DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a girlfriend for four years during college; we broke up about two years ago, and it ended badly. We are no longer on speaking terms. That being said, I will always care for her, and I like to hear that she is doing well.

Last week, one of our mutual friends informed me that my ex is sick. There is something wrong with her lungs, and she has been having trouble breathing on her own for the past month or so. When I first heard this, my heart hurt and my immediate reaction was to call her. I got no response, and then I wondered if it is my place to reach out. Under these circumstances, what is the right thing to do? -- Caring Ex-Boyfriend, Cincinnati

DEAR CARING EX-BOYFRIEND: I am sorry to hear about your ex-girlfriend’s health challenge. It was kind of you to reach out to her during this time of need. It is also important that you not have any expectations about how she might respond. Given that she is ill, she may not be able to reach back to you even if she wants to. It could also be true that she does not want to reopen that door in her life.

Send her a get-well card and keep her in your prayers. You should not continue to contact her, though. Give her space. If you feel comfortable staying in touch with the mutual friend you saw, check in periodically to see how your ex is doing and if you could be of help. Don’t be pushy, though.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been invited to a wedding this summer in Rhode Island as my fiance’s plus-one. The wedding is an orthodox Jewish wedding, and this will be the first religious wedding I have attended. I am unfamiliar with Jewish wedding traditions, and I'm struggling with what to wear. I have done some research online about appropriate attire, but I am a little confused because some sites say I need to cover my shoulders and knees, but others say they just need to be covered for the service, and I can be showier at the reception. I don’t want to offend anyone with my dress. What type of outfit do you recommend I wear to this orthodox Jewish summer wedding? -- Orthodox Wedding Attire, Denver

DEAR ORTHODOX WEDDING ATTIRE: For traditional weddings in general, you should have your shoulders and knees covered. Indeed, many women wear sheer hosiery so that their legs are not bare. In terms of attire for the reception, it’s best if you wear the same outfit. Your goal should be to dress modestly. If you wear a dress that is sleeveless, keep your shrug or shawl on until you get a cue from other women at the reception that you are free to remove it. Sometimes women can bare their shoulders while dancing. Don’t be the first to try that out, though. Observe others and follow their lead. You may feel more comfortable staying modest throughout the event.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to adopt a dog with my boyfriend. I think it will be good preparation for a child. We are not going to have children soon, but a dog would be a nice addition for both of us.

My boyfriend tells me he’s not ready for the responsibility and he doesn't know how to take care of a dog because he's never had one. I have had dogs my whole life, and I know how to do it. I’m waiting for him to become ready for a dog, but I know I will become impatient if he keeps waiting. Should I talk to him about it again? -- Wanting a Dog, Milwaukee

DEAR WANTING A DOG: Pressuring your boyfriend into getting a dog is not the best way to begin this process, especially if your goal for having a dog is to lay the foundation for having a child. It is important that the two of you work together and get on the same page about your future. Talk about your goals and dreams, and plot your course. Perhaps a dog will figure into the picture, but there is no guarantee. Many people successfully have children without ever having pets.

Figure out what each of you is willing to do as it relates to building a family. Funny enough, if you ever do get a dog, you may find yourself shouldering the lion’s share of responsibility there -- at least sometimes. You have to decide what you are willing to do.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with my friend at the same hair salon, but he doesn't get as many clients as me. We both make good money and are very close, but my friend has been asking me to borrow money more, and the amounts have gotten bigger. His reasons include his car needing to be fixed and having past-due bills.

I have a big problem with my friend because he goes out to eat and buys small gifts for himself, like new shoes and jewelry. It upsets me that he is still asking for money while occasionally buying things for himself. How do I tell him I'm not giving him any more money without losing our friendship? -- Not Your ATM, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR NOT YOUR ATM: Just stop. There is no rule about friendship that suggests that to prove your loyalty you must supplement your friend's income. Close your wallet. If your friend asks why, tell him that you can no longer afford to supplement his bad habits. You, too, have bills and responsibilities, but you've figured out how to work within your budget. He is going to have to learn to do the same.

If your friend points out that you make more money, point out that you also spend less money. Remind him of the accessories and restaurants that he pays for. Suggest that he cut back on those items so that he can learn to live within his means.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in Connecticut, and my best friend goes to school in Delaware. Her birthday is this weekend, and I am having trouble deciding if I should visit her for the weekend.

On one hand, it would be a nice thing to do for her, and I know she would appreciate me celebrating with her. On the other hand, it is a long weekend of travel for me. I would have to leave after work on Friday and return on Sunday. My friend did not visit me on my birthday, so will she be offended if I do not make the trip? What do you think I should do? -- BFF's Birthday Dilemma, Bridgeport, Connecticut

DEAR BFF’S BIRTHDAY DILEMMA: You are talking about your best friend. Chances are, she is sensitive to the fact that you live far away from her, that you want to spend time with her and that it will take extra effort to make it happen. Is it a requirement that you make the trip? Of course not. If you have the energy and desire to do it, talk to her about it. Tell her that you are thinking of traveling her way, and ask what her plans are. Be honest about your reservations -- though not about her missing out on your birthday -- and check in to see what she would like. Make the decision together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 22 years old and still terrified of the dentist. I went to a pediatric dentist until last year. Since then, I have not sought out a new dentist, meaning I have not been to the dentist in 18 months. There is nothing wrong with my teeth, but I know it is important to go at least once a year to make sure everything is OK.

Ever since I was a youngster, I have been scared of the dentist and hate the feeling of someone probing my mouth with sharp metal objects. Do you think this is a common phobia for someone my age? Do you have any advice on how I can overcome this fear? -- Scared of the Dentist, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR SCARED OF THE DENTIST: I was much like you after having had a series of bad experiences with the dentist when I was a child. I ended up needing costly and painful procedures because I ignored my mouth for too long. DON’T BE LIKE ME!

Ask your friends and your pediatric dentist for referrals. Find someone who is conscientious and who has a good bedside manner. Once you find a dentist who makes you feel comfortable, you will be able to overcome your fear. It took a lot of conversations to build trust with my dentist, and it worked. We have been together for more than 20 years. You can do it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)