life

Reader Debates Going to Graduate School

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 7th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been going back and forth with the idea of attending graduate school to receive my master’s degree. There are many reasons for my waffling: I don’t have enough money to attend, so I would need to receive some sort of scholarship or loan, and I am not sure what graduate program I want to do. Another reason I am conflicted about the idea is the timing of it. Should I be attending graduate school immediately after I received my undergraduate degree, or work for a couple of years to gain experience and then go back to school to earn my master’s? What do you think is most beneficial or looks best to a prospective employer? -- Master's Degree Debate, Philadelphia

DEAR MASTER’S DEGREE DEBATE: Timing for graduate school is an important decision that prompts many questions. Think about what you want to do for your career. Ask yourself what your career interests are and what steps you need to take to get there. This includes both the education track and the employment track. Can you find a job in your area of interest so that you can gain experience as you earn money? Can you look around for scholarships for your advanced degree or find a program that is relatively affordable? Could you work as a teacher's assistant to offset the costs? Exhaust your options, and write them on a list to compare working first versus going to school immediately. Evaluate your research to decide what your heart and gut tell you to do.

Work & SchoolMoneyFamily & Parenting
life

Reader Questions Living Alone in New City

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 7th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am moving to Philadelphia in a couple of months, and I am deciding who I want to live with. I am a social person and have a bunch of friends I could possibly live with. My grandfather works in real estate and told me he can get a great apartment for me, but it is a one-bedroom, meaning I would not have any roommates. I am thinking about taking him up on his offer, just because it is such a great deal financially. I also keep thinking about how lonely I might be if I do decide to live alone -- I have never lived alone before, so it is a little nerve-wracking. What is your opinion on living alone versus living with roommates? -- Living Solo or Not, Atlanta

DEAR LIVING SOLO OR NOT: Living alone and being able to make your own rules is a luxury. Your grandfather has offered you a gift by finding an affordable one-bedroom. Typically, when young people are starting off, they need roommates in order to pay the bills. My vote would be to live alone and build your network of friends peripherally.

That said, if you truly believe that you will feel isolated and lonely, ask your grandfather to find you a two-bedroom apartment. Since he is in real estate, chances are he can find you what you most want. If you choose to have a roommate, make sure that person is responsible. You should both sign the lease so that you are not soley responsible for any damages. Having a roommate can be fun but challenging.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

MoneyFriends & Neighbors
life

Summer of Fun Might Not Be Best Idea

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 6th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I wanted to know your perspective on a gap year, or "summer of fun," when a student takes a year or a summer to relax before he or she starts a full-time job in the real world. I am about to graduate college and hope to secure a job after graduation. Recently, I have been thinking I should take the summer to hang out, travel and spend time with my family and friends. A lot of my friends plan on doing this, so I know it’s common, but I’m not sure if it is the best move. As a businesswoman, what is your take on going straight to work? -- Summer of Work or Fun?, Dallas

DEAR SUMMER OF WORK OR FUN?: Theoretically, I like the idea of a summer of fun. Practically, I have very different thoughts. There are thousands of college graduates who begin to look for work even before senior year ends. Most jobs are highly competitive, and even though the economy seems to be improving, young people continue to have difficulty finding work immediately upon graduation. Assess how long you can afford to live without having a job. If your parents are willing to support you during your time off and the period it takes you to find a job, that time of fun and exploration could be worth it, as it also can give you fresh eyes with which to consider your future. If you cannot afford it, look for work now and take a vacation when you earn time off.

Holidays & CelebrationsWork & SchoolMoney
life

Reader Can't Afford Fancy Birthday Dinner for Girlfriend

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 6th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend’s birthday is this week, and I have planned on taking her out to dinner to celebrate. I asked her what restaurant she wanted to go to, and she told me to choose. I don’t want to make it obvious or make her feel bad, but the reality is that I don’t have a lot of money at the moment, and I cannot afford to spend too much on her birthday dinner. I have been researching places that are affordable, but I am afraid that she will think I’m being cheap or don’t want to give her a nice birthday dinner. Do you think I should just let the dinner happen and not mention anything about the money? -- Girlfriend's Birthday Dinner, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR GIRLFRIEND’S BIRTHDAY DINNER: Your girlfriend may be more aware of your reality than you give her credit for. Get creative. Identify an affordable and fun or romantic restaurant to visit with your girlfriend. Add special touches like asking the waiter to bring a bottle of bubbly shortly after you two arrive. Select a special dessert and ask them to bring it with a lit candle. Your added touches that show how much you care can go much further than an expensive plate of food.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

MoneyHolidays & CelebrationsLove & Dating
life

Reader Must Stay Prepared for Interview

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 5th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: How do you prepare for a spontaneous job interview? I recently spoke with a radio executive, and he asked me about myself and whether I knew about his radio station and some of the local channels. I knew of the channels, but I wasn’t sure about the details. I felt so embarrassed. He said that he will forward my resume to the hiring manager for any potential positions, but how should I stay prepared for times like this? -- Ever-Ready Interviewee, Salisbury, Maryland

DEAR EVER-READY INTERVIEWEE: The way you stay ready for any interview is to remain up on current events and pay attention to your surroundings. While it is impossible for you to be knowledgeable about every subject, your general awareness of current events and local culture should help you to engage in smart conversations whenever they occur. Be mindful never to lie about what you know. Instead, when you so have a bit of knowledge, use that to participate in a conversation. Then pivot and start asking questions so that you can learn. For example, you could have said what you do know about the station, followed by a question about what he thinks the best programming is today or what he likes most about the station. Your follow-up to this man should include you doing research about the station so that when you write to him, you share something more that you have learned about the station that demonstrates your interest and enthusiasm about the company.

Work & School
life

Reader Horrified by Language Gaffe

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | April 5th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a client who comes in to my work; I don't speak to her much, but I know that she is a transgender woman. We usually just say “hello” and “goodbye.” Last week, we had a full conversation, and I accidentally said “he,” which is not her pronoun of choice. I felt horrible and apologized repeatedly. She understood, but I still feel bad.

This is something I've never had to face until now. I don't want to feel awkward around her because of the mistake I made. I don't have anything against the transgender community, but my mistake makes me feel like I’m insensitive, which is not true. How do I move on from my mistake? -- Transgender Stumble, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR TRANSGENDER STUMBLE: Move past your embarrassment at not having the language to be respectful to your client. Staying uncomfortable will only reinforce your ignorance next time you see this customer. Instead, do your research so that you can learn more about the transgender community and how to be supportive.

As far as language goes, you can use gender nonspecific pronouns. Saying “they” or “you” rather than “he” or “she” is common the days. Yes, it can be a bit confusing when it comes to grammar and number agreement, but it’s getting more common to be vague when referring to others. Many individuals have become “they” in contemporary speech. This is a safe way to avoid being gender specific when you aren’t sure.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Work & SchoolSex & GenderEtiquette & Ethics

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