DEAR HARRIETTE: I was 16 years old when my parents got a divorce. I am now almost 22, and I still feel the tension between them. For years, they have never been able to be in the same room; they communicate only through their lawyers. If I need to speak to both of them, I do it through email; I often act as their messenger.

For my college graduation, I want both of them there, but I do not know if this is a good idea. My friends have been planning dinners with their parents for the night of graduation. Should I invite both parents to my graduation and be stressed, or invite one of them and have the other parent be offended? -- Conflicted Daughter, Denver

DEAR CONFLICTED DAUGHTER: Start by speaking to each of them individually and telling them your desire to have them both at your graduation if they can be civil -- or even kind -- to each other. Ask them if they would be willing to show up for you in a positive way. Tell them what your friends’ parents are doing for them, and ask if they would be willing to do something similar for you. Listen to each of them to get a sense of how amenable they are to the idea.

If you sense that it will not work, tell them your worries. State that if they don’t think they can manage well together on that day, you would prefer that they not come. Then decide which parent you want to have there and ask that one to be a part of your graduation celebration. You can let the other parent know that you extended this invitation so that there are no secrets. If they have hurt feelings, it is because of their inability to let go of their issues and show up for you. You are not responsible for their behavior.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I grew up being very close to my siblings. I have an older sister and a younger brother. As my siblings and I got older, we wanted different things, which meant both my sister and brother moved to Japan. My sister is pursuing her dream of being a nurse and attending medical school in Japan. My younger brother is enjoying working at a local restaurant. I am in New York completing my undergraduate degree.

Do you have any recommendations for how my siblings and I can maintain our closeness even though we are on opposite sides of the world? -- Lonely Sibling, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR LONELY SIBLING: Make technology your best friend! Through FaceTime, texting and free international phone calls, you should be able to see each other and communicate regularly. You just have to choose to do so! You will need to figure out times of day to talk, because the time zones are very different.

Though it is expensive to travel so far, you all should save your money so that you can see each other in person occasionally. Because there’s one of you, it will be more affordable for you to get on a plane. Perhaps you can all chip in for your airline ticket.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just moved to New York City and into my own apartment -- well, sort of my own apartment. I share a two-bedroom apartment in the East Village with my best friend from high school and her boyfriend. When I agreed to the idea, I was primarily thinking about my finances and how this was the best move for me. What I did not take into consideration was our personalities mixing while we lived together.

One month in, I have realized that my friend and her boyfriend fight more than they don’t fight. They have screaming matches at 11 p.m. when I am trying to fall asleep. I have previously tried telling them to quiet down, but it happens almost every night.

How do I deal with this? I don’t know how I can approach the two of them, because it is their apartment as much as it is mine. -- Sleepless Roommate, Manhattan, New York

DEAR SLEEPLESS ROOMMATE: Sharing an apartment with a couple is typically challenging, even when the two of them get along well. What you are facing sounds harrowing. The only way you will have a chance of getting them to notice their behavior and consider curbing the fights is by talking to them. Schedule a meeting where you agree -- all of you -- to talk about your living arrangements. Start with something positive. If they are tidy, complement them on that and thank them. Anything else that works should be mentioned. Then express your concerns about their constant arguing. Acknowledge that you understand that couples may have disagreements from time to time, but they argue constantly. Tell them that you cannot sleep, and this behavior is disturbing. Ask them to pay attention so they notice how frequently they fight. Beg them to stop. Ultimately, you may need to move.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I baby-sit almost every weekend, and a lot during the week. My "regulars" -- the families I see every week -- have started giving my number out to other families. In addition to that, a lot of my father’s friends ask him if I am available to watch their kids.

One night, I was watching my dad’s friends’ children. There were two boys, ages 6 and 8. The boys were extremely misbehaved, and it was one of the worst baby-sitting experiences I’ve ever had. When the parents came home, they asked me how their children were, and I said they were fine, like I was on autopilot. My question is, do you tell the parents of the kids you are baby-sitting that the boys were bad? Do you think this will lessen my chances of being asked back? Also, does it matter that these are my father’s friends? -- ”The Kids Were Fine” Baby Sitter, Stamford, Connecticut

DEAR “THE KIDS WERE FINE” BABY SITTER: It is important for you to give these parents honest feedback about their children’s behavior. It could be that the boys were testing you, which the parents should know. It could be that this is normal -- which you should know so that you don’t go back to them. Call the parents and tell them that you have some information you feel you should share about your time with their children. Then stick to the facts. Do not get emotional. Be descriptive so they know what happened. Do not involve your father. This is your job.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need some advice about religion and love. I am Catholic, but I do not practice many Catholic traditions. I would not consider religion to be a big part of my identity, but still enjoy partaking in some traditions such as Christmas and Easter. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is Jewish. He would also not consider his religion to be a big part of his identity, but that is not the case for his mother.

My boyfriend's mother is an Orthodox Jewish woman who keeps kosher and follows all the Jewish traditions and rules. She tries to motivate my boyfriend to keep kosher and things like that, but he simply has no interest. I respect his mother’s values as well as my boyfriend’s, but when it comes to discussing marriage with him, he says marrying a Jewish woman is important. I don’t see why this is an important factor in a potential wife when he doesn’t care about it now.

Do you have any insight on why that is, or if I could discuss it further with my boyfriend without starting any drama? -- Not-Kosher Girlfriend, Commack, New York

DEAR NOT-KOSHER GIRLFRIEND: This is an important topic that you should sort out if you think there’s a chance you want to marry this man. In the Jewish tradition, when someone wants to marry a person of a different faith, it is common that the spouse converts to Judaism. For some families, this is acceptable.

I did a bit of research on this topic, and I can tell you that it is rare for a religious Jewish family to agree to an interfaith marriage. That said, many interfaith couples have successfully built lives together. It can mean that they suffer a loss of closeness with one or both families, though. Talk this through together and talk to your parents, all of them, to get a sense of whether you will be strong enough to marry.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student who has been constantly searching for an internship. I have used my university’s career service center and searched sites like indeed.com and other search engines, but nothing seems to catch my eye. I am open to different types of internship experiences, but was wondering if there are any ways you would recommend a college student go about finding the type of internship they are looking for. -- The Lost Intern, Boston

DEAR THE LOST INTERN: Start by evaluating what interests you. You can select more than one idea if you are unsure, but you do need to have strong opinions about whatever you choose. You must sell yourself to a potential intern coordinator, demonstrating why you should be selected to work with them. This includes being articulate about how you can help them do their work as well as what you would like to learn from them.

When you look at intern listings, look for businesses that do things that interest you. You can also ask your neighbors, your parents’ friends and other adults or local businesses that you like if they have internship opportunities. Many students design their own internships. Give yourself a deadline to apply, and get busy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)