DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter goes to a majority-white school. We are African-American, but we love that she goes to this school because the education is excellent. Our one real concern is that there are never many black students. For the five years that she has been at this school, there may have been at most four black students during any school year. I wish the school had more diversity, and I am willing to help it find people, but it doesn't seem interested. I am committed to my kid, so I want the school to take this seriously. What can I do? -- Black Lives Matter, Bronx, New York

DEAR BLACK LIVES MATTER: Your school’s leadership could use a wake-up call about what diversity means. First, find out what the school’s mission is regarding diversity. Request a meeting with the dean or head of school. Express your concerns clearly, pointing out that you believe the student body would be better off if it reflected a broader range of ethnic backgrounds. Ask the administrators if they are doing anything to recruit minorities and what the stumbling blocks have been.

Some schools say that they can’t find full-paying minority families and they have limited financial aid available. That could be true at your school, but guess what? There are plenty of minorities who can pay full fare. Recommend that the school hire a recruiter who knows the black and Latino communities. Even if it tries it for just one year, this can help to diversify the student body pool.

If you find that your school’s leadership is not listening, consider talking to the other minority parents to see if they will join with you in pushing the leadership toward greater diversity. If nothing works, you may want to reconsider where your daughter goes to school.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A very dear friend of mine recently asked me to help her out of a financial rut. I helped her once before, years ago, and it was a little awkward. This time, it seems like she is right back in the same situation. I don’t feel comfortable giving her money, as I don’t think it is going to help her change her course. I love her so much, but I don’t think this is what I should do. How can I say no without alienating my friend? She is down and out, but I don’t think I can help her through this one, at least not by writing a check. -- Friend in Need, Dallas

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: The easiest, though seemingly most painful, way to handle this is to state your case immediately. If you haven’t already, tell your friend that you will not be able to help her out financially this time. Rather than walking away entirely, you can offer to guide her toward financial stability. Point her to a personal finance adviser who may be able to help her devise a payment plan with her creditors. Often they can negotiate deals with creditors that make it easier to pay. Be your friend’s cheerleader if she will let you, but hold your ground about giving her money if you feel uncomfortable doing that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working so much that I am utterly exhausted. I have a great job, and I serve in a leadership role in two volunteer organizations. I love what I do, but I think I am spreading myself too thin. A couple of weeks ago, I had a panic attack. I ended up in the hospital because my blood pressure was going through the roof. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t know what to do. But I’m worried. Right now, things are OK, but the doctors told me that I have to slow down, or else I could end up in the hospital again. I think that means I should let go of something, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to stop my volunteer work, but I need a job to afford the volunteer time. -- Betwixt, Detroit

DEAR BETWIXT: Consider what just happened to you as both a blessing and a wake-up call. A panic attack could have been something much worse. You must be still long enough to figure out what you need to release from your life. You already know that something has to go. If your heart tells you that it should be your job, then make a plan. Perhaps you can take a leave of absence from both of your volunteer positions so that you can focus on finding a new paying job. Once you find something that better suits your needs and interests, you can resume the volunteering. Consider doing one volunteer job at a time.

You must put yourself first: Change your diet, increase your exercise, find calming things to do that support your overall health. You have to be your priority. Otherwise, it all goes away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son’s birthday is coming up, and we usually have a huge party for him. This year, finances are tighter than in the past, and we can’t afford the blowout event. We have been suggesting ideas that are more manageable for our budget, but our son, who will soon turn 15, is having none of it. He is acting like a 5-year-old and demanding something that we cannot do. To be fair to him, we have always been able to host fabulous parties in the past. It is our fault that he thinks anything is possible. How do we break it to him that this year there's a limit to his fun? -- Smaller Party, Philadelphia

DEAR SMALLER PARTY: It’s time to give your 15-year-old a reality check. Too bad you haven’t talked to him about budgets before, but now is the time. Explain that he cannot do the blowout party this year, period. Come up with specific ideas that fit your budget. You can let him choose. If he can’t seem to decide, step in. Pick a party that you can afford. Then be enthusiastic about it, and encourage your son to be excited, too. This will make his guests happy about whatever activity you choose.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently moved across the country for a job. I’m excited about this opportunity, and things are working out pretty well so far. My issue is that I cannot travel home for Christmas. It’s too expensive, plus I am new to the job and get only two days off. It makes no sense to travel 3,000 miles for two days.

I don’t know many people in my new city, because I’ve just been working. Now I am in a predicament. I usually spend a week with my family wrapping presents, putting up decorations, cooking, everything that families do. I have no idea what to do this year. I don’t know where to begin. Can you give me some ideas? -- Alone at Christmas, San Diego

DEAR HARRIETTE: It can be lonely to be so far away from your family during the holidays. The good news is that there are options everywhere.

I recommend volunteering at an organization that helps others. This will make you happy for sure! You just need to do a little research. Most churches offer meals to homeless and low-income people. They always need help serving food and sometimes in food preparation. Check with your local chamber of commerce for volunteer opportunities. Same goes for libraries, shopping centers and food kitchens.

One more thing: Use Skype, FaceTime or another video-conferencing tool to connect with your family each day of the holiday season.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is super generous, so much so that I feel like I need to tell her to slow down. Whenever she crosses paths with a homeless person, she gives them money. During the holiday season, she ramps it up even more and gives more money to individuals she runs into as well as to charity. I know she has a great heart, but I worry about her finances. She has a low-paying job, and she will be retiring soon. I keep telling her she needs to keep some money for herself, but she won’t listen to me. I would never want her to stop being generous, but how can I get her to pay attention to herself, too? Nobody in our family has a lot of money. If she retires without enough to care for herself, I am afraid she might hit hard times. That would be too ironic, given how generous she has been her whole life. -- Taking Care of Sis, Little Rock, Arkansas

DEAR TAKING CARE OF SIS: Your sister has tremendous faith as well as a generous heart. Her faith tells her that she will be OK. Your practical concern about her well-being may be the perfect support to her somewhat blind faith. Ask your sister if she will allow you to review her finances -- for the purpose of helping her plan for retirement. Do not talk directly about her generosity. Focus on her personal finances. Point out that she is always giving to others, and you want to make sure that she gives to herself, too.

Suggest that she get a personal financial adviser who can assist her in reviewing her retirement funds and strategy. Your job is to point her in the right direction.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)