.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My older brother got hit by a bus a couple of months ago, and he is now paralyzed from his waist down. The doctors say there is a possibility that he can regain motion in his legs and possibly walk in time, which is great news. It’s been hard to see him go through this; he has been depressed and negative, which is understandable. He used to be such a positive, happy person, and I want to get him back to that place, regardless of his current situation. How can I make him see that the more positive he is, the more likely he is to heal? -- Helping My Brother, Denver

DEAR HELPING MY BROTHER: As difficult as your brother’s injury is, the blessing remains that he is alive and that he may be able to walk again. This is something you can remind him of, especially when he is feeling down.

It is natural for your brother to feel a range of emotions now. The five stages of grief are often part of the healing process for someone with a spinal cord injury. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It is too soon for your brother to have worked through each stage. If you can get him psychological support, that should help guide him through his emotions as he also gets help with strengthening his physical body. To get support, visit christopherreeve.org/get-support.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently signed up for a dating app, but I’m embarrassed about it. I’ve always wanted to meet someone spontaneously on the street or at a party -- never through an app. It’s hard for older women to find someone to date. I’m a bit uncomfortable with the whole idea, but my friends who are around my age -- mid-50s -- have been on it and told me I should give it a try. Do you think it’s worth a shot? -- Single Girl of a Certain Age, Seattle

DEAR SINGLE GIRL OF A CERTAIN AGE: Go for it! Many people meet potential dates through apps these days. I get that it seems impersonal, but you can definitely meet someone.

Be clear that you must vet the people with whom you match. Start by asking for referrals for dating apps that your friends have liked. Once you sign up, review the matches suggested to you carefully. Ask questions of any potential suitors to get a better sense of who they are. When you do go on a date, choose a public area where you will feel safe, but one that is quiet enough for you to hear yourselves talk.

Conversely, you can also expand your activity base. Choose to put yourself out there by participating in classes and other activities in your city that interest you and that attract people who share your interests. Many people meet at these occasions as well. I know a 70-year-old woman who just found a fascinating suitor because she decided to stop staying home and go out to explore the world. You can, too!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)