DEAR HARRIETTE: I have three children, ages 6, 11 and 18. My two youngest kids are with my current husband, and my oldest is from a previous marriage.

I am having some trouble with my eldest son. He always seems to be in a bad mood and unwilling to spend time with our family. I know he is at that age where he only wants to be with his friends, and I usually give him a lot of space to be independent, but I would like him to want to spend more time with our family.

I have tried talking with him about this, but every time I bring it up, he completely shuts me down and ignores me for a couple of days. Please let me know if you have any advice on how I can approach my son about spending more time with our family. -- Sad Mama, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR SAD MAMA: Your eldest is at the age when he should be almost leaving the nest. While he is living at home, you can still make house rules. First, tell him how important it is to you that he participate in family activities, at least a little bit. Acknowledge that you know he prefers to spend time with his friends. Point out that, for you, family is first and that you want him to make family a priority among his other interests. If he still resists, give him an ultimatum. If he wants to keep living in your house, you expect him to participate in family activities. Only go there as a last resort, though. The goal is to get him to want to be connected, at least a little bit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 22-year-old guy, and my girlfriend is 20. I am about to graduate from college, and my girlfriend works in our hometown. I love her and can see myself spending the rest of my life with her, but I am worried that we are rushing our relationship. She leaves me not-so-subtle hints about marriage. The other day she came home with a T-shirt with the word fiancee on it and hinted to me that we will be getting married soon. How do I talk to her about slowing down our relationship without making it seem like I am unhappy? -- Not Ready for Marriage, Sausalito, California

DEAR NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE: Get ready for one of many heart-to-heart discussions with your girlfriend. Invite her to sit down and talk to you. Ask her why she got the T-shirt saying fiancee, given that you two are not engaged. Tell her that you love her and believe you have a future, but you are not ready to take the next step. Be prepared to tell her why. If it’s because you haven’t figured out yet how to earn a living or how you plan to grow into adulthood, tell her.

This could be a turning point in your relationship, depending on how the conversation unfolds. Be prepared to stay open and honest -- and true to your path.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am up for a new job that would be an amazing opportunity for me and my family. I just learned that if I make it to the final round, the company will want to check my credit report. In terms of work, I have excellent skills. In terms of money, I am a disaster.

I got divorced a few years ago, and my ex doesn’t pay for any of the bills he agreed to pay. That includes my son’s college education, the mortgage that we both share or any of our shared credit card debt. I can’t swing it by myself. I have taken him to court, but he still doesn’t pay. I am afraid that I won’t get the job when they see the wreck of my credit. Do you think I should tell them why it is like that and that I am working hard to pay off my debt? -- Bad Credit, Pittsburgh

DEAR BAD CREDIT: You should prepare a clear, honest and transparent statement to tell your potential employer. When they ask to review your credit, let them know that your credit is suffering right now and why. By getting in front of it, you give context to whatever the number is. You will need to demonstrate a commitment to mending your credit. You may have to explain your plan to them. If they like you enough, they may forgive you based on the circumstances.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage children are out of control with their cellphones. I feel like they are attached to them from the moment they wake up -- around 6 a.m. -- until the moment they go to bed. I hardly see their eyes because their heads are looking down into that little screen. I want to set some boundaries for cellphone usage. I know they don’t want to hear this, but I don’t want to go along with this new trend. -- Out of Bounds, Atlanta

DEAR OUT OF BOUNDS: The constant use of cellphones has reached epidemic proportions these days, so much so that lawsuits have cropped up against tech companies. "We want our lives and families back" is a rallying cry.

Of course you can set limits, even though your children will be angry. Keep a basket at the front door. When your children arrive home, have them put their phones in the basket. Phones can stay there until all homework is finished. If they have chores, those must be completed before getting the phones back. Give them a short window for using their phones in the evening, but do not allow them to keep the phones in their bedrooms. Do not allow any phones at dinner. Have all chargers in a common area, like the kitchen. If they sneak and use their phones at night, move the chargers to your bedroom, where you can oversee them.

An exception may be when they have to study with friends. Be aware that computers can turn into phones, so monitor their computer use as well.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have grown up with international parents. My mother is Scottish, and my father is Australian. They both grew up overseas, and their first time living in the United States was when we moved here in 2002. Growing up in New York with parents who were not American allowed me to learn so much about different cultures. There were also amazing perks, such as traveling to visit family in the United Kingdom and Australia during the holidays.

Although this was amazing growing up, there were also things that my parents didn’t understand, such as the American college system. I struggled explaining to them small things such as the application process and sororities, and I also find it hard to meet their high expectations of what I should be doing with my life. How do you suggest I talk to them about the fact that there is a difference between growing up in the U.S and other places? -- Between Two Worlds, New Orleans

DEAR BETWEEN TWO WORLDS: Your parents know that the experiences they provided for you early on are unique to your family, but you may want to remind them as you also tell them that now you are creating your own experiences. Because you have chosen to go to school in America and have been learning the culture for many years now, you feel more American than not. Tell them that you know your duty is to be an excellent student, and you also have the responsibility of figuring out how to live your life. As you are growing and developing, you have to learn how to navigate in the world on your own. Tell them how much you appreciate all that they have done and are continuing to do for you. Ask them to allow you the space to figure some things out on your own as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college senior who is living in a four-bedroom apartment with three other girls. I love my roommates because they are some of my best friends, but I am currently having some issues that I didn’t think would arise.

I am a science major, meaning I have tons of work every night. My roommates, on the other hand, do not have as much work and are constantly wanting to go out to party, or watch a movie in the living room. They can sometimes get very loud and distracting. I am thankful I have my own room, but I would like to be able to feel like it is my apartment as well as theirs. -- The Studying Student, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR THE STUDYING STUDENT: It is time to create ground rules for the whole apartment. Meet with your roommates and agree to terms that work for everyone -- including you. This might mean turning down the TV or even turning it off after a certain time or conducting conversations in their rooms after a particular hour.

You may also need to study in the library at school more often where it is quiet and you can control your environment better.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)