life

Recipient Wants to Show Appreciation for Gift Cards

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 16th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I received gift cards from my family for Christmas. That was perfect, because now that I am a young adult, my taste is different from that of my mother or other family members. For years, I would either just stuff the clothing in my bottom drawer or ask if I could take it back. I know that probably hurt people's feelings sometimes, but I can’t help it if we don’t like the same things.

I appreciate that my family finally gave me something that I can use. Should I show them what I buy with the money they gave me, or is saying thank you enough? -- Best Gift Ever, Norfolk, Virginia

DEAR BEST GIFT EVER: Start by thanking your family members -- from your mother on down -- for the gift cards. Tell them how much you appreciate the fact that they realize that the best gift is to let you buy what you want. Ask your mother if she would like to see what you bought with the money or gift cards. If it would interest her, show her. Otherwise, just say thank you and let that be enough.

Family & ParentingHolidays & CelebrationsMoney
life

Reader Wants to Help Mother Who's Going Blind

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 16th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that my mother is going blind. She has macular degeneration. She says she cannot read well and generally she sees fuzzy. I am so scared for her. She lives by herself and has been independent forever. I have invited her to come and live with me and my family, but she said no. I am afraid for her to live by herself much longer, and we cannot afford to hire full-time care.

This is such a big shift. She stopped driving only last year, because we -- her children -- begged her to stop. Believe it or not, her doctor didn’t even require that she stop, even though he knew she had this condition. How can I help my mother? -- Going Blind, New Orleans

DEAR GOING BLIND: It may be a relief to you to know that macular degeneration does not necessarily lead to complete blindness, even though it does lead to significant loss of vision. Indeed, in the early stages of the disease, many people continue to drive during the day without incident. Talk to your mother’s doctor about her condition so that you can be clear about what she is facing. Ask for suggestions for how she can care for herself. Ask for the signs that she may no longer be able to live alone. When that time comes, you will have to address it with her and figure out how her Social Security and your support will be able to take care of her.

For more information about living with macular degeneration, go to macularhope.org/about-md/coping-skills/.

If she is willing, you can also have her learn how to live as a blind or partially blind person. There are many resources available to support her, including the American Foundation for the Blind. Visit afb.org/info/living-with-vision-loss/2 to get started.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Family & ParentingHealth & Safety
life

Freelance Writer Needs to Turn Off the TV

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 15th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I subscribe to a few different streaming services, including Roku, Netflix and Apple TV. It’s great because I don’t have regular cable anymore, which saves me money. But I can’t stop watching TV. I am a freelance writer, and I work from home. Business has been kind of slow the past few months, which is why I ended up even having time to watch TV in the first place. But I have started binge watching different shows, and I find myself watching TV more than doing my work. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I can’t seem to turn it off. How can I get this under control? -- TV Addict, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR TV ADDICT: You are not alone in the binge-watching arena. Indeed, media companies have figured out how to present television series so that people will watch them endlessly, always wanting more. That said, you absolutely do not have to succumb to this behavior, nor can you afford to do so.

Make a schedule each day. Prioritize your work. Break it down to include time when you will pitch new ideas to your freelance clients, time to write, time to research, etc. Frame out each hour so that you are clear about your responsibilities. Add your personal duties to your to-do list as well. Only after you have completed your work should you give yourself time to watch your favorite shows. The good news is that you can watch these programs on demand. Be grateful for that option, and organize your schedule accordingly. Do not turn the TV on until you are in the time slot you have allowed yourself to watch TV. Set an alarm for when the time is up, so that you will promptly turn off the TV.

AddictionMoney
life

Reader Feels Betrayed by Best Friend and Ex

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 15th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was home for Christmas, I learned that my best friend from high school is engaged to my high school boyfriend. Given that we are all in our 20s now, I guess the fact that it bothers me sounds silly. I left my hometown when I went to college, but I go back all the time. I can’t expect anything of these people, I guess, but I feel betrayed. Of all the people to get together, why did my two besties have to do it?

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up a long time ago, but I realize I never stopped having feelings for him. I know I should be happy for them, but I don’t know how I am going to be able to stay close to them if they get married. I don’t know what to do. How should I handle this? -- Still in Love, Rochester, New York

DEAR STILL IN LOVE: Unless you plan to make a play for your ex, you need to calm down and get yourself together. You lost your chance at romance with him after you moved away and the two of you did not stay together. Of course it hurts right now. But it would be wise for you to congratulate them, truly find joy for their union and cultivate a bond with them that honors their new station in life. This is not the time for true confessions.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Friends & NeighborsEtiquette & EthicsLove & Dating
life

Social Worker Wears Fur Coat to Stay Warm

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 13th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a social worker, and I work in a poor neighborhood in my city. I don’t have any problem with that. I love my work and get along well with my co-workers as well as the folks in the housing projects where I work. Some of these people have been my clients for several years. We know each other pretty well, and they trust me.

The other day, I wore a fur coat to work because it was really cold. Other women have worn fur coats to work before, but somehow I seemed to stand out because a co-worker told me I was being insensitive and flaunting my possessions in front of poor people. I was surprised; even though my clients typically are poor, a lot of these women have furs. Am I wrong to wear my fur coat on this job? -- Keeping Warm, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR KEEPING WARM: Your wearing a fur coat to work is very different from your clients wearing fur coats. Your co-worker was right to point out that it could seem insensitive for you to wear a fur coat when you visit your clients. You may want to reserve your fur for your personal time.

It is smart for you to dress professionally so that whenever your clients see you, they know you are there for business. This can help to draw the line between you without creating distinctions based on budget. But yes, I would leave the fur at home. Err on the side of conservatism and less flash. Don’t make a big deal of it, either. Just stop wearing the coat to work.

Etiquette & EthicsWork & School
life

Reader Needs Own Time at the Gym

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 13th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I go to the gym with a girlfriend almost every day. It’s good because it keeps me motivated. The downside is that my friend is much fitter than I am. She can run rings around me in the gym. She doesn’t do anything intentionally to show me up, but she’s just stronger and fitter. I want to keep going with her, but I need to remind her that we are at different levels. She wants us to go in on a trainer together, but I don’t think I should train with her. I need to work at my own level, not try to reach hers. I don’t want to offend her, but I don’t want to do that with her. What should I say? -- Need Personal Training, Atlanta

DEAR NEED PERSONAL TRAINING: Be upfront with your friend. She has to know that she is fitter than you. Just tell her that you think what is best for you is individualized coaching that is designed to support your level of fitness. You can thank her for going with you to the gym, as it is keeping you engaged. But make it clear that you need to draw the line regarding training. Honestly, it will be better for her to have individual training for herself as well.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Health & SafetyFriends & Neighbors

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