DEAR HARRIETTE: I am up for a job at a large company in my town, and I learned one of my good friends is interviewing for the job as well. She is so excited, and she confided in me she is trying out for this job. I didn’t have the presence of mind to tell her I am interviewing for the same job. I’m sure we will see each other during the interview process. How can I let her know beforehand that I am also in the running without seeming like I am betraying her? We have both been unemployed for a while, so we both need a job badly. I can’t step aside on this one. -- On the Line, Severn, Maryland

DEAR ON THE LINE: Call up your friend or go to visit her. Wish her luck for the job interview. Add that you want her to know you are also interviewing for the job. Say you suspect many people you know will be in the running as well, because it is a good opportunity during tough times. Admit that you didn’t tell her right away because she was so excited and you didn’t want to dash her spirits. Offer your blessing for both of you to find something.

DEAR HARRIETTE: All my friends are planning to go together to buy the latest smartphone. They are making it kind of a “thing” so they will all be connected through this cool new device. I wish I could join them, but it’s not even a thought for me. I have student loans and other bills to pay. I cannot think of buying a phone that costs almost a thousand dollars. I don’t want to be the only person who isn’t part of the clique, but I can’t do it. How can I make them understand? -- Watching My Wallet, San Diego

DEAR WATCHING MY WALLET: You are smart not to get caught up in the marketing frenzy that has your friends set to jump into the latest craze. Be upfront with them. Without judging them, explain that you will not be participating. You understand how exciting it is to try out the new phone, but right now you have committed your funds to other things. No need to go into detail about your financial woes. You have no reason to feel uncomfortable or ashamed of your choice, either.

As hard as it may seem in the moment, you should feel proud of yourself for making your own decision -- what makes sense for you and your life right now regardless of your friends’ choices. It is not easy standing up for yourself, especially when peer pressure is so intense. Congratulations on standing your ground!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the neighbor who never participates in Halloween activities. I don’t have children, so I have never been pressured to do it. Also, I just don’t dig it. The dark imagery of corpses and goblins and all that death stuff doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t begrudge the people who are into it, though. What bothers me is that my neighbors get upset every year when I don’t put out candy or welcome the kids who come knocking. I don’t want to get into a political debate with anyone about my beliefs, but I would appreciate it if they backed off. What can I do or say to get them to have their fun without trying to get me to be a part of it? -- Off the Ghostly Grid, Denver

DEAR OFF THE GHOSTLY GRID: What many people do when they don’t want to participate in Halloween activities in their neighborhoods is to go out to dinner or go elsewhere during the peak hours when children typically come knocking. That way you don’t feel any angst about not opening the door when you hear a knock. As far as your neighbors go, stop trying to convince them Halloween isn’t your bag. You are not the only person who doesn’t go the distance for this holiday. Be clear in your intentions and let it go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had an almost-affair with a guy many years ago when I was having trouble with my husband. What I mean by that is, I went out to dinner with a guy and he kissed me before we parted ways. Nothing else happened, but apparently he was really into me. I say that because my husband and I ran into him at an event, and he walked up to us and told my husband he was my ex. What? I don’t even remember his name. I’m not kidding. His comment jarred me into remembering who he was, but I swear our encounter was nothing. How can I squash his overture? -- Long Ago, Seattle

DEAR LONG AGO: Tell your husband what you remember about this guy. As uncomfortable as it may be to reveal your slight indiscretion years ago, you are best off by keeping your husband in the know. In this way, this guy has no power over you. If going out with him helped you to see your marriage was more valuable than a potential fling, be sure to tell your husband that as well.

Use this uncomfortable moment as an opportunity to check in with your husband about the health of your marriage today. Are you both happy? Is there anything you can do to reinvigorate your life together? If you see this guy again, ignore him. By strengthening your conviction in your marriage, you neutralize his very presence.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father has been dead for many years. I feel ashamed that it is only now that I have been able to fully forgive him for how mean I thought he was when I was growing up. He criticized me for every little thing. It was horrible, even though it did propel me to succeed. Just the other day I was talking to my sister about my dad, and it turns out he had been bragging about me for years to everybody who would listen. He never told me he was proud of my accomplishments, which have been many, but apparently he was quick to tell others. I appreciate this fact, long after he’s gone. How can I deal with the guilt I feel for not being able to forgive him while he was alive? -- Forgiving Daddy, Washington

DEAR FORGIVING DADDY: You are facing a huge hurdle in your life’s evolution. Forgiveness is perhaps the hardest action one can undertake in life. It requires you to surrender completely and allow your heart to open. It requires you to have compassion for yourself for holding on to bad feelings for so long and for the object of your criticism -- your father.

Keep reminding yourself you did your best at the time, and today your best is showing you another way to look at the past. Here is where faith can come in. Ask God to give you the strength to show yourself compassion at this pivotal point. You may also want to get professional counseling to help you talk through your bevy of feelings and release old pain.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a guy for a few months, and it is going great. The only thing is, he is so into trends that I’m not sure if I can keep up. He is the cool boy that is so popular right now, meaning he wears a beard and a bun. This is fine by me, but I worry about how my conservative daddy is going to react to him. My dad doesn’t believe in trends. How do I introduce him to my family so they will take him seriously? Once you get past the look, you learn he is a smart and thoughtful guy. -- Don’t Judge, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR DON’T JUDGE: First, you have to decide you are comfortable with your date’s style. You said you aren’t sure you can keep up. Be sure before you introduce him to your family. Be clear about why you like him and why you think he may be a good fit for you.

When you are confident about that, take him to meet your family. Prep him so he knows how conservative they are. Share any expectations they may have, like what to wear when you visit. Give your parents the heads-up that you are bringing a man you really like, who is very stylish. Ask them to welcome him with open arms. Your advance work can lay the foundation for a good introduction.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)