DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the neighbor who never participates in Halloween activities. I don’t have children, so I have never been pressured to do it. Also, I just don’t dig it. The dark imagery of corpses and goblins and all that death stuff doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t begrudge the people who are into it, though. What bothers me is that my neighbors get upset every year when I don’t put out candy or welcome the kids who come knocking. I don’t want to get into a political debate with anyone about my beliefs, but I would appreciate it if they backed off. What can I do or say to get them to have their fun without trying to get me to be a part of it? -- Off the Ghostly Grid, Denver

DEAR OFF THE GHOSTLY GRID: What many people do when they don’t want to participate in Halloween activities in their neighborhoods is to go out to dinner or go elsewhere during the peak hours when children typically come knocking. That way you don’t feel any angst about not opening the door when you hear a knock. As far as your neighbors go, stop trying to convince them Halloween isn’t your bag. You are not the only person who doesn’t go the distance for this holiday. Be clear in your intentions and let it go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had an almost-affair with a guy many years ago when I was having trouble with my husband. What I mean by that is, I went out to dinner with a guy and he kissed me before we parted ways. Nothing else happened, but apparently he was really into me. I say that because my husband and I ran into him at an event, and he walked up to us and told my husband he was my ex. What? I don’t even remember his name. I’m not kidding. His comment jarred me into remembering who he was, but I swear our encounter was nothing. How can I squash his overture? -- Long Ago, Seattle

DEAR LONG AGO: Tell your husband what you remember about this guy. As uncomfortable as it may be to reveal your slight indiscretion years ago, you are best off by keeping your husband in the know. In this way, this guy has no power over you. If going out with him helped you to see your marriage was more valuable than a potential fling, be sure to tell your husband that as well.

Use this uncomfortable moment as an opportunity to check in with your husband about the health of your marriage today. Are you both happy? Is there anything you can do to reinvigorate your life together? If you see this guy again, ignore him. By strengthening your conviction in your marriage, you neutralize his very presence.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father has been dead for many years. I feel ashamed that it is only now that I have been able to fully forgive him for how mean I thought he was when I was growing up. He criticized me for every little thing. It was horrible, even though it did propel me to succeed. Just the other day I was talking to my sister about my dad, and it turns out he had been bragging about me for years to everybody who would listen. He never told me he was proud of my accomplishments, which have been many, but apparently he was quick to tell others. I appreciate this fact, long after he’s gone. How can I deal with the guilt I feel for not being able to forgive him while he was alive? -- Forgiving Daddy, Washington

DEAR FORGIVING DADDY: You are facing a huge hurdle in your life’s evolution. Forgiveness is perhaps the hardest action one can undertake in life. It requires you to surrender completely and allow your heart to open. It requires you to have compassion for yourself for holding on to bad feelings for so long and for the object of your criticism -- your father.

Keep reminding yourself you did your best at the time, and today your best is showing you another way to look at the past. Here is where faith can come in. Ask God to give you the strength to show yourself compassion at this pivotal point. You may also want to get professional counseling to help you talk through your bevy of feelings and release old pain.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a guy for a few months, and it is going great. The only thing is, he is so into trends that I’m not sure if I can keep up. He is the cool boy that is so popular right now, meaning he wears a beard and a bun. This is fine by me, but I worry about how my conservative daddy is going to react to him. My dad doesn’t believe in trends. How do I introduce him to my family so they will take him seriously? Once you get past the look, you learn he is a smart and thoughtful guy. -- Don’t Judge, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR DON’T JUDGE: First, you have to decide you are comfortable with your date’s style. You said you aren’t sure you can keep up. Be sure before you introduce him to your family. Be clear about why you like him and why you think he may be a good fit for you.

When you are confident about that, take him to meet your family. Prep him so he knows how conservative they are. Share any expectations they may have, like what to wear when you visit. Give your parents the heads-up that you are bringing a man you really like, who is very stylish. Ask them to welcome him with open arms. Your advance work can lay the foundation for a good introduction.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: All this talk about sexual harassment at work is upsetting me, but more my daughter, who is about to graduate from college and wants to work in the entertainment industry. She and I have been discussing how she can protect herself from sexual predators on the job and whether she should even keep her dream of working in film given the horror stories that have been exposed about Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby before him, and so many others. How do I protect my daughter and encourage her to pursue her passion? Listening to the women who are speaking up today doesn’t really make me more comfortable. They were quiet for decades so that they could grow their careers. Is that what my daughter’s fate will be -- give in or go home? -- Protecting My Daughter, Cincinnati

DEAR PROTECTING MY DAUGHTER: Facing down a sexual predator on the job is a big topic of conversation today without any clear guidelines on how to proceed. The fact that many women are speaking out -- from Hollywood stars to women in other fields of business -- is a good sign. There is a lot more awareness than in the past about how rampant sexual misconduct is at work.

How that translates into protections for women at work is unclear as of yet. What you can teach your daughter is that she has the right to work in a safe environment. If anyone attempts to cross a sexual boundary with her, she can say no and report it to human resources. If more women do this, there is a chance that the perpetrators will curb their bad behavior. It is also possible that women who speak up could continue to lose opportunities in the workplace. My guess is that we will need the courageous women who are willing to fight vocally for their right to work in a safe space to change the trend that has existed for so many years.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m worried that my mom is losing her memory. She is in her late 80s, and I know this happens to many people as they grow older. She has aged a lot in the last year and a half, and one side effect has been that she forgets things -- important things. The other day, she forgot she was supposed to order food for herself because my sister would not be coming by to bring her a meal. The evening had been planned, but my mom totally forgot and was sitting at home hungry. We figured it out that same evening, but it was concerning. Little things like this have been happening a lot. My mom lives in a retirement community, so there are people to look out for her, but what else can we do? -- Forgetful Mom, St. Louis

DEAR FORGETFUL MOM: Have your mother’s memory checked by her internist. There are tests for dementia that will let you know the severity of her memory loss. With her doctor’s support, you can learn what her limitations are today and how to support her. For many elders, memory loss is common. The question will be what the severity is of your mother’s memory loss and whether she needs a new level of care to support her basic needs. Partnering with her doctor will help you figure out next steps.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)