DEAR HARRIETTE: I haven’t dated for several years. I just haven’t met anybody who was interesting enough. My friend at work suggested that I meet one of her friends, so I went out with the guy, my friend and her boyfriend. We had a nice time, though nothing too special. The guy invited me to go out to dinner again, and I went. We had fun, but at the end of the meal, he propositioned me. He actually thought I would have sex with him since he had taken me to dinner. What’s wrong with people? Is this what’s required in the dating world these days? -- Old School, Dallas

DEAR OLD SCHOOL: As you re-enter the dating world, you do not have to change your values. You may continue to be propositioned by potential partners, as plenty of people do engage in sexual intimacy very early on in a relationship. But you can say no.

If you like a person who makes an advance too early, you should talk about it. State your case, including when you think intimacy is appropriate. By being clear, you create space for the way that a relationship can blossom -- or not. Admit to being "old school," and explain that you want to get to know someone and see if the two of you make a good team before considering anything more.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the holidays, I saw a man I knew as a child. He is in his late 20s, and I hardly recognized him. He has blown up like crazy. I mean, he’s at least 40 pounds overweight. I’m sure he knows it; how could he not? Still, should I ask him about his health? We have never been close. I knew him from my family's church, but I hadn't seen him for a long time.

I don’t mean to be a busybody, but I am worried about him. This young man is headed for a health crisis if he doesn’t make some changes. -- None of My Business, Syracuse, New York

DEAR NONE OF MY BUSINESS: It can be jarring to see someone after a long period of time and to notice a dramatic change, especially a weight gain. Yet this is also fairly common. Talk to anyone who has gone to a high school or college reunion. In fact, many people diet right before going to these types of events so that they can look their best.

If you were closer to this young man, I could see space for you to talk to him about his health. Given the fact that you were never close, it would be awkward and inappropriate for you to step in and ask him about his weight gain. Instead, keep your mouth closed. You can greet the young man and ask him about his life. As is common when fellow parishioners reconnect, inquire about his life, his work or education. Get a sense of who he is becoming. Be encouraging. But do not address the topic of his weight.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who totally believes that if you make a wish on New Year’s Day, your whole life can change. I do not believe in fairy tales. I believe in honest hard work and commitment. Meanwhile, my friend goes on and on about how she made this wish and all the great things that are about to happen for her as a result. She claims that she did the same thing last year, and she ended up getting a great new job. This year, she has a new wish, and she can’t wait to see it come true. Am I wrong to believe in working for what you want? -- No Fairy Tales, Atlanta

DEAR NO FAIRY TALES: Your friend’s approach is hopeful. She has set an intention and is focused on making that happen. While her way of describing her goal sounds magical, I bet what she is doing is being clear about what she wants, having faith that it will happen and working toward that goal.

A spiritual lesson I have been taught is that success is like a two-winged bird. It requires self-effort and grace. Your friend is calling it a “wish.” It also sounds like a prayer.

Of course hard work is required to achieve a goal. Claiming what you want and need and staying focused on attaining it while asking for the grace to get there is a recipe I follow to attain my desires.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was cleaning my son’s room, and I found a stash of weed under his mattress. I am so mad. I have talked to him about drugs many times. I am no prude, but I know that my 16-year-old son has no business smoking marijuana. He has not been doing well in school, and he spends way too much time hanging out with his friends who don’t seem to have any goals. I believe that some people can smoke weed and manage their lives; my son cannot. How can I get him to know this is a bad idea? -- On the Brink, Washington, D.C.

DEAR ON THE BRINK: Talk to your son about his goals and dreams. Ask him what he wants to do with his life. Encourage him to talk about what his life might look like when he graduates from high school. Does he want to go to college? What type of work does he want to do? Do your best to get him to talk about his vision. This positive approach may help to open the conversation about the obstacles in his way.

Once he has opened up about his future, ask him what may be impeding his realizing those dreams. If he doesn’t bring it up, point out that smoking weed can be distracting. Tell him you think that he smokes too much and that it is affecting his school work. Suggest that he reconsider how he spends his free time. Smoking weed is known to slow people down. Ask him what is more important: his habit or his future. Keep reminding him of his dreams. Work to guide him in that direction.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I received gift cards from my family for Christmas. That was perfect, because now that I am a young adult, my taste is different from that of my mother or other family members. For years, I would either just stuff the clothing in my bottom drawer or ask if I could take it back. I know that probably hurt people's feelings sometimes, but I can’t help it if we don’t like the same things.

I appreciate that my family finally gave me something that I can use. Should I show them what I buy with the money they gave me, or is saying thank you enough? -- Best Gift Ever, Norfolk, Virginia

DEAR BEST GIFT EVER: Start by thanking your family members -- from your mother on down -- for the gift cards. Tell them how much you appreciate the fact that they realize that the best gift is to let you buy what you want. Ask your mother if she would like to see what you bought with the money or gift cards. If it would interest her, show her. Otherwise, just say thank you and let that be enough.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that my mother is going blind. She has macular degeneration. She says she cannot read well and generally she sees fuzzy. I am so scared for her. She lives by herself and has been independent forever. I have invited her to come and live with me and my family, but she said no. I am afraid for her to live by herself much longer, and we cannot afford to hire full-time care.

This is such a big shift. She stopped driving only last year, because we -- her children -- begged her to stop. Believe it or not, her doctor didn’t even require that she stop, even though he knew she had this condition. How can I help my mother? -- Going Blind, New Orleans

DEAR GOING BLIND: It may be a relief to you to know that macular degeneration does not necessarily lead to complete blindness, even though it does lead to significant loss of vision. Indeed, in the early stages of the disease, many people continue to drive during the day without incident. Talk to your mother’s doctor about her condition so that you can be clear about what she is facing. Ask for suggestions for how she can care for herself. Ask for the signs that she may no longer be able to live alone. When that time comes, you will have to address it with her and figure out how her Social Security and your support will be able to take care of her.

For more information about living with macular degeneration, go to macularhope.org/about-md/coping-skills/.

If she is willing, you can also have her learn how to live as a blind or partially blind person. There are many resources available to support her, including the American Foundation for the Blind. Visit afb.org/info/living-with-vision-loss/2 to get started.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)