DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a black-tie dinner the other night that had beautiful centerpieces. The hostess announced from the stage that guests were invited to take the centerpieces home. I decided to take her up on it. Well, I went to reach for the flowers at the same time as another person at my table. It was awkward, but eventually I stood down and the other woman got it. I felt horrible. I wouldn’t have even considered taking the flowers if the hostess hadn’t suggested it. What went wrong? Is it common for centerpieces to be given away at these events? -- Dinner Protocol, Denver

DEAR DINNER PROTOCOL: Sometimes centerpieces are given away at formal events. Yes, the host or hostess should be the one to announce this. Usually, the way it is handled is that there is a card or some other identifier under a particular person’s plate that indicates who will receive it -- to avoid exactly what happened to you -- the scramble for who will get it. Your hostess skipped a key step in keeping the event elegant and organized.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been good friends with my high school boyfriend for my whole life. I am now in my late 40s, and we still check in with each other from time to time. He is married with a couple of kids. I am now engaged. We have always been respectful of each other’s lives, even as we have stayed close.

My fiance doesn’t like this setup. He thinks I should have no male friends other than him. He says nothing good can come of these kinds of friendships. I beg to differ. We have been very close for something like 30 years. Do I have to give up this friendship in order to marry my fiance? -- Hate to Choose, Milwaukee

DEAR HATE TO CHOOSE: Why not get your fiance and your ex and his wife together? Plan a meal where everyone can get together and get to know each other a bit. This may help to defuse any concerns your fiance has. You should also inquire as to why your fiance feels it is impossible for such a friendship to last. He may have had bad experiences in the past that have left him suspicious.

In the end, you two will need to decide together what types of friendships you will carry forward as you build a life together. This is no small issue. The people who figure prominently in your life are important. Relationships that have lasted for decades should be taken very seriously. Before shrugging off any important friendship, you should evaluate whether you think walking away is a smart decision.

Talk with your fiance about his expectations of friendships after you marry. Learn about his values regarding family, friends (of both genders), work and childrearing. Go through everything you can think of to see if the two of you see eye to eye on core values. Couples who do not go through this exercise often end up getting surprised by belief systems and values that don’t mesh long after they have walked down the aisle.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel very sad and hopeless. I have felt like this for quite some time. I try counting my blessings, something my mother taught me when I was a child. It isn’t working. I have been unemployed for three years. I was a high-paid account executive in the fashion industry, and I was responsible and good at my job. Now I am told I am overqualified or just not right for every job I interview for. I think ageism could be part of it. Even though I am in great shape and look good for my age, I’m still in my 50s. I’m competing with 20-year-olds. I have two children and a husband, and I’m not contributing to our bottom line anymore.

Sometimes I feel like they would be better off if I were dead. I have a healthy life insurance policy that could take care of all of the family’s financial woes. I know that sounds crazy, but I’m feeling desperate. Before you tell me to get a shrink, don’t bother. I can’t afford it. What else can I do to get out of this dark hole? -- Sinking Fast, Brooklyn

DEAR SINKING FAST: The longer a person is out of work, the more devastating it can feel. Plus, that makes it much harder to find another job. It is understandable that you would feel sad about your situation. What is happening a lot for people who are out of work for extended periods of time is that they begin looking outside of their former industry. Consider looking more broadly to see if you can find any kind of job, even part-time work that might help you support your family. You might consider going through AARP’s Life Reimagined, which is a free program designed to help people look at their lives moving forward in order to plot out their course. It is an uplifting curriculum that may benefit you.

As far as suicidal thoughts go, you can get immediate, free support at any time by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Get the help you need so you can see clear to a brighter side of this tough situation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was recently diagnosed with a serious health condition. I am a private person, and I don’t want to tell anyone about it. I will be visiting family at Thanksgiving, and typically they ask a thousand questions. They love talking about their ailments -- the young ones as well as the older people. I hate that. I don’t want to lie, but I feel like I should be able to maintain my privacy about my health situation. How can I deflect prying questions, because I know they are coming? -- None of Your Business, Detroit

DEAR NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS: Getting together with family does not require a "true confessions" moment. You have the right to your privacy, even if your family doesn’t like that. When asked how you are doing, say that you are doing fine and then talk about some aspect of your life you feel good about. This could be about work, your home or your friendships. Pick something that they will find interesting and that will deflect from your health.

You may want to consider who can be a confidant. Since you are facing a health challenge, it might be necessary choose one family member whom you trust to share your news with.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is in an uncomfortable situation. She was separated from her core friend group this year at school and has been trying to figure out how to maintain those friendships and bond with the kids in her new classroom.

For Halloween, she ended up splitting her time between the two groups, which was stressful and ultimately backfired. Her core group was mad she spent time with her new classmates, so they shunned her. By trying to be with both of them, she ended up alone at the end of the evening needing to be rescued because her “best” friends left her. The teenage years are tough, I know, but I feel so bad for her. I know I cannot protect her from the challenges that life will bring, but I do want to make sure I empower her to the best of my ability. What do you say in a situation like this? -- Between Friends, Baltimore

DEAR BETWEEN FRIENDS: Being a teenage girl can be devastatingly tough. Girls who are figuring out how to grow up and fully assume their personalities often hurt each other's feelings. What you can do is help your daughter make smart choices about how she spends her time. Splitting time between two groups on the same day is hard to manage. It may be easier for her to spend time with one group on one day and the other on another, especially when the activities are outside of school.

When your daughter’s friends are dismissive of her, that may be a sign they are no longer her best friends. Tell her to notice how her friends behave. If they turn mean and aren’t thoughtful, suggest that your daughter consider turning away from them. Sometimes it is best simply to walk away from people who are mean. As hard as it seems in the moment, it’s about self-preservation. You can remind your daughter that she deserves to be loved and treated with kindness. It may break her heart in the moment to turn away from those who mistreat her, but this may be the step that saves her heart in the end.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited on a first date with a guy. A few days ago he called me to say he doesn’t have much money and he wanted to know if we could split the cost. I’m not the kind of person who is trying to get a guy to spend a huge amount of money on me, but I think it’s not right for him to invite me out and then ask me to pay straightaway. I wish he had invited me to do something that is free, like go to the park or something. Can I suggest a free or affordable date instead of the dinner he proposed? -- Bad Date, Philadelphia

DEAR BAD DATE: You have every right to suggest a different kind of date. Since he is low on funds, by all means recommend a free or low-cost alternative. A walk in the park, a visit to the zoo or a trip to an art gallery could be fun. See how he responds to your creative response. This will help you to know how flexible he is. Money does not need to stand in the way of getting to know someone on a date, but you both have to agree on the terms.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)