DEAR HARRIETTE: My father has been dead for many years. I feel ashamed that it is only now that I have been able to fully forgive him for how mean I thought he was when I was growing up. He criticized me for every little thing. It was horrible, even though it did propel me to succeed. Just the other day I was talking to my sister about my dad, and it turns out he had been bragging about me for years to everybody who would listen. He never told me he was proud of my accomplishments, which have been many, but apparently he was quick to tell others. I appreciate this fact, long after he’s gone. How can I deal with the guilt I feel for not being able to forgive him while he was alive? -- Forgiving Daddy, Washington

DEAR FORGIVING DADDY: You are facing a huge hurdle in your life’s evolution. Forgiveness is perhaps the hardest action one can undertake in life. It requires you to surrender completely and allow your heart to open. It requires you to have compassion for yourself for holding on to bad feelings for so long and for the object of your criticism -- your father.

Keep reminding yourself you did your best at the time, and today your best is showing you another way to look at the past. Here is where faith can come in. Ask God to give you the strength to show yourself compassion at this pivotal point. You may also want to get professional counseling to help you talk through your bevy of feelings and release old pain.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a guy for a few months, and it is going great. The only thing is, he is so into trends that I’m not sure if I can keep up. He is the cool boy that is so popular right now, meaning he wears a beard and a bun. This is fine by me, but I worry about how my conservative daddy is going to react to him. My dad doesn’t believe in trends. How do I introduce him to my family so they will take him seriously? Once you get past the look, you learn he is a smart and thoughtful guy. -- Don’t Judge, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR DON’T JUDGE: First, you have to decide you are comfortable with your date’s style. You said you aren’t sure you can keep up. Be sure before you introduce him to your family. Be clear about why you like him and why you think he may be a good fit for you.

When you are confident about that, take him to meet your family. Prep him so he knows how conservative they are. Share any expectations they may have, like what to wear when you visit. Give your parents the heads-up that you are bringing a man you really like, who is very stylish. Ask them to welcome him with open arms. Your advance work can lay the foundation for a good introduction.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: All this talk about sexual harassment at work is upsetting me, but more my daughter, who is about to graduate from college and wants to work in the entertainment industry. She and I have been discussing how she can protect herself from sexual predators on the job and whether she should even keep her dream of working in film given the horror stories that have been exposed about Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby before him, and so many others. How do I protect my daughter and encourage her to pursue her passion? Listening to the women who are speaking up today doesn’t really make me more comfortable. They were quiet for decades so that they could grow their careers. Is that what my daughter’s fate will be -- give in or go home? -- Protecting My Daughter, Cincinnati

DEAR PROTECTING MY DAUGHTER: Facing down a sexual predator on the job is a big topic of conversation today without any clear guidelines on how to proceed. The fact that many women are speaking out -- from Hollywood stars to women in other fields of business -- is a good sign. There is a lot more awareness than in the past about how rampant sexual misconduct is at work.

How that translates into protections for women at work is unclear as of yet. What you can teach your daughter is that she has the right to work in a safe environment. If anyone attempts to cross a sexual boundary with her, she can say no and report it to human resources. If more women do this, there is a chance that the perpetrators will curb their bad behavior. It is also possible that women who speak up could continue to lose opportunities in the workplace. My guess is that we will need the courageous women who are willing to fight vocally for their right to work in a safe space to change the trend that has existed for so many years.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m worried that my mom is losing her memory. She is in her late 80s, and I know this happens to many people as they grow older. She has aged a lot in the last year and a half, and one side effect has been that she forgets things -- important things. The other day, she forgot she was supposed to order food for herself because my sister would not be coming by to bring her a meal. The evening had been planned, but my mom totally forgot and was sitting at home hungry. We figured it out that same evening, but it was concerning. Little things like this have been happening a lot. My mom lives in a retirement community, so there are people to look out for her, but what else can we do? -- Forgetful Mom, St. Louis

DEAR FORGETFUL MOM: Have your mother’s memory checked by her internist. There are tests for dementia that will let you know the severity of her memory loss. With her doctor’s support, you can learn what her limitations are today and how to support her. For many elders, memory loss is common. The question will be what the severity is of your mother’s memory loss and whether she needs a new level of care to support her basic needs. Partnering with her doctor will help you figure out next steps.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: The holidays are coming up, and I am in a bind. Usually, my family travels for Thanksgiving and Christmas to visit relatives. My husband recently lost his job, and I am a stay-at-home mom. We can’t afford the flights or even the road trip we normally take. We have to be frugal until we figure out how we will earn a living to take care of our family. We don’t really want to tell our extended family what’s going on. My husband is a proud man, and he doesn’t want to admit that he got laid off. I want to honor his wishes, but I don’t know what to tell the family. They will start worrying and wondering if we don’t tell them something. -- Dreading the Holidays, Pittsburgh

DEAR DREADING THE HOLIDAYS: You can tell your family you won’t be coming to visit them this year. With your husband’s permission, you can even say things are tight right now, and you need to save money, so you hope they understand. If they press you for details, you can remain vague. Many people are experiencing tight purse strings these days, so this shouldn’t be an unfamiliar idea. Your family will be surprised and saddened that you aren’t coming to visit, but if you are firm, they will have to understand. In terms of managing their concern, tell them you are OK. You have decided to make smart decisions for this lean moment in your lives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a junior in college, and I have been active in my student government since I was in middle school. I have always wanted to get into politics, and I’m getting closer to my goal. My concern is that things are getting ugly in politics these days. It seems like it might be uglier than in the past. At my school the students don’t argue respectfully across parties. They have gotten into fistfights and nasty name-calling already this year. I look at Congress and see that very little is getting done. Am I being naïve to think I can make a difference? I want to be practical and effective. -- Future Politician, Denver

DEAR FUTURE POLITICIAN: The political landscape does seem particularly nasty these days, but believe it or not, this is not unusual. People have different views about values, money and how the country should be run, and those warring views sometimes lead to volatile discussions and behaviors. It is for those reasons that it is important for smart, committed people to enter the field of politics. Our country needs great thinkers and committed workers to stand up for their point of view and help to make our world a better place.

The United States is often called “the great experiment in democracy.” Our country makes an effort to allow all lines of thinking to be heard and considered. This often makes for messy conversations and plenty of tension. The great news is that it also makes it possible for us to come together and compromise toward the greater good of our people. We need you. Please jump in.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)