DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a social worker, and I work in a poor neighborhood in my city. I don’t have any problem with that. I love my work and get along well with my co-workers as well as the folks in the housing projects where I work. Some of these people have been my clients for several years. We know each other pretty well, and they trust me.

The other day, I wore a fur coat to work because it was really cold. Other women have worn fur coats to work before, but somehow I seemed to stand out because a co-worker told me I was being insensitive and flaunting my possessions in front of poor people. I was surprised; even though my clients typically are poor, a lot of these women have furs. Am I wrong to wear my fur coat on this job? -- Keeping Warm, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR KEEPING WARM: Your wearing a fur coat to work is very different from your clients wearing fur coats. Your co-worker was right to point out that it could seem insensitive for you to wear a fur coat when you visit your clients. You may want to reserve your fur for your personal time.

It is smart for you to dress professionally so that whenever your clients see you, they know you are there for business. This can help to draw the line between you without creating distinctions based on budget. But yes, I would leave the fur at home. Err on the side of conservatism and less flash. Don’t make a big deal of it, either. Just stop wearing the coat to work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I go to the gym with a girlfriend almost every day. It’s good because it keeps me motivated. The downside is that my friend is much fitter than I am. She can run rings around me in the gym. She doesn’t do anything intentionally to show me up, but she’s just stronger and fitter. I want to keep going with her, but I need to remind her that we are at different levels. She wants us to go in on a trainer together, but I don’t think I should train with her. I need to work at my own level, not try to reach hers. I don’t want to offend her, but I don’t want to do that with her. What should I say? -- Need Personal Training, Atlanta

DEAR NEED PERSONAL TRAINING: Be upfront with your friend. She has to know that she is fitter than you. Just tell her that you think what is best for you is individualized coaching that is designed to support your level of fitness. You can thank her for going with you to the gym, as it is keeping you engaged. But make it clear that you need to draw the line regarding training. Honestly, it will be better for her to have individual training for herself as well.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is a true teenager. Even when it is freezing outside, she doesn’t want to wear a coat. All of the kids these days wear big sweatshirts instead of true outerwear. I see them and know this is their style, but I also know that when it is below freezing outside, they need to be properly dressed. I don’t like forcing my daughter to do things at this age, but I don’t want her to get sick. How can I get her to understand? -- Putting My Foot Down, Cambridge, Massachusetts

DEAR PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN: Remember that you are the parent here. Make it clear to your daughter that she has no other option in the bitter cold than to wear her coat. These days there are lightweight coats made with new technology that are extremely warm without being bulky. If your daughter does not have a coat like that, you might consider buying her one. They are available in virtually every price range, and a lot of young people wear them. No matter what, let your daughter know that she must wear a coat on cold winter days. If she does not, you should take away privileges like her phone -- something she will truly miss.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My next-door neighbors invited my husband and me to go on a trip with them to Europe this summer. They just asked because they wanted to give us enough time to prepare if we want to go. I love the idea. My husband and I have never taken a vacation out of the country. We love our neighbors, and it would be fun to go with them.

My husband is nervous about the trip. He reminded me of the terrorist attacks in France and Belgium. He cautioned me about other parts of Europe, too. I pointed out that these things happen in the United States as well. I suggested that we take a risk to enjoy this moment with our friends. He is not interested. We have until the end of January to get back to our friends. How can I convince him to go for it? -- Ready for Vacay, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR READY FOR VACAY: Your husband’s concerns about safety are valid. It is true that there have been a number of terrorist activities in European countries -- as they have also occurred stateside. Added to this concern is the fact that your husband is not a traveler. He is probably nervous in general about going overseas.

Show him photos of the places you might visit and talk about the possibilities of what you can do while you are on the trip. Tell him that you really want to go and that you would like him to reconsider the trip. Add that the best way to not give in to terrorism is to live your life to the fullest, without fear.

You may want to invite your neighbors to talk with the two of you about the plans for the trip just to get your husband engaged in the discussion. Talking about it may get him to open up to the idea.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live next door to a family from Guatemala. They are nice enough people, but to tell you the truth, they have too many people coming and going from their house. I bet anything that some of the visitors are undocumented. I can’t imagine that they all have their green cards. There are just too many of them. They are tidy and friendly and all, but still.

I wonder if I should report them to the police. They aren’t disrupting things, but there are too many of them for everything to be on the up-and-up. I know that a lot of Guatemalans do day work here for lawn services and contracting, but I wonder if they pay taxes. It’s all a bit suspicious to me. What should I do? -- Dropping a Dime, Jupiter, Florida

DEAR DROPPING A DIME: It is true that law enforcement wants people to report suspicious behavior, but before you pick up the phone, evaluate your opinion and your motivation. That there are a lot of people visiting your neighbors’ home is not a crime. That they are friendly and tidy -- essentially good neighbors -- should make you relax.

If they are not doing anything that leads you to believe that they are committing a crime, you should mind your business and let them live their lives. Reporting people to the police is serious. It should be done with caution and only when appropriate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years now. We get along great and feel like we will be together forever. We both just finished college and are working hard to get on our feet. Though we talk about the future, we have not specifically talked about marriage.

A few of our friends are engaged now, and I’m feeling a little anxious. I know we need to get good jobs and earn enough money to get a real home and all, but I don’t know why we can’t do those things together as a married couple. I don’t want to push my boyfriend, but I do want to get married. What should I say to him? -- Ready to Tie the Knot, Wilmington, Delaware

DEAR READY TO TIE THE KNOT: Without pressuring your boyfriend, you should talk about the future and how you envision it. If you want to have children, let him know that and give a sense of when you would want to have a child. Go through your list of questions and thoughts about building a life together, and ask him to share his thoughts. You can ask him if he wants to get married, and, if so, when he thinks would be a good time. You deserve to know if the two of you are on the same page as you plan for the future. Talk it out, and you will have a better sense of whether the two of you should remain on this journey together.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)