DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a gay man. I went clubbing with some of my good friends, and at one of the bars, I saw one of my co-workers’ husbands. I went over and said hello to him so I could see for sure what was up. He was definitely hanging out with dudes. I know his wife, and she is sweet. She is also a devout Christian. I can’t imagine that she knows that her husband is stepping out on her at all, let alone with guys. Should I tell her? I know it can be tough coming out to people, but this is a married couple, and I know the wife pretty well. I feel like I would want to know. How can I tell her if I decide to spill the beans? -- To Tell or Not to Tell, San Diego

DEAR TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL: Know that straight or gay, when you find yourself in the position of having to decide if you will tell what a friend’s spouse is doing, you are walking into dangerous territory. This is true, in part, because the messenger often ends up being the bad guy in these situations.

If you feel you must say something, be neutral in your disclosure. Stick to the facts: You went to the club. You saw her husband. He was hanging out with a group of friends. Do not go into conjecture about what all he may have done. Do say that you spoke to him. Add that you thought she would want to know. Do not ask her what she thinks about this or if she knows.

Often, when spouses are cheating, their partners have a sense of it. Whether they are ready to accept it and do something about it is a totally different thing. Do not get involved with her next steps.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I went home for the Thanksgiving, I got together with old high school friends. It was so much fun. We haven’t gotten together for years. Three of us hung out for hours and had the best time. We agreed that we will do it more often in the future. Time flies so quickly that it can be hard to make time, though. I live five hours away and generally come home only twice a year. Typically, I spend all my time with my family. Since it was nice to see them this time, I’m considering visiting them each time, but I don’t want to make that promise. Do you think I will seem uninterested if I don’t visit every time? It had been 10 years since we’d seen each other. -- Making Time for Friends, Little Rock, Arkansas

DEAR MAKING TIME FOR FRIENDS: You do not have to go from zero to 100 miles per hour in rekindling these friendships. Be practical, and do not overpromise. Instead, keep your family as your priority. Manage your friends’ expectations by letting them know before you head home whether you think you can get together. This way you can have peace of mind and manage your newly rekindled friendship with ease rather than a feeling of overwhelming responsibility.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son’s seventh-grade teacher contacted me to say she was worried that my son is not reading enough. She thinks this is why he doesn’t do so well in humanities and is a slow reader. He is required to read a certain number of pages every day, which he does begrudgingly. His teacher has asked me to get him to read more.

I want to help, but I’m not a big reader, either. Now I feel guilty that he doesn’t read much because we don’t read a lot in our household. I don’t want to shrug off the teacher’s request, but I think it is going to be hard to change my family's patterns. The moment my husband and I get home from work, we turn on the news and we watch that or some crime show until we go to sleep. How can I get my son to read more -- and even my husband and me, too? I feel like it’s too hard to break old patterns. -- Don’t Love to Read, Pittsburgh

DEAR DON’T LOVE TO READ: You already know the answer: You have to demonstrate to your son what is expected of him. One way to make it easier for yourself is to approach reading as homework for the family. Talk to your husband about the teacher’s evaluation of your son’s reading and her recommendation that he dive deeper into reading on a daily basis. Ask your husband to join you in spending at least one hour each evening reading together. Pick anything you find interesting.

If all of you have the TV off and books open, your son will be more inspired to emulate your behavior. You can even express the truth about how challenging it is at first, since you are accustomed to watching TV. Agree with your son that you will read together each evening. This is the best way to break the pattern -- as a family.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, my family hung out with a family we haven’t seen in quite some time. We had a lovely time together. One thing I noticed, though, was that their youngest child had significant body odor. It reminded me of when my daughter was growing up. She was 9 years old when we had to get her deodorant. No amount of washing was enough to ward off major body odor. I thought I might share my own child’s journey with my friend, but then I worried it could be crossing the line. I feel certain the mom could smell her daughter. They are all clean people. Do you think I should follow up and offer my suggestion? -- Child B.O., Kansas City, Kansas

DEAR CHILD B.O.: You did the right thing, at least for starters. Yes, I’m sure the mom can smell her child’s body odor. Had she asked you for a recommendation, you would have had an entrance. It would be inappropriate for you to follow up and point this out. For many families, it takes a while to figure out how to address the hormonal changes that accompany growing up. Eventually, they will work it out. Give them the space to do this on their own.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have married into a kooky family. For the most part, we all get along well. We do not share the same political views, though. In the past few years, things have gotten contentious from time to time, with some family members falling hard on the right and others falling equally hard on the left. There seems to be no middle ground.

At Thanksgiving, things got kind of heated when a big discussion started about the sexual assault allegations against so many powerful men. Like clockwork, people took sides. It was upsetting to see that politics seemed more important than these real issues of women -- and sometimes men -- being victimized by these men. I got so upset. We weren’t able to talk about the nuances of the issue because family members instantly sided with whoever they felt represented their general interests rather than the glaring issue in front of us.

How can I encourage us to talk openly and honestly about such an important topic without having the response be that people just toe the so-called party line? I think this is an important topic that we should try to address -- especially since we all have teenage children. -- Learning to Talk, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR LEARNING TO TALK: Start with your immediate family, particularly your children. Ask your teenagers what they think is appropriate behavior and what crosses the line. Encourage them to talk about their fears and concerns about how people approach them. Get them to express their thoughts openly so that you can support them in learning how to walk away from inappropriate behavior. Tell them they can always tell you the truth and you will support them.

In terms of the rest of your family, suggest the same thing. Rather than getting caught up in what other people have done, suggest that they talk to their own children about how to protect themselves from sexual predators. This issue is vital to your children’s safety. Ask the adults to take a step back from their political beliefs and think about their children. That should help clear the path to meaningful conversation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 10-year-old son came home from school spouting expletives like he was reciting a school play. I was shocked. We do not curse at home, and he knows that. I asked him where he heard this language, and he shrugged me off without answering. I let him know that he would be punished if he cursed again, but I want to get to the bottom of it. Clearly, he heard someone cursing, and I’m thinking it was at school. Should I speak to his teacher, or just continue to work with him on what he is allowed to say? -- Ending Profanity, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR ENDING PROFANITY: There are so many places where one can hear profanity these days that it may be impossible to pinpoint the origin of your son’s inspiration. Simply walking down the street, he can hear adults and teens cursing at each other.

Manage this one-on-one. Let him know the consequences of cursing. Remind him that he is not to do it, even if his friends do. Let him know what these words mean and how hurtful it can be when you use them. If his cursing escalates, then speak to his teacher.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)