life

Reader Wants to Work Out Without Spending Too Much

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 21st, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always loved to work out. I recently moved to New York City, and I want to find a gym or studio to join. Everywhere I look, the gyms keep getting more expensive. I feel like there is nowhere in the city that has an affordable rate. My friend recommended just running or walking outside, but there are times when it is just too cold or it is raining and I would like to be inside. I am starting to wonder what all the other city dwellers do to stay in shape and not spend a fortune. Do you have any recommendations on whether I should make the investment into a gym membership? -- Runner Without a Gym, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR RUNNER WITHOUT A GYM: Having lived in New York City for most of my life, I can tell you that you are in luck. Essentially, you can find virtually anything at any price here -- with quality! As far as gyms go, you can find an affordable option. Gyms go for as little as $20 per month, possibly less.

To find a gym for you, first select your neighborhood of choice. Then, search online for affordable gyms in the vicinity. Next, comparison shop to see which gym best fits your personality and needs. You can do this!

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 21, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 21st, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a 10-year-old daughter who will be entering middle school next year. Her father and I have been discussing whether to get her a cellphone. She, of course, has brought this up to us a hundred times and will not stop begging for us to get one. Most of her friends already have phones, but I am a bit apprehensive about getting her one. My husband and I did not get cellphones until we were 15 or 16 years old; I know it was a different time, but 10 years old seems so young to have a cellphone. I read tons of stuff online about how technology is so bad for children’s brains and how you should try to delay giving your kids a phone as long as possible. Is it too early to be giving my daughter a cellphone? -- Cellphone Debate, New Orleans

DEAR CELL PHONE DEBATE: You cannot base your decision on what happened during your youth. Life is different today. Evaluate your daughter’s movements. When is she not in your presence or that of a guardian? How much could she truly need a phone? If there are times when she is without direct adult supervision during the day, a cellphone could be a good safety measure.

The pros of your child having a cellphone include that you can engage an app to track her whereabouts. Life360 is among the most popular. You can tell her that you are monitoring her whereabouts, which will create a bond of trust and keep her secure.

You can manage the cons, at least the most common -- that she could become “addicted” to apps or social media. There are cellphones designed for children that limit the user's access to the internet.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Daughter Wants to Talk to Dad About More Than Money

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 19th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to have a great relationship with my dad. Now, we barely speak. When we do speak, it is about money or something to do with my mother. (They have been divorced for several years now.) I am still in college, and my dad pays for part of my education. I am so sick and tired of that being all we talk about that I have decided not to answer my dad’s texts anymore. I’m not sure if this is the best or right decision because it can be seen as immature, but I don’t know what else to do. Do you think there is another way I could reconnect with my father without arguing about finances? -- Muted Daughter, Dallas

DEAR MUTED DAUGHTER: One way to get your father’s attention is to write him a sincere letter. Tell him that you try to understand his relationship with your mother, but that you don’t want to be in the middle of it. Acknowledge that you appreciate the fact that your father is helping to pay for your education. Make it clear that you understand that it is a sacrifice for him to take care of you. Yes, it is his duty as your father to support you, but that does not require paying for college. More, you want him to understand that you are grateful for whatever he does for you. Your gratitude may help to soften his communication.

In your letter, remind him of things you used to enjoy doing together or discussing. Tell him that you miss or desire a particular type of interaction that he will recall. Ask him to make the effort -- along with you -- to build a close bond as you grow up. Be kind in your note, not brittle. Your positive attitude may inspire him to step up.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 19, 2018

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 19th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have decided to travel to my college in a couple of weeks to attend an important fundraiser. I am super excited about it because the cause means a lot to me, and I get to spend time with my friends. I have been debating how I should get there. Last time I drove myself, but the drive got lonely. There is a bus, which I don’t mind, but there is always a chance of it breaking down. And then there is the option to fly, which is the quickest and easiest option, but is a little pricier. Do you have any recommendations or advice on which mode of transportation I should take? -- Weekend Traveler, Philadelphia

DEAR WEEKEND TRAVELER: Good for you for wanting to go to visit your school for a worthy cause. How do you figure out the best mode of transportation? Be practical. Drive only if you can find someone to ride with you. If you do find a passenger, be sure to get the person to agree to share the cost of gas and tolls. Buses don’t usually break down -- although it is possible. Compare the bus to the plane and examine your budget. If you can afford a plane, go for it. Otherwise, schedule your bus trip in enough time to accommodate for delays.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Should Baby Sitter Bring Up Autism Question?

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 17th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just started baby-sitting a new family in my neighborhood. The family has two boys, both under age 10. The first day I was there, I noticed that the younger boy seemed to be on the autistic disorder spectrum. I learned about some of the signs in my child psychopathology class in school and immediately associated them with the boy. I had a great time baby-sitting the kids, and I am looking forward to working with them again. The only thing that is bothering me is that the parents did not let me know this beforehand. Not that I would have a problem with babysitting a child with autism, but I think I would have appreciated it if the parents had told me that before.

Now I am wondering if the parents are aware of this at all. Do you think it is appropriate for me to bring up this topic with the parents? -- Worried Baby Sitter, Denver

DEAR WORRIED BABY SITTER: Tread lightly here. First, know that many families do not detect that their children are on the spectrum until late. Doctors say that it is best to detect and treat early so that you can help your child to learn to function at the highest level possible. According to the American Autism Association, these are some signs of autism: will not play “pretend” games, avoids eye contact, has delayed speech, has obsessive interests, avoids physical contact and demonstrates little safety or danger awareness. For more signs, go to: nationalautismassociation.org/resources/signs-of-autism/.

If you have noticed some of these signs, you should mention to one or both parents that you have concerns. Explain that you have been studying this in school and have noticed symptoms that made you question whether this child might need some support. Be careful not to use judgmental language. Be positive and empathetic. Do not push them if they are unwilling to consider your thoughts right now.

Etiquette & EthicsWork & SchoolHealth & SafetyMental HealthFamily & Parenting
life

Girlfriend Uncomfortable With Reader's Female Friends

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 17th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and I just got into a huge argument about something very stupid. I am in a different state, where I just started a new job. I don’t know very many people here, so when I was asked by a female co-worker to go to a basketball game with a group a people, I jumped at the opportunity. I told my girlfriend that I was invited and that the group was mostly women. She totally flipped out on me, and said it was rude of me to be going to an event with mainly women.

I do not know how to handle this because I thought she would see that I want to try and make new friends here, and if it happens to be by going to a basketball game with female co-workers, then why does it come off as rude? -- Am I In the Wrong?, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR AM I IN THE WRONG?: Dating long-distance is often difficult. What is required is that you trust each other to make smart decisions. This includes who you spend time with. Going to a game with a group of female co-workers should not be an issue, in theory. To quiet this storm, apologize for being insensitive -- in her mind. Assure her that your co-workers are nice and not trying to make a move on you. Ask your girlfriend to trust you. Keep talking about your lives and choices. Time will tell if you can manage the distance.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Work & SchoolSex & GenderEtiquette & EthicsLove & Dating

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