DEAR HARRIETTE: My partner and I have decided to move in together. We have been dating for five years and think it is time we share an apartment. Last week, we started looking online at apartments in Philadelphia. As we were putting in the criteria -- such as location, number of bedrooms, etc. -- I was totally blindsided when my partner wanted to find a two-bedroom place.

I assumed that because we were moving in together, there would be no need to pay for an extra bedroom. My partner's response was that the extra bedroom would be for her. Basically, she wants to move in together, but have separate bedrooms. I was completely shocked at this, and it made me realize that she and I are on different pages when it comes to moving in together. Do you think it’s abnormal for a couple to move in together, yet have their own bedrooms? -- Should We Live Together?, Philadelphia

DEAR SHOULD WE LIVE TOGETHER?: There is no blueprint for how couples should live together. What is important is for the two of you to understand your desires and needs and to agree on the plan. Find out why your partner wants to have her own room. Does she want it as an office, a place to chill or specifically as her bedroom? Talk about what “living together” means to you, and ask her to explain to you what it means to her. Essentially, the two of you need to be clear about what this step means for your relationship.

One of the challenges that couples face when they decide to move in together comes when they aren’t clear about what this step says about their bond. Get clear before you sign that lease.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a younger brother of whom I have always been very protective. Recently, he asked me about getting a tattoo. I personally have two tattoos, so I’m guessing this was why he came to me. For some reason, I really do not want him to get a tattoo. I can’t figure out why, because I’m clearly not against having them. I told him whatever he decides to get, it should mean something and should not be distracting to other people.

He sent me some of his ideas, and I hated all of them. I have tried steering him away from getting a tattoo by saying I regret getting mine. Am I being unreasonable for trying to convince my brother not to get a tattoo? Do you have any other recommendations I could try to change his mind? -- Don't Get a Tattoo, Dallas

DEAR DON’T GET A TATTOO: It doesn’t work to be a hypocrite, as it is confusing for you and for your brother. It would be better for you to be honest with him and tell him that your gut says he shouldn’t get a tattoo yet -- even though you aren’t sure why. Your ambivalence is honest, and he will see that. Further, you do not have to like his tattoo choices, but you can ask him to explain why he likes particular designs. Having him articulate his views is smart. Remind him, too, that putting them in discreet places is helpful since he wouldn’t want tattoos to stand in his way as he builds his life and work.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiance and I already seem to be arguing about the smallest things. For example, the other day I went to get ice cream and called him to see if he wanted anything. I asked what flavor of ice cream he wanted, and he immediately got upset with me, telling me I should’ve remembered that he doesn't like ice cream. He went on and on about how we’ve been together for six years, and I should know this about him. It was a mistake to forget this small detail about him, but I would much rather argue about bigger, more important things such as where our wedding will be held, not ice cream. I don’t know if I am overexaggerating or if this is a glimpse into our future. Please help me. -- Nervous Finacee, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR NERVOUS FIANCEE: I can see both sides of this argument. For starters, take a deep breath and think about your relationship. What do you know and like about your fiance? What are your least favorite parts about him? Think seriously about this. When you consider what you know about your fiance, go through a list of simple things such as what he likes to eat, wear and do. Consider favorite colors, restaurants, extracurricular activities, even idiosyncrasies. Make a similar list about yourself.

How well do you know each other? Answer your fiance’s question. And find out how well he knows you, too. From there, move on to the wedding. Talk about what both of you imagined your wedding to be. Work together to create a plan that reflects who you both are and the life you want to build together. It is the little things that help to strengthen a marriage or tear it down. All of it is important.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a high school history teacher, and I am struggling with getting my kids to focus on what I’m teaching. They always seem uninterested in the topic I am lecturing on, so I need some advice on how I can grab their attention. I’ve tried different techniques, but nothing seems to be working. I don’t want to be a mean teacher who calls the student’s home -- that is not why I became a teacher -- but I fear that this is the only way to get the students to take me seriously.

Do you have any advice on how I can get my kids to give me the respect that I had at the beginning of the school year and keep them interested in the material? -- Boring History Teacher, Dayton, Ohio

DEAR BORING HISTORY TEACHER: One way that students can engage with what seems to be boring subject matter is for the teacher to bring the content to life. Think about the subject matter that you are teaching and how it relates to their lives today. What are the correlations? What projects can you give them to do that show connections between history and current events? Invite them to debate two sides of a topic or research news articles that argue points that draw out details of your lesson plan. Even consider taking a field trip to visit an historic site that may bring a history lesson to life. (But be sure to get permission from the school before taking students off-site.)

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends and I went to a concert last Saturday night. While we were walking into the subway station, two of my friends stood next to the entrance and said they didn’t have metro cards. One of them said he didn’t have any money on him, and the other one refused to pay the $2.75 to get on the train. The rest of us swiped our metro cards and then watched our friends who refused to get metro cards hop the turnstile. Suddenly, two police officers rounded the corner and stopped all five of us. I stayed quiet the entire time and let my outgoing friends do all the talking. The next thing I know, all five of us were being handcuffed. I was so terrified that it prompted me to speak up and say that the situation was unfair. Why should all of us be held accountable for the actions of two people? Once I explained what happened the police, the three of us who paid for metro cards were let go.

Now I’m being looked at as a traitor and a tattletale for bailing out only two of my friends. How can I make the other two guys, who ended up getting in trouble with the police, see that I had the right intentions? -- Good Guy, Bronx, New York

DEAR GOOD GUY: Stop trying to convince them of anything. Your friends knowingly chose to break the law. You were right to speak up for yourself. Let this incident show you that this may not be the best group of friends for you. If you do stay connected to them, make it clear that you like them but that you are not willing to lie for them or break the law with them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having trouble with one of my co-workers. She and I work together at a clothing store. I was assigned to show her the ropes since she is new, and I have been working here for a long time. At first, her work was OK, but recently she has become increasingly sloppy. She leaves her assignments half done and often wanders off to chitchat with other employees. Every time I try to explain the right way to do a task, she waves me off and doesn’t take my advice. She doesn’t seem to care about the quality of the work she does. I know that I should say something to our manager, but I also don’t want to be the reason she gets fired. What should I do? -- Concerned Co-Worker, Cleveland

DEAR CONCERNED CO-WORKER: Since you were assigned to support this employee, you have an obligation to keep your boss informed about how she’s doing. You can frame it in such a way that should not automatically lead to her firing.

Go to your supervisor and ask for advice on how to motivate this employee to stay focused. Describe what you like about her and what you think her strengths are. Point out the areas that you think aren’t serving her well. And then ask for suggestions for what you can do to help motivate her. This way you are not singularly pointing out her weaknesses. You are also asking for guidance on how to be a good manager yourself. This will show your supervisor that you see where you can grow in your efforts to motivate others. Hopefully this will help both of you without leading to her firing. But she has to step up in order to stay on staff.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)