DEAR HARRIETTE: I heard from a college friend the other day. He was letting me know that another friend’s father had passed. We graduated from college more than 30 years ago, but we have stayed connected over time.

When we were in school, I know my friend liked me, but I was distracted by another guy and didn’t give him the time of day. About 10 years ago, he and I were working at the same event, and he asked me if I knew he had a crush on me in college. I changed the subject. Now I feel like I should acknowledge that I knew he liked me. I don’t want anything from him. We both are married with children. Mostly, I feel like I would like him to know that his sentiments count. Is that OK to say to him? I am not trying to confuse anything. -- Reminiscing, Boston

DEAR REMINISCING: You are currently in the tender space of remembering the past as a loved one has passed. Tread lightly. If the two of you see each other or talk again soon, you could say to him that you have a confession to make. You can admit that you knew he liked you years ago. Tell the truth -- you were young and distracted and interested in someone else. Apologize for not admitting that you knew this when he asked you years ago. Let him know that you appreciate his friendship and are glad that you created a bond that has lasted.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have noticed that my daughter, who is in high school, has been rude to some girls at school. I pick her up after school sometimes, and I got there early once and noticed her and a group of her friends making fun of another girl. I asked her about it, and she shrugged it off. Another time, I saw the whole group of them taunting a shy girl. I am so upset. My daughter used to be a nice, caring girl. How can I get her to be more compassionate? I know that teens go through a lot of emotional ups and downs, but there’s no excuse for being mean. -- No More Mean Girl, Denver

DEAR NO MORE MEAN GIRL: Tell your daughter you need to talk to her with no cellphones or other distractions. Ask her what happened between her and the girl you saw her taunting. Find out if she did something to upset your daughter and her friends. Be compassionate, as this will help her to talk to you. Tell her you are concerned because this is the second time you have seen your daughter speak to other girls in a mean way. Remind your daughter of the lesson she should have learned in middle school about being a bully or a bystander. Tell her you are worried she has become the bully. Do your best to find out what the other girl did or what your daughter and her friends have done or said that escalated their interaction to obvious mean behavior.

It is unlikely that your daughter will tell you everything in the first conversation. Keep talking to her. Ask her how she would feel if someone treated her in a mean way. If you have a personal story of being bullied when you were young, share that with your daughter. If she can imagine how the victims of her mean behavior might react to her, she may begin to change. Do not give up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has been playing with Legos since he was about 5. He’s a teenager now, but this is still his gift of choice. He told me and my mother that what he wants more than anything for his birthday are the latest Lego kits that are out. Part of me wants to expand his vision. He is about to be of the age to be interested in girls and in being more social. I fear that there won’t be too many girls who will want to build Legos with him. Should I start weaning him off Legos and give him a gift that will point him to more social activities, like dance lessons or something? I don’t know what to do. -- Growing Up, Bronx, New York

DEAR GROWING UP: Don’t rush your son’s personal development. He has plenty of time to begin figuring out social dynamics with girls. Further, you may be pleasantly surprised to learn that some girls like Legos as well. If I were you, I would get him the Legos that he has requested. You could supplement the gift with something more socially minded.

Talk to your son about what he might like to explore. If you think he would be into dance lessons, then go for it. If he will think that you are meddling in his life, that idea will backfire. Listen to him and learn how he might like to expand his horizons.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister’s husband died a few years ago, and she is still grieving deeply. I try to connect with her and let her know that I care about her and want to be there for her, but nothing seems to be working. She works, but she is really sad. When she comes home from work, she sits around and drinks. When I go to visit her, I can tell that she has not eaten much. She’s usually in a daze. I suggested that she go to therapy, but she doesn’t want to do that yet. I suppose she is functioning because she does go to work every day, but this isn’t living. What can I do to help her? -- Grieving Sis, Los Angeles

DEAR GRIEVING SIS: You cannot force your sister to get help, even though therapy would be good for her. You might suggest a grief counselor, which is specific to her problem. She may be willing to consider that.

Otherwise, continue to visit your sister. Don’t tell her it will get better soon, because you don’t know that it will. And it won’t make her feel happier, either. It will likely make her think you are uncaring and that you don’t understand her pain. Instead, spend time with her. Bring her food when you come. Offer to take her to the movies or shopping or anything that will get her to think about the present rather than remaining burdened by the loss that is unbearable for her to remember. Be patient and loving. Your support does matter to her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family has adopted a family in need for Christmas for many years. We find a family at my sister’s church and figure out what they need and want for the holidays. Then we pool our resources and buy food and gifts for them. It is such a wonderful practice, and I want to encourage your readers to consider giving to those who don’t have any extra money. It is not too late to share your good will and money to help other families. Even after Christmas Day, it isn’t too late. Every day there are people who can benefit from your generosity. Consider giving to someone in need. -- Time for Giving, Chicago

DEAR TIME FOR GIVING: Thank you for this reminder that this is the season for generosity. You are right that no matter where you are, you can give to someone else. Going to your house of worship to identify people to help is a great idea. You can also visit local community centers and homeless shelters to learn how they are organizing giving this season. Go online to find charities whose causes resonate with you. When you look up a charity, consider checking its status with Charity Navigator. This site will let you know if the charity is handling its affairs with precision. Make sure that you know where your money is going. Your generosity will make you -- and the recipient -- feel good. That’s the beauty of giving. It benefits everyone!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My niece bought her grandmother a cellphone thinking it was a great idea. She bought her an iPhone so that she could receive photos from family members who are dispersed all over the country. Everybody thought this was wonderful, including her grandmother -- until she got the phone. This lovely lady is 83 years old, and she has never had a cellphone. She is having the worst time trying to figure out how to use it. It’s just not working. My niece is frustrated because she wants her grandmother to be able to use the phone. What can we do so that Grandma can be connected? -- No Cell Connection, Orlando, Florida

DEAR NO CELL CONNECTION: This happens to older people a lot, as newer cellphones can prove difficult for them to navigate. Some older people have problems simply seeing the screen because the numbers and letters are very small. Others can’t make their fingers work on the small surface. What you may want to do is have your niece return the smartphone and replace it with a simple flip phone that has a keyboard and not much else. Some flip phones have the ability to receive and transmit photos so that function may be available in a simpler phone. What you likely cannot get is the option of FaceTime or a similar service.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)