life

Sexual Advances Remembered Years Later

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 6th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Now that so many stories are coming out about sexual misconduct at work, I have remembered several incidents that I faced in my job when I was a young woman. I shrugged them off as part of life because my other female colleagues had mentioned that our boss was a serious flirt. As I recall it, though, I ended up leaving this particular job because my boss wouldn’t stop trying to get me to go to bed with him. He was married, and I was barely 20 years old. I have gone on to build a fine career for myself. I’m wondering, though, if I should add my voice to this discussion. My former boss is still running his company (even though he doesn’t own it) and still could be harassing women. I’m still working and don’t want to cause a problem for myself. What should I do? -- Speaking Up, Denver

DEAR SPEAKING UP: What is powerful about the groundswell of voices in what has come to be known as the #METOO movement is that there is power in numbers. As women (and men) in many fields have spoken up and told stories of how they were harassed on the job, the message is ringing loudly that it is not OK to violate another’s rights.

In your case, to protect yourself you may want to go to your current boss first and explain what you remember. Tell your boss you want to expose your former boss for the violations that occurred with you because you are concerned about his current employees. Keeping your boss in the know should protect you during this process.

Go to your former company’s owners -- whoever is above your former boss. Let them know what happened to you and that you think it’s important for them to know. Ask them if they intend to address it or if it will be necessary for you to go to the press or social media to out this man.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for November 06, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 6th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just went through some old photos from my childhood, and I had mixed feelings. On the one hand, I saw many old friends at events when we had a wonderful time together. I also saw friends who have already died. And most of us don’t look anything like we did when we were young. I have been struggling with my weight and health for a few years now. Seeing myself as a young person makes me realize I didn’t take good care of myself. I feel ashamed. Part of me feels it’s too late to turn things around. My doctor says that if I work hard, I can regain good health. Seeing the photos makes me long for the past when things weren’t so hard. -- Giving Up, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR GIVING UP: Let those old photos inspire you -- not to become your teenage self, but to claim good health and work toward it. You may also want to reach out to old friends to reconnect with them. Don’t let your transformation over the years hold you back. Everybody has changed, not just you. Enjoy your friends and move your body.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Friend Wants to Help With Eating Disorder

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 4th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends is battling an eating disorder. I have thought this for years, but I never knew quite what to say. She recently told me she went away to a rehab place to try to learn how to eat properly. She went and did everything she was told, but she hasn’t gained weight. I am so worried about her. She is kind of tall and probably weighs less than 100 pounds. How can I be a friend to her during this period when she is trying to face her demons? -- Supporting a Friend, Las Vegas

DEAR SUPPORTING A FRIEND: According to the National Eating Disorders organization, it can be tough for a friend or family member to have an impact on a loved one who is suffering an eating disorder. What you can do is be honest and firm about what you are observing about the person and how you feel about it. People who are battling eating disorders have an illness, and they need professional help.

Tell your friend you love her, but she must go to a doctor for the medical and emotional support that can get her healthy again. Encourage that. Take care of yourself as well. Do not get so caught up in your friend’s ups and downs that you forget yourself. Be an example of good health by eating in moderation and exercising regularly. For more ideas, go to bit.ly/HCEatingDisorders.

Friends & NeighborsEtiquette & EthicsHealth & SafetyMental Health
life

Racial Acceptance Dissolves at Dating Age

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 4th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am friendly with a group of women, and we all have teenage children. We represent many backgrounds, and our friendships have been rewarding for years. Now, as our children become interested in dating, things are beginning to change. There are fewer “play dates” between our children now that there is a chance they might actually date each other. I get that most of us would like for our children to date people who share their ethnic background or their socioeconomic reality, but we all are in the same school. We chose to be there. I hate that suddenly my black child is not as accepted on the dating scene in this largely white environment. How can I help my daughter manage what now feels like rejection? -- No Longer Welcome, Cambridge, Massachusetts

DEAR NO LONGER WELCOME: Naivete says our culture should have advanced beyond such polarization in 2017. Many people do believe that our children should be able to love whomever they like and create a family accordingly, regardless of race, religion, economic background or anything else. And yet many people, deep down inside, prefer that their children marry within a certain community. This is also true among many African-Americans.

What can you do about it? Expose your daughter to a broader group of young people, including people who share her background. Do not just rely on school friends as potential dating partners, especially when you see the friction that seems to be growing among her peers. Reinforce in your daughter that she is beautiful and worthy of a partner who will love and cherish her for who she is. When others shun her, remind her that she deserves to be treated with respect. Those who do not offer that do not deserve her time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Work & SchoolLove & DatingEtiquette & EthicsFamily & ParentingFriends & NeighborsTeens
life

Mother Still Working at 80

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 3rd, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is 80 years old and still working. She has a part-time job as a nurse’s aide, a job she has had for most of her adult life. I hate that she has to work as a senior citizen, but I don’t make enough money to help her. I was laid off from my job two years ago and barely scrape together enough money to keep my apartment. I do go and cook food for her every week and do my best to spend time with her. What else can I do? -- For My Mother, Fort Lauderdale, Florida

FOR MY MOTHER: Showing your mother how much you love her by paying attention to her regularly is important. She must know you have limited resources, so she doesn’t expect you to pay for her. What you can do is look into what government programs exist that may be able to help her. With extremely limited income, as well as her senior status, your mother may be eligible for subsidies that would make it possible for her to stop working. It is not easy to navigate the system, but this is what you can do to help your mother have some comfort in her old age. Go to this article for informational links: bit.ly/HCAging.

Family & ParentingMoneyWork & School
life

Parent Wants to Follow Up on School Connection

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 3rd, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into a woman who went to college with me many moons ago. She works at a school where my daughter is applying. When we saw each other, it was pleasant, and we exchanged information. Normally, I’m not one to believe in currying favor, but there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my child. How can I follow up with her to learn more about the process without creating an uncomfortable situation? I want her help, but I don’t want to make her feel weird about it. -- For My Child, Pittsburgh

DEAR FOR MY CHILD: Assume the positive. You had a pleasant reunion. This is a good sign! Chances are, she will be happy to talk to you about the options available for your daughter. How much she can help is to be determined, but it surely can’t hurt to talk to someone on the inside. Follow up with her and let her know you and your daughter are very interested in this school. Ask her if she has insight about the process and recommendations for how you should navigate next steps to help you to have a good chance at being selected. Be transparent with her. Welcome any help she feels comfortable offering -- from general advice to a direct recommendation to those with influence.

By being open and honest about your position, you make it easier for her to give you a direct and honest response. Point out that you think it was serendipity for the two of you to run into each other after so much time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Friends & NeighborsTeensFamily & ParentingEtiquette & EthicsWork & School

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