DEAR HARRIETTE: Years ago, my husband and I got into a series of nasty arguments, and while we stayed together, we retreated to different parts of the house and stopped being intimate.

We now have a much nicer relationship. We tried to be intimate recently, and it didn’t work. It was on me; it wouldn’t work. When I went for my annual gynecological visit, my doctor told me what I already know -- things are pretty tight down there. I didn’t dare ask him what to do because I was way too embarrassed. But I don’t know what to do. I want to be intimate with my husband again, but I don't know how. -- Resuming Intimacy, Atlanta

DEAR RESUMING INTIMACY: It turns out that many couples go through periods of abstinence, for a wide variety of reasons. Depending on the length of time, it can be difficult to reconnect. Emotional distance can create a divide that’s hard to close. Additionally, women’s bodies can become less receptive and literally smaller, making it difficult to be intimate. You may need to speak to your doctor to get suggestions and even medical support to get to the place where you can comfortably receive your husband. Some men find that they experience erectile dysfunction due to age, health or even longtime abstinence, so a doctor’s visit may be helpful for both of you.

Given that there were emotional reasons that shut you two down years ago, you should also talk. Work on communicating about your life and what you want now. Consider going to therapy together, a couple's retreat or some other type of engagement that may foster positive vibes between you. Read more here: mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/sexual-health/expert-answers/sex/faq-20058523 and aarp.org/home-family/sex-intimacy/info-12-2012/couples-having-sex-again.html.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son graduated from college a couple of years ago, and has had difficulty finding the right job fit. He did well in college and has been looking hard, but he has found only odd jobs. My wife and I have let him move back home for a while with the understanding that he needs to get his life together, but we are battling over how to manage this. I think my son should pay rent of some amount so that he begins to accept responsibility for his life. I also think he should participate in household chores. He does none of this right now. My wife is far more doting. She lets him get away with anything.

How can we draw the line? I need my son to step up and be responsible -- for his own good. -- Parenting an Adult Child, Columbus, Ohio

DEAR PARENTING AN ADULT CHILD: You and your wife need to be on the same page. Talk to her about your belief that your son should learn responsibility. Suggest that he pay a small rent. You can put it in an account that you give to him at the end of his stay. That could even help him with a deposit on his own place. Point out that doing chores and participating in household duties is a part of life. He should not get a pass. When you win over your wife, you can approach your son.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband’s ankles swell sometimes -- really, kind of a lot. Whenever I bring this up to him, he shrugs it off.

My husband is big on health food and vitamins that he reads about on the internet, but he is horrible about going to the doctor. I think it has been five years since he had a physical.

I am so worried. My brother-in-law died of colon cancer. His father died of a heart attack. I’m not trying to wish anything bad on him, but I do think there is value in getting an annual checkup. How can I get him to go? -- Against the Doctor, Seattle

DEAR AGAINST THE DOCTOR: Start by doing some research. There are many reasons why a person's feet and ankles swell, and most of them are signs of poor health. Among the causes are congestive heart failure, kidney disease, cirrhosis of the liver, hypertensive heart disease and more. In other words, there are serious health concerns that could be the reason why his ankles swell. For more details, go to: healthline.com/symptom/swollen-ankle.

Point out to your husband that it is worth it to find out if he has a serious ailment that needs treatment, or if it is a less serious situation like a fracture. Remind your husband of how much you love him and want him to be healthy. Tell him you are scheduling a doctor’s appointment for him, and urge him to go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My kids spent the weekend with good friends from school while my husband and I took a much-needed mini-vacation. When we picked them up, all they could talk about was how much fun they had playing with their friends’ dog. They have talked nonstop about wanting to have their own dog, which is not in the cards for us. For one, I am allergic, but even if we got a hypoallergenic dog, I don’t have the time or the inclination to walk or tend to a dog, and I know my children ultimately won’t do it. My husband won’t either.

How can I break it to my kids that I’m really not going to give in to their endless begging for a dog? -- No Furry Friends, Boston

DEAR NO FURRY FRIENDS: Stay firm in your convictions. You have to be clear about what you can manage for your family. You can also get creative about how your children can experience more doggy time in their lives. Perhaps they can visit friends who have dogs with more regularity. You can also check in with the local ASPCA to see if your children can volunteer there to help support their work on rescuing and re-homing animals. Your need to not have a dog at home does not mean that your children cannot get to know dogs.

I am similar to you; what I did was talk to a local pet grooming shop to see if my daughter could volunteer there. They happily agreed, and she goes in from time to time to learn about how these people groom dogs. Occasionally she gets to play with the dogs, too.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: The girl I’ve been calling my best friend for years has just done the worst possible thing. She made up a story about me that was horrible and then told it to everybody in our grade. We are in middle school. I am so upset.

My mother told me to get over it, but how do I do that? I have to go to school with all these kids who now think I am a terrible person. I tried to talk to my friend about it, but now all of a sudden she doesn’t want to talk to me. I can’t imagine what I did to make her act like this. I know my mom reads your column, so I was wondering what you think I should do? -- Mean Girl Drama, Cleveland

DEAR MEAN GIRL DRAMA: When your friends choose to hurt you, it can be devastating. To lie about you with the intention of turning people against you is cruel. You should go to your teacher and principal to report what you believe your friend did. Be as precise as possible and bring any backup information that can prove what you are suggesting she did. If you have emails or social media postings that point to the story, bring those. If other students have told you that your friend shared the lie with them, give their names to the teacher and principal. As scary as it may seem to report this behavior, it is important. People should not get away with slandering someone’s name. This is a form of bullying. By standing up for yourself, you create space for support.

You also should open your eyes to other students. It is time to make new friends. I know that isn’t easy to do, especially when you are feeling sad and hurt, but this girl is no friend of yours if she is intentionally trying to hurt you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been on a weight-loss plan for a few months now. What is working for me is eating cottage cheese and fruit in the morning. I sometimes bring it with me to work and eat it at my desk. The people sitting nearby often eat bagels or muffins, and it has been fine.

All of a sudden one woman who sits near me has started to talk about my food. She calls my cottage cheese “grandma food” and finds ways to poke fun at me whenever I am eating. She even went so far as to say she thinks it’s a waste of time to eat such nasty food only to lose a couple of pounds. I was furious. I’m doing my thing, minding my business. How can I get her to back off? -- Healthy Living, Miami

DEAR HEALTHY LIVING: Congratulations on your weight-loss program. It’s not easy to stick to a consistent path of wellness. It takes time to develop discipline. Good for you that you are doing it.

You have a couple of options with this woman. You can ignore her. Eventually she will stop if you don’t react. Or you can offer to share some of Grandma’s food with her! Don’t let her see she is upsetting you. That will only exacerbate the situation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)