life

Reader Questions Bringing Up Faith at Work

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | December 29th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a woman of faith. Now that I am in my 40s, I can see even better how important my faith has been in my life. I know, of course, that I have worked hard and that has helped me to have the wonderful job that I have. I am a good wife and mother. So far, even though I have had some challenges, my life is great. I don’t take this for granted; I believe that this is happening because I have faith in God. I am active in my church and do my best to live a well-balanced life. When people ask me why I am so positive, I like to tell them why. But I worry that I shouldn’t talk about faith at work. I never try to get people to follow my path, but I do want to be able to tell my truth. What do you recommend? -- In the Spirit, Atlanta

DEAR IN THE SPIRIT: You are wise not to proselytize anywhere, especially at work. Your focus at work should be the tasks at hand. Of course, it is also important to build relationships with the people on your job. What you are already doing sounds right. Be a good example of honorable behavior and focus. When asked why you are the way you are in a one-on-one situation, feel free to express your belief that you know you work hard but that your faith is your foundation. Keep it simple unless you believe the person asking is sincerely interested in learning more. Do not invite co-workers to pray with you or go to church with you.

Be mindful that a work environment is legally supposed to be free of any religious affiliation. That said, if someone asks to learn more about how you practice your faith, you can share more information. There is no need to be paranoid, by the way. Just remember that everyone’s religious views are acceptable in a work environment.

Friends & NeighborsWork & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Reader Wants to Bear Witness for Co-Workers

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | December 29th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I know that my former boss came onto a couple of the interns and young assistants at my job when I first started my career. I know because on two occasions I saw him do it, and on other occasions the women confided in me when they were upset about it. I got in touch with the ones I knew how to reach to find out if they want to speak up in light of so many people telling their story these days. They said, “absolutely not.” I feel like this man should be held accountable, but he did not do anything to me. Can I speak out for them? -- Me Too, Dallas

DEAR ME TOO: It is noble that you want to stand up for your former co-workers, but there is not much you can do. Even for the brave women who have included their voices in this horrific discussion about sexual misconduct in the workplace, it is very difficult to prove the allegations. For you to lead a charge as a witness when the alleged victims will not say anything will not work. Worse, it would expose them to unwanted public scrutiny. You can let them know that you will stand as a witness if they ever change their minds.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Etiquette & EthicsAbuseWork & SchoolSex & Gender
life

Husband's Investment Ideas Seem Risky

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | December 28th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is completely immersed in what I call conspiracy theories. He has always been like this, only now he’s focused on some financial investments that seem awfully risky. I don’t know anything about investing -- and neither does he. We both realize we need to make more money, but now he wants to take money out of his retirement to invest in this thing. The investor sounds extreme, if not on the fringe. I don’t want to emasculate my husband, but I also do not want him to blow the only retirement we have on what seems like a whim. What can I do? -- Risky Business, Rockville, Maryland

DEAR RISKY BUSINESS: The best way for you to have some say in how your husband invests is for you to get involved. I’m not sure how the investor in question is a conspiracy theorist, but you should tell your husband you want to learn about this investment strategy with him. Read what he is reading, and do independent research to get a sense of how this idea is regarded in the industry. Speak to a financial adviser to get a professional perspective on what kinds of investments are wise for someone in your family’s financial situation.

By demonstrating sincere interest in this topic that so interests your husband, you may be able to bond with him over your plans for the future and decide to agree together on the next steps.

Family & ParentingMarriage & DivorceMoney
life

Reader Wants Son to Be Nicer to Classmate

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | December 28th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my son’s classmates has epilepsy. She has had it for years, often having seizures at school. The kids try to be nice to her, but over the years, it has gotten tough. She is often rude and annoying to them. Now that they are teens, they are less patient than they used to be. I’m sure the students are unkind to this girl. I have witnessed them ignore her repeatedly. And my son says that she has no friends in the school.

I’m wondering if there is anything I can do to get my son and his friends to be nicer to their classmate. I know they will say she doesn’t deserve it, but her mother has told me that the girl’s illness affects her brain and sometimes leads her to behave rudely. I don’t want my son to be mean to this girl, but I also don’t want him to suffer abuse from someone even if she has an illness. How can I direct his behavior? -- Navigating Friendship, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR NAVIGATING FRIENDSHIP: Remind your son of the importance of treating everyone with respect. Add that having compassion for people who live with challenges is a sign of character. Even when it is tough to show kindness, it is worth it. Talk to your son about boundaries. If this student crosses physical lines, he should immediately tell her to back off. If she speaks in rude or insulting ways, he should stand up for himself and say, “Please do not speak to me like that.” When she is “annoying,” he can ask her to stop whatever she is doing. Only after repeated offenses should he totally ignore her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Family & ParentingEtiquette & EthicsHealth & SafetyWork & School
life

Reader Wants to Reach Out to Friend From College

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | December 27th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I heard from a college friend the other day. He was letting me know that another friend’s father had passed. We graduated from college more than 30 years ago, but we have stayed connected over time.

When we were in school, I know my friend liked me, but I was distracted by another guy and didn’t give him the time of day. About 10 years ago, he and I were working at the same event, and he asked me if I knew he had a crush on me in college. I changed the subject. Now I feel like I should acknowledge that I knew he liked me. I don’t want anything from him. We both are married with children. Mostly, I feel like I would like him to know that his sentiments count. Is that OK to say to him? I am not trying to confuse anything. -- Reminiscing, Boston

DEAR REMINISCING: You are currently in the tender space of remembering the past as a loved one has passed. Tread lightly. If the two of you see each other or talk again soon, you could say to him that you have a confession to make. You can admit that you knew he liked you years ago. Tell the truth -- you were young and distracted and interested in someone else. Apologize for not admitting that you knew this when he asked you years ago. Let him know that you appreciate his friendship and are glad that you created a bond that has lasted.

Love & DatingFriends & Neighbors
life

Reader Worried Daughter Is a Mean Girl

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | December 27th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have noticed that my daughter, who is in high school, has been rude to some girls at school. I pick her up after school sometimes, and I got there early once and noticed her and a group of her friends making fun of another girl. I asked her about it, and she shrugged it off. Another time, I saw the whole group of them taunting a shy girl. I am so upset. My daughter used to be a nice, caring girl. How can I get her to be more compassionate? I know that teens go through a lot of emotional ups and downs, but there’s no excuse for being mean. -- No More Mean Girl, Denver

DEAR NO MORE MEAN GIRL: Tell your daughter you need to talk to her with no cellphones or other distractions. Ask her what happened between her and the girl you saw her taunting. Find out if she did something to upset your daughter and her friends. Be compassionate, as this will help her to talk to you. Tell her you are concerned because this is the second time you have seen your daughter speak to other girls in a mean way. Remind your daughter of the lesson she should have learned in middle school about being a bully or a bystander. Tell her you are worried she has become the bully. Do your best to find out what the other girl did or what your daughter and her friends have done or said that escalated their interaction to obvious mean behavior.

It is unlikely that your daughter will tell you everything in the first conversation. Keep talking to her. Ask her how she would feel if someone treated her in a mean way. If you have a personal story of being bullied when you were young, share that with your daughter. If she can imagine how the victims of her mean behavior might react to her, she may begin to change. Do not give up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Family & ParentingEtiquette & EthicsTeensWork & SchoolAbuse

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