DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends and I went to a concert last Saturday night. While we were walking into the subway station, two of my friends stood next to the entrance and said they didn’t have metro cards. One of them said he didn’t have any money on him, and the other one refused to pay the $2.75 to get on the train. The rest of us swiped our metro cards and then watched our friends who refused to get metro cards hop the turnstile. Suddenly, two police officers rounded the corner and stopped all five of us. I stayed quiet the entire time and let my outgoing friends do all the talking. The next thing I know, all five of us were being handcuffed. I was so terrified that it prompted me to speak up and say that the situation was unfair. Why should all of us be held accountable for the actions of two people? Once I explained what happened the police, the three of us who paid for metro cards were let go.

Now I’m being looked at as a traitor and a tattletale for bailing out only two of my friends. How can I make the other two guys, who ended up getting in trouble with the police, see that I had the right intentions? -- Good Guy, Bronx, New York

DEAR GOOD GUY: Stop trying to convince them of anything. Your friends knowingly chose to break the law. You were right to speak up for yourself. Let this incident show you that this may not be the best group of friends for you. If you do stay connected to them, make it clear that you like them but that you are not willing to lie for them or break the law with them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having trouble with one of my co-workers. She and I work together at a clothing store. I was assigned to show her the ropes since she is new, and I have been working here for a long time. At first, her work was OK, but recently she has become increasingly sloppy. She leaves her assignments half done and often wanders off to chitchat with other employees. Every time I try to explain the right way to do a task, she waves me off and doesn’t take my advice. She doesn’t seem to care about the quality of the work she does. I know that I should say something to our manager, but I also don’t want to be the reason she gets fired. What should I do? -- Concerned Co-Worker, Cleveland

DEAR CONCERNED CO-WORKER: Since you were assigned to support this employee, you have an obligation to keep your boss informed about how she’s doing. You can frame it in such a way that should not automatically lead to her firing.

Go to your supervisor and ask for advice on how to motivate this employee to stay focused. Describe what you like about her and what you think her strengths are. Point out the areas that you think aren’t serving her well. And then ask for suggestions for what you can do to help motivate her. This way you are not singularly pointing out her weaknesses. You are also asking for guidance on how to be a good manager yourself. This will show your supervisor that you see where you can grow in your efforts to motivate others. Hopefully this will help both of you without leading to her firing. But she has to step up in order to stay on staff.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents have always been supportive of my dreams and aspirations. I am a recent college graduate, and I’m trying to get my career started. It is going slower than I thought, but I’m working at it. Recently, my dad has been sharing the idea of purchasing a small resort or beach house that we could turn into a family business. He just bought some beachfront property that he believes could be lucrative. I think it sounds like a great idea, but it’s not something I'm interested in pursuing. My dad says this place will need full-time maintenance.

I have my own dreams I want to focus on, and working on a beach house isn't at the top of my list. How do I make it clear to my dad that the beach house isn't one of my dreams? -- On My Own, Eastern Shore, Maryland

DEAR ON MY OWN: It sounds like your dad is trying to figure out a way to support you with a ready-made idea for making money. It also sounds like you have other ideas for your life. This is a tough situation to be in, because what your dad probably thinks is helping you is creating unwelcome friction.

Rather than completely dismissing your dad’s idea, talk to him. Tell him that you do think he has a great idea, but that you can't think about it seriously as a choice for you right now. Describe what you are looking to do in your life and the steps you believe it will take to be successful. Ask him if he can support your choice to pursue your path. Also ask if he will be able to build this beach house, and if you may be able to support him with it later. Sometimes family businesses are passed down to the children, but you need to be willing to take over at some point if you make that promise now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a large family, and we don’t see each other often. My mother passed recently, and my brother, who lives overseas, came home for the funeral. My brother and I haven’t spoken in 20 years, and at the funeral we barely spoke. He was in the United States for only a day; there was no time to catch up and repair our relationship. We had a close relationship in the past, but now that we live in different countries, we’ve grown apart. I haven’t reached out and he hasn't either, but since my mother died, I want to become closer to my family. How can I repair the relationship with my brother? -- After Mom, Sausalito, California

DEAR AFTER MOM: Write your brother a letter expressing your desire to rekindle your relationship with him. Remind him of how close you were years ago. Apologize for not reaching out in the past. Now that your mom is gone, tell him you want to be closer to him and that you hope he will want the same. Suggest that you start by writing to each other and possibly using FaceTime or Skype to get to know each other as adults.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends and I have known each other since elementary school. We were very close when we were little, grew apart during middle school and are now closer than ever.

The reason we drifted apart was stupid middle school drama, which doesn’t affect either of us anymore, but my friend’s parents still hold a grudge against me. Every time I go over to their house, they are cold toward me compared to our other friends, and they often make jokes about how we grew apart. It has gotten to the point where I avoid going over to this friend’s house because of her parents. Should I talk about it with my friend and ask her why her parents still hold a grudge against me for something that happened so long ago? -- Judgmental Parents, Towson, Maryland

DEAR JUDGMENTAL PARENTS: Start with your friend. Ask her if she has noticed that her parents are particularly hard on you. Tell her you feel constantly judged by them and that you think it is based on the conflict the two of you had years ago. Enlist your friend to help you to change their view of you. You will likely need your friend’s direct support to get them to have a change of heart.

If you feel bold enough, you can say something directly to them. You can ask for permission to address them, and tell them that you have noticed that they seem to have an issue with you. Tell them that you and your friend have a strong bond and that you want them to welcome you. You can acknowledge that when you were kids you had a bumpy relationship, but it is in the past. Ask for them to welcome you back into the fold.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have three daughters, all very healthy and happy girls. My middle daughter has always been obsessed with how she looks, whether that’s her hair, skin or makeup. Over the past couple of months, she has become overly concerned with her weight. It has gotten to the point where I am worried about her. She looks thin, which can be a good thing when you can afford to lose some weight, but she did not need to lose any. Everyone keeps complimenting her on how great she looks, which I am afraid is just motivating her to lose more weight. I want to talk to her about it, but I don’t want to come off as attacking her appearance. -- Concerned About Daughter's Weight, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR CONCERNED ABOUT DAUGHTER’S WEIGHT: Don’t wait to talk to your daughter. You can compliment her on something that you believe is worthy of note, and then ask her about her eating habits. Tell her you have noticed that she has lost a lot of weight recently and that you are concerned that she is going too far. Ask her what she has changed. Try to get her to tell you what she eats every day. If you are worried that she may have an eating disorder, ask her directly -- though she may not tell you the truth. Depending on her responses, you may want to schedule a physical so that a medical professional can assess her health.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)