DEAR HARRIETTE: The holidays are coming up, and I am in a bind. Usually, my family travels for Thanksgiving and Christmas to visit relatives. My husband recently lost his job, and I am a stay-at-home mom. We can’t afford the flights or even the road trip we normally take. We have to be frugal until we figure out how we will earn a living to take care of our family. We don’t really want to tell our extended family what’s going on. My husband is a proud man, and he doesn’t want to admit that he got laid off. I want to honor his wishes, but I don’t know what to tell the family. They will start worrying and wondering if we don’t tell them something. -- Dreading the Holidays, Pittsburgh

DEAR DREADING THE HOLIDAYS: You can tell your family you won’t be coming to visit them this year. With your husband’s permission, you can even say things are tight right now, and you need to save money, so you hope they understand. If they press you for details, you can remain vague. Many people are experiencing tight purse strings these days, so this shouldn’t be an unfamiliar idea. Your family will be surprised and saddened that you aren’t coming to visit, but if you are firm, they will have to understand. In terms of managing their concern, tell them you are OK. You have decided to make smart decisions for this lean moment in your lives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a junior in college, and I have been active in my student government since I was in middle school. I have always wanted to get into politics, and I’m getting closer to my goal. My concern is that things are getting ugly in politics these days. It seems like it might be uglier than in the past. At my school the students don’t argue respectfully across parties. They have gotten into fistfights and nasty name-calling already this year. I look at Congress and see that very little is getting done. Am I being naïve to think I can make a difference? I want to be practical and effective. -- Future Politician, Denver

DEAR FUTURE POLITICIAN: The political landscape does seem particularly nasty these days, but believe it or not, this is not unusual. People have different views about values, money and how the country should be run, and those warring views sometimes lead to volatile discussions and behaviors. It is for those reasons that it is important for smart, committed people to enter the field of politics. Our country needs great thinkers and committed workers to stand up for their point of view and help to make our world a better place.

The United States is often called “the great experiment in democracy.” Our country makes an effort to allow all lines of thinking to be heard and considered. This often makes for messy conversations and plenty of tension. The great news is that it also makes it possible for us to come together and compromise toward the greater good of our people. We need you. Please jump in.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m not sure how to handle a delicate situation. My neighbor’s husband passed away recently, and she is having a hard time. We were never close, but I am concerned for her. I want to be able to support her, but my husband doesn’t like her. He has a good friend who has filled his head with terrible stories about her, so he doesn’t want me to associate with her. I kept my distance for years because of my husband’s perspective, but now she needs support. How do I break the invisible line and lend a hand without offending my husband? -- In Mourning, New Orleans

DEAR IN MOURNING: Talk to your husband and let him know that you feel compelled to support your neighbor during her time of grieving. Point out that you hope neighbors would rally on your behalf if anything happened to him. Let him know you feel it’s important to help out in whatever ways you can through this fresh time of mourning.

Then, because you know of his sensitivities, be mindful not to bring home stories about this woman and her suffering too often. Be a good neighbor and do what you can, but resist the temptation to win your husband over into liking her. If it happens, fine, but do not make that your objective.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I know a woman who recently has lost a ton of weight. She was never heavy, but now she is skinny. I don’t know if she did a weight-loss plan or surgery, or if she is sick. All I know is that she looks unhealthy. I like this woman and want to check on her. What can I say? I know people can be sensitive about their weight. -- Too Thin, Milwaukee

DEAR TOO THIN: You are about to hit the hot button on this one! It is tough to bring up issues of weight with people, wherever they fit on the spectrum. Because you care about this woman, you may want to try this approach: When you see her and can speak privately, tell her how happy you are to see her and ask what she has done to lose so much weight. Tell her you noticed she has trimmed down a lot and you were wondering how she did it. This is the most neutral way to get to the core issue.

If you have had any history of fluctuating weight, you may want to bring that up in the conversation, so that you show you have compassion and understanding about weight issues. This may help your friend to open up. It will be up to her whether she is ready to reveal her circumstances to you. You may have to accept that this is none of your business and just let her see that talking to you can be a safe space for her if she ever wants to share more.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved to a new neighborhood a few months ago, and I am getting to know some of the people who live nearby. I learned that there is a women’s group that gets together once a month for drinks or dinner. In theory, it’s really nice. The thing is, I don’t like a couple of the women. They are very catty and sit in the corner and talk about people -- or worse, they talk about people out in the open -- when the people in question are not there. How can I befriend some of the other women without condoning that behavior? I don’t want to be a bystander and allow that kind of talk to go on in my presence. -- Fitting In, Scarsdale, New York

DEAR FITTING IN: Chances are, you cannot change the behavior of an established group. You can choose which women you like and want to get to know. You can either invite them to spend time with you separately or align yourself with them when you are at the group gatherings. When you notice that the gossipy women are revving up, if you are sitting near them you can quietly ask them to tone it down, saying it bothers you when people talk about other people. Or you can leave.

If you decide you want to remain part of the group, you may try to become part of the leadership, if such a role exists, so that you can then work with the group to implement boundaries around gossip and name-calling. You have to decide if this is a fight you want to wage.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have an exercise buddy who is great for keeping me motivated to get up and work out, but she is pretty brash. She curses a lot and always finds fault with people. I don’t like that part at all. I like to start my day peacefully. I’m not sure what to do. On one hand, I have been losing weight and doing well with my workouts, which has never happened before. The downside is that I have to listen to her nonstop banter. Do you think it’s worth it? -- Too Much Negativity, Austin, Texas

DEAR TOO MUCH NEGATIVITY: I understand the value of having a buddy to keep you motivated in your workout routine. You have made great strides, which is to be commended. But your state of mind is equally important for your overall well-being.

For the long haul, you should think about how you want to organize your fitness routine. Begin to wean yourself off a daily grind with this woman. You can tell her you want to spend some days in silence during your workout, so you want to go it alone sometimes. You have the full authority to manage your life, including your fitness profile. It may be difficult for you to distance yourself from her at first, but you can do it.

You can also tell her it is hard for you to listen to her judge people and speak negatively all the time. Describe how you like to start your day. You may be able to inspire her to consider another way of looking at the world.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)