life

Freelance Writer Needs to Turn Off the TV

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 15th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I subscribe to a few different streaming services, including Roku, Netflix and Apple TV. It’s great because I don’t have regular cable anymore, which saves me money. But I can’t stop watching TV. I am a freelance writer, and I work from home. Business has been kind of slow the past few months, which is why I ended up even having time to watch TV in the first place. But I have started binge watching different shows, and I find myself watching TV more than doing my work. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I can’t seem to turn it off. How can I get this under control? -- TV Addict, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR TV ADDICT: You are not alone in the binge-watching arena. Indeed, media companies have figured out how to present television series so that people will watch them endlessly, always wanting more. That said, you absolutely do not have to succumb to this behavior, nor can you afford to do so.

Make a schedule each day. Prioritize your work. Break it down to include time when you will pitch new ideas to your freelance clients, time to write, time to research, etc. Frame out each hour so that you are clear about your responsibilities. Add your personal duties to your to-do list as well. Only after you have completed your work should you give yourself time to watch your favorite shows. The good news is that you can watch these programs on demand. Be grateful for that option, and organize your schedule accordingly. Do not turn the TV on until you are in the time slot you have allowed yourself to watch TV. Set an alarm for when the time is up, so that you will promptly turn off the TV.

MoneyAddiction
life

Reader Feels Betrayed by Best Friend and Ex

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 15th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was home for Christmas, I learned that my best friend from high school is engaged to my high school boyfriend. Given that we are all in our 20s now, I guess the fact that it bothers me sounds silly. I left my hometown when I went to college, but I go back all the time. I can’t expect anything of these people, I guess, but I feel betrayed. Of all the people to get together, why did my two besties have to do it?

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up a long time ago, but I realize I never stopped having feelings for him. I know I should be happy for them, but I don’t know how I am going to be able to stay close to them if they get married. I don’t know what to do. How should I handle this? -- Still in Love, Rochester, New York

DEAR STILL IN LOVE: Unless you plan to make a play for your ex, you need to calm down and get yourself together. You lost your chance at romance with him after you moved away and the two of you did not stay together. Of course it hurts right now. But it would be wise for you to congratulate them, truly find joy for their union and cultivate a bond with them that honors their new station in life. This is not the time for true confessions.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & NeighborsLove & Dating
life

Social Worker Wears Fur Coat to Stay Warm

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 13th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a social worker, and I work in a poor neighborhood in my city. I don’t have any problem with that. I love my work and get along well with my co-workers as well as the folks in the housing projects where I work. Some of these people have been my clients for several years. We know each other pretty well, and they trust me.

The other day, I wore a fur coat to work because it was really cold. Other women have worn fur coats to work before, but somehow I seemed to stand out because a co-worker told me I was being insensitive and flaunting my possessions in front of poor people. I was surprised; even though my clients typically are poor, a lot of these women have furs. Am I wrong to wear my fur coat on this job? -- Keeping Warm, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR KEEPING WARM: Your wearing a fur coat to work is very different from your clients wearing fur coats. Your co-worker was right to point out that it could seem insensitive for you to wear a fur coat when you visit your clients. You may want to reserve your fur for your personal time.

It is smart for you to dress professionally so that whenever your clients see you, they know you are there for business. This can help to draw the line between you without creating distinctions based on budget. But yes, I would leave the fur at home. Err on the side of conservatism and less flash. Don’t make a big deal of it, either. Just stop wearing the coat to work.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Reader Needs Own Time at the Gym

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 13th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I go to the gym with a girlfriend almost every day. It’s good because it keeps me motivated. The downside is that my friend is much fitter than I am. She can run rings around me in the gym. She doesn’t do anything intentionally to show me up, but she’s just stronger and fitter. I want to keep going with her, but I need to remind her that we are at different levels. She wants us to go in on a trainer together, but I don’t think I should train with her. I need to work at my own level, not try to reach hers. I don’t want to offend her, but I don’t want to do that with her. What should I say? -- Need Personal Training, Atlanta

DEAR NEED PERSONAL TRAINING: Be upfront with your friend. She has to know that she is fitter than you. Just tell her that you think what is best for you is individualized coaching that is designed to support your level of fitness. You can thank her for going with you to the gym, as it is keeping you engaged. But make it clear that you need to draw the line regarding training. Honestly, it will be better for her to have individual training for herself as well.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Friends & NeighborsHealth & Safety
life

Teenage Daughter Needs to Wear a Coat

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 12th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a true teenager. Even when it is freezing outside, she doesn’t want to wear a coat. All of the kids these days wear big sweatshirts instead of true outerwear. I see them and know this is their style, but I also know that when it is below freezing outside, they need to be properly dressed. I don’t like forcing my daughter to do things at this age, but I don’t want her to get sick. How can I get her to understand? -- Putting My Foot Down, Cambridge, Massachusetts

DEAR PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN: Remember that you are the parent here. Make it clear to your daughter that she has no other option in the bitter cold than to wear her coat. These days there are lightweight coats made with new technology that are extremely warm without being bulky. If your daughter does not have a coat like that, you might consider buying her one. They are available in virtually every price range, and a lot of young people wear them. No matter what, let your daughter know that she must wear a coat on cold winter days. If she does not, you should take away privileges like her phone -- something she will truly miss.

Health & SafetyTeens
life

Husband Reticent to Travel Internationally

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 12th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My next-door neighbors invited my husband and me to go on a trip with them to Europe this summer. They just asked because they wanted to give us enough time to prepare if we want to go. I love the idea. My husband and I have never taken a vacation out of the country. We love our neighbors, and it would be fun to go with them.

My husband is nervous about the trip. He reminded me of the terrorist attacks in France and Belgium. He cautioned me about other parts of Europe, too. I pointed out that these things happen in the United States as well. I suggested that we take a risk to enjoy this moment with our friends. He is not interested. We have until the end of January to get back to our friends. How can I convince him to go for it? -- Ready for Vacay, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR READY FOR VACAY: Your husband’s concerns about safety are valid. It is true that there have been a number of terrorist activities in European countries -- as they have also occurred stateside. Added to this concern is the fact that your husband is not a traveler. He is probably nervous in general about going overseas.

Show him photos of the places you might visit and talk about the possibilities of what you can do while you are on the trip. Tell him that you really want to go and that you would like him to reconsider the trip. Add that the best way to not give in to terrorism is to live your life to the fullest, without fear.

You may want to invite your neighbors to talk with the two of you about the plans for the trip just to get your husband engaged in the discussion. Talking about it may get him to open up to the idea.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Marriage & DivorceHealth & SafetyFriends & Neighbors

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