DEAR HARRIETTE: I have three children. Two are under 5 years old. My oldest is 10. My concern is that we are getting close to Christmas, and it’s getting harder and harder to manage the children’s expectations of Christmas, especially when it comes to communicating with and about Santa. My eldest is ready to be a spoiler. He doesn’t want to write a letter to Santa. He doesn’t want to do anything other than talk about what his friends are saying about Santa in school. What can I say to my son to get him to keep the magic of Christmas alive for the whole family? My husband and I really get into the holidays, and we want our eldest to stay engaged. What can we say to him? -- Spoiler Alert, Athens, Georgia

DEAR SPOILER ALERT: Your 10-year-old needs holiday duties. Give him the big-boy role by engaging him in the duty of keeping his younger siblings psyched about Christmas. Anoint your son as Santa’s helper. Assign him tasks such as helping his siblings write their letters to Santa. He can even help them think of what they want to put on their lists.

In terms of his school friends, encourage him to tell them that he is helping to make it a great holiday for the whole family. Remind him of how much fun it is when everyone pitches in. He can be cool at school without dissing the holiday. Instead, he can talk with pride about being a helpful big brother. You and your husband can point out that Santa remains alive and well in your home, and everyone is grateful for it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I got married a year ago. We are so happy, but we are broke. I am still in college, and he is in his first job out of college. He is paying off loans, and we are just getting started. The holidays are coming, and I do not want us to overspend for Christmas. I recommended we skip gifts altogether and enjoy each other and our families. He hated that idea. What do you recommend we do so we give something but don’t blow the budget? -- Creative Christmas, Dallas

DEAR CREATIVE CHRISTMAS: Congratulations on your first year of marriage. And kudos to you that you want to be frugal during the holidays. So many people get into debt buying lots of things they cannot afford and that are not necessary. Creativity is key here so that you and your husband can have tangible evidence of the love you have for each other without breaking the bank.

One couple I know took this fun approach. They picked a random low number, $7, and pledged to spend no more than that amount on each other for Christmas. What happened is that they scavenged places such as Goodwill and The Salvation Army as well as vintage shops and dollar stores to find little sentimental items that would bring smiles to each other’s faces. They said that was one of their best Christmases ever because they devoted a lot of time to thinking about how to make their spouse happy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I know a woman who is active in a multilevel marketing company. She hounds me to become part of her network, and I find it annoying. I like the woman enough, but I think I have to cut her out of my life because she doesn’t know how to just be a friend. She’s all about sales. I understand that we all have to work. I work, too. But in my downtime, I don’t want to be hustled. Is there anything I can say to her to get her to back off, or will I just be wasting my breath? -- Stop the Hard Sell, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR STOP THE HARD SELL: You should know that the training for many of these multilevel marketing firms pushes people to be persistent and to work to get others into their network. The woman in question is likely following the steps she has been taught and may not realize her behavior can seem off-putting and invasive. Chances are, she will continue to try to sell to you whenever she engages you. If you want to give it a try, you can speak to her and be blunt. Make it clear that you do not appreciate the constant sales pitch. Let her know that if you are to even try to become friends, you need her to back off. See if she is willing to make the effort. If not, stop including her in your activities.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to have a serious crush on this guy, but it didn’t work out. The timing was all wrong. That was about 10 years ago. We work in the same industry, and I recently saw him again. Turns out, he is working on a project I will be working on as well. He is excellent at what he does, so I know he will do a great job. My issue is that all of the feelings I had years ago flooded back in when I saw him. I felt like my heart was beating faster when I was in the room with him. I think this is crazy. I’m a grown woman, and this is a work situation. I don’t want to get caught up lusting for him and lose focus on the work. Plus, I’m too nervous to make any overture. Last time I really put my foot in my mouth. How should I handle this? -- Still Crushing, San Diego

DEAR STILL CRUSHING: Throw some cold water on your face and turn your attention to your work. You are an adult and a professional. Let your mature attributes outweigh your libido. That doesn’t mean it will be easy. The tug of the heart and loins is real. Keep yourself in check.

Do not flirt with this man. Do not dress up for him. Do not do any of the things you would naturally do when you are trying to draw attention to yourself. Stay laser focused on the job at hand. Be friendly, of course, but demonstrate you are a professional member of the team and it is your pleasure to work with him. The end.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My next-door neighbor is pregnant. I know because another neighbor in my building told me, but my neighbor hasn’t said anything directly. I know when I was pregnant I didn’t tell anyone for months because I had previously had a miscarriage. I’m wondering if I should say anything to congratulate her, or wait until she lets me know. We are friendly but not close. I don’t want to seem insensitive since having a baby is such a precious thing. Will I seem rude if I don’t mention it? -- Being Neighborly, Bronx, New York

DEAR BEING NEIGHBORLY: Trust your instincts and say nothing for a while. If all goes well, she will begin to show. Don’t mention it even if she is showing a little, because she may be keeping it to herself until she feels certain the baby is growing well. If you notice her with a huge belly, obviously say something then. Congratulate her. You can congratulate her warmly and ask how she is feeling. Since you are neighbors, you can also ask if she needs anything. Be welcoming without being pushy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: At my last job, my company had all of us participate in Secret Santa. It was a lot of fun, so I asked my new boss if we could add Secret Santa to our celebrations. She seemed lukewarm about it. She didn’t straight out say no, but I could tell she isn’t a fan of the idea. She gave me permission to take a poll at the office to see if others like the idea.

I wonder if I should just let it go since she wasn’t enthusiastic. I want to be viewed positively by my boss. What should I do? -- 'Tis the Season, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR 'TIS THE SEASON: Your boss’s response may have been tepid, but it wasn’t a no. Follow her advice and ask the staff if they would like to participate in Secret Santa. Outline how it would work. Typically, people’s names go into a bowl and everyone selects a name. There should be a small dollar amount as the cap for spending. Keeping the cost low prevents others from feeing stretched, and it also requires them to be creative. Gifts should be appropriate, meaning nothing romantically suggestive, something reflective of the person’s interests or personality. Often Secret Santa gifts are given out at a company holiday party. If your company already hosts such an event, suggest tagging on to that. If not, the gifts can be given independently.

After you have laid it out for your co-workers, ask them to share whether they will be interested in participating. Since you want to bring your boss back a clear picture of the staff’s interest, ask them to email you with their thoughts either way. That way you have documentation if needed to back up the totals you give your boss. If the team wants to proceed, let her know and coordinate it. If they do not, let your boss know that, and be sure not to have hard feelings. Your boss should view you positively no matter the outcome if you remain a team player.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)