DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a set of 12-year-old twin daughters. They are both sweet, smart, funny girls, but they are different in a lot of ways. One of them is confident and social and speaks her mind constantly. She is also considerate of other people’s feelings while maintaining her leadership skills. My other daughter is not so outgoing. She is shy, spends a lot of time by herself and is more of a follower. She has an amazing attention to detail and is very dependable when I need her for something. I try to accentuate my daughters' differences but also treat them the same.

As they are approaching high school soon, I would like my daughter who is shy to become more social. How do I get her to come out of her shell without pushing her too far? -- Mother of Twins, Minneapolis

DEAR MOTHER OF TWINS: Start by accepting your daughters for who they are -- as they are. Your introverted daughter may remain quiet and somewhat withdrawn. That is OK for her. Do not push her. Instead, learn what her interests are, and point her in those directions. If she is into music, encourage her to play an instrument or take singing lessons. If she likes a sport, suggest that she join a team. Whatever she fancies, you should encourage. Chances are, she will blossom naturally when she is in an environment that feels safe and stimulating to her.

As far as your outgoing daughter, pay attention to her as well. Check to see if she is making smart choices in terms of friends and social activities. Often, the gregarious ones intersect with others who do not always share your family's values or views. Be sure that both daughters learn how to be true to themselves.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My partner and I have recently decided that we want to move. We are so excited about this new chapter in our lives.

One thing that has come up quite frequently in our discussion is where we will send our children to school. We have found a great county just outside of New York City that has two towns we love. The first town is my favorite and has the best school district, but not a great house selection. The other town has a house we both absolutely love, but the school district is not great.

I have been going back and forth with my partner, discussing the importance of education and home life, and which of those has a higher ranking when it comes to the outcome of children. Do you have any opinion or insight on this? -- Weighing My Family’s Options, Westchester, New York

DEAR WEIGHING MY FAMILY’S OPTIONS: Put education first. Many families move specifically so that their children can have access to quality education. Some even rent homes in good school districts and move after the children have completed high school. Others buy and then sell and upgrade to a better home after the children are gone.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a mother of two boys; my youngest is 8 years old, and the older one is 13. I have noticed that my middle-school-age son has been coming home from baseball practice very upset the past couple of months. My husband and I approached him about the situation and learned he has been getting bullied by the team. He is in seventh grade, and I am not quite sure how to handle this situation. I don’t know how involved I should get, or what is appropriate to say to the coach. I don’t want to embarrass him, but I also don’t want my son to feel the way he has been feeling lately. -- Intervening Mother, Denver

DEAR INTERVENING MOTHER: This is a tricky age for children. On one hand, they are learning to be more independent and discovering how to fend for themselves. On the other, they remain vulnerable to their peers' bad behavior and don’t always have the tools to take care of themselves through challenging situations.

Before intervening at the school, try coaching your son. Get him to open up to you even more so that you can learn exactly what the other students are doing and saying to him and how he is responding. If possible, suggest actions that he can take to stand up for himself without putting him in harm’s way.

Should none of those measures work, tell him that you plan to speak to his baseball coach. (You want to avoid any surprises.) Then request a private meeting where you outline what you have observed about your son’s mood as well as the reports he has shared with you about the other students. Ask for the coach’s help in rectifying this situation. Make it clear that you do not want your involvement to cause your son embarrassment, but you need him to feel safe.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a school counselor who works hard to earn money. I save as much as I can, and I have enough money to buy my first car. I think this is a big milestone in my life, and I am feeling excited and nervous at the same time. Do you have any recommendations for how someone should go about choosing the right car? A new car is a huge investment, and I want to make sure I am going about this the right way. -- New Car Owner, Norfolk, Virginia

DEAR NEW CAR OWNER: First of all, know that you can buy a good car without having to buy a brand-new car. Used cars are much less expensive and can be perfect, especially for a first car. Just make sure you have it thoroughly checked out so that you don’t have surprises down the line. You can also consider going to government auctions for cars. At different times of the year, most cities auction off cars that have been impounded or otherwise abandoned. Often, you can find incredible deals for cars in excellent condition. Get creative. Look online for bargains. You can buy a car and be frugal at the same time!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I never thought I would be diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder, or any other psychological issues. I was speaking with my psychiatrist the other week, and we were talking about some of the bizarre thoughts I have and the even weirder behaviors that follow those thoughts. We reached the conclusion that I have mild OCD when it comes to having bad thoughts that something might happen to my family, and if I did not knock on my head, those things would come true. I have been living my life completely normally, knocking on my head, and not thinking anything of it. My doctor thinks it’s something I should look into, but I think if my ritualistic behavior does not affect anyone but me, why go get it fixed? I have gotten many mixed opinions about what I should do, and was wondering what your advice might be. -- Knock Knock Knock, Little Rock, Arkansas

DEAR KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK: I want to start by pointing out that you acknowledge that you have a psychiatrist, which suggests that you felt the need to seek professional support. You should take that support seriously and follow whatever regimen you are given for an agreed-upon finite period of time to see if it helps you to lose some of your concerning behavior. You are describing your thoughts and behavior as “bizarre” and “weird.” Why not find out if those “bizarre” and “weird” things go away with treatment?

By the way, you should consider yourself to be the most important person in this scenario. Imagine how relieved you can be if the thoughts and actions no longer bother you because they dissipate?

To learn more about OCD, visit: mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20354432.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been nannying for the same family for about three years now. I love the kids, and I genuinely enjoy working with them. Recently, I have been feeling a little used. The parents have asked me to go on errands such as doing their grocery shopping, or picking things up at the pet store. I don’t mind doing these things, but my friends have been telling me that it’s unusual. They say I should be getting paid way more than I already do for doing extra things. I had never thought much about this until they brought it up to me. I am pretty comfortable with my pay, but I see my friends’ point that I should be paid a little more for the extra work that I do. How do I bring this up to my employer in a non-awkward way and in a way that doesn’t make me seem too bratty? -- Nanny Who Needs a Pay Raise, Denver

DEAR NANNY WHO NEEDS A PAY RAISE: Tread carefully here. Since you have no issue with the requests of your employer, you do not have to make it an issue. Instead of immediately asking for more money, pay attention to what you are asked to do and how you spend your time when in their employ. At the natural end of an employment cycle -- or if you begin to feel overwhelmed by the extra work -- bring it up to your employer, explaining that the extra work that they have given you, beyond caring for their children, feels like a lot and you would appreciate being compensated for it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)