DEAR HARRIETTE: I was talking to a work friend the other day, and the subject turned to a fellow co-worker who is gay. My work friend started in saying she knows we are supposed to be PC and all, but she is a Christian and believes homosexuality is a sin. She knows she should be more open to this guy, but she says it is against her religion to believe that the way he lives is acceptable. This conversation was awkward, to say the least. I understand her feelings, even though I don’t agree. But we are not supposed to discriminate against anyone on the job. Her comments went on and on about this guy and his presumed behavior. I didn’t like it, but I wasn’t sure what to do or say. Can you help? -- Sexuality and Religion, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR SEXUALITY AND RELIGION: Go to your company handbook and research the guidelines that every employee should follow regarding discrimination. Point to the rules when you next speak to this woman, so you help her to understand she should keep her opinions to herself. Be mindful that she firmly believes she has the right to her thoughts as they mirror her understanding of the Bible.

Also tell her that her comments made you uncomfortable. Explain your views and point out that the beauty of our country is that we can all have strong opinions, but we must learn to express them so that we do not disparage others. You may not be able to change her mind, but you can decide you will not listen to her anymore or endure her criticism.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A guy was hired on my job last month who does exactly what I do. I’m worried because my firm is small, and no other role is filled by two people. To me, this is my death sentence. They must be trying to phase me out if they have hired another person who does the same job. What can I do to keep my job, or should I just start looking for something else now? -- Writing on the Wall, Atlanta

DEAR WRITING ON THE WALL: Take some time to observe this new employee to see how he works and what has been assigned to him. Be objective as you see his role unfold. Also, talk to your boss. Without being defensive, ask your boss what responsibilities will be allocated to the new employee and whether your role will change at all. Don’t assume you are being pushed out. Consider that the company may be expanding, or that this man will be given other duties. Get detailed information so you are informed.

If you discover he really is going to be duplicating your work, ask your boss if you are being phased out. It is smart for you to find out so you can make appropriate plans. Do not threaten. Just ask so you can know where you stand in the company.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am about to get married, and my fiancé and I have come to an impasse over something that I don’t think is such a big deal. I grew up in a household where everybody had chores, but we also had a housekeeper who came once a week to do heavy cleaning. It was so helpful having Mrs. Lancaster with us. She became part of the family. I want the same thing for my new home. Of course, both of us should do chores, but I believe having extra help will ensure we keep everything organized and clean. My husband thinks this is excessive and a waste of money. He grew up in a household where no extra help was ever there. They couldn’t afford it. We can. Plus, I work 80 hours a week usually. I need the help. How can I get my fiancé to see that? -- Clean Up, Rochester, New York

DEAR CLEAN UP: This is one of many value-driven conversations you must have with your fiancé to determine whether the two of you can compromise when needed to build your life together. While it may sound clichéd, it is the little things in a marriage that help to make your bond stronger or erode it entirely.

Since your husband-to-be does not see the need for a housekeeper, a compromise might be to have someone come in once a month in the beginning. Suggest this as an acknowledgment that you know he doesn’t see eye to eye with you on this point but that you know you need help in order to keep your home in the manner you believe appropriate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is applying for college, and he is required to write several essays. The ones we have seen thus far are not good at all. It looks like he has been rushing through them. He hasn’t gotten particularly good grades on them. I have offered to edit his work to help boost his writing, but he wants to do it by himself. I like that in theory, but I’m shocked he hasn’t become a stronger writer yet. With the essays he has shown me thus far, I don’t think he is going to get into a good school. How can I support him? -- Need a Boost, Boston

DEAR NEED A BOOST: It is often difficult for parents to serve as tutors for their children. Tempers can flare quickly, and judgments abound. You and your son would do better if you hired a writing tutor to support him. There are many companies that offer this service, specifically for helping students write their essays for high school and college admission. Interview several of these services to find the best fit for you. One small company that has a good reputation is Write for the Future. You can reach them at writeforthefuture.com. A much larger company that people recommend is Kaplan at kaptest.com.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dating a man who is the quintessential nice guy. He calls me a lot. He asks me out on dates every weekend. He has great manners.

On paper, he is everything a girl could want. The problem is, I am bored out of my mind. He is so predictable. I understand this should be great, but I want to have my guy make things exciting, at least a little.

I tried to light the spark by suggesting different kinds of dates, but he is clear about what he wants to do, when the date begins and when it ends. I am spontaneous, at least a bit, and he doesn’t seem to have room for that.

I know we aren’t a perfectly matched couple, but I do like him. How can I get him to think more collaboratively? It is nice to have company, so I don’t want to push him away. -- Rev Him Up, White Plains, New York

DEAR REV HIM UP: Ask yourself if nice is enough. It doesn’t sound like it to me. If you want more, be willing to ask for more. Be honest. Tell him you want to mix things up a bit. Ask him to consider being more collaborative. Think about trying to get closer to him rather than pushing him away. Say as much to him.

Now is the time to get to know him better. He may be cautious about what you do on dates because he is watching his budget. Suggest free or affordable activities that are fun, like apple picking or hiking around a lake and bringing a bag lunch.

If he doesn’t budge for any new idea, rethink whether he’s your guy. You deserve a date who is willing to consider your ideas too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like the luckiest man in the world when I look back and I see how good my wife has been to me. When I was younger, I played the field, and she never left me. We got married young, and I sowed my oats even after we got married.

I’m not proud of my indiscretions, but I do want to do something for my wife to celebrate her and our marriage. I had surgery recently, and she has been way better than a nurse to me. How can I show her my appreciation now? -- Filled With Gratitude, Los Angeles

DEAR FILLED WITH GRATITUDE: Start by telling your wife on a regular basis how much you love and appreciate her. Notice the little things she does and comment on them. Think about what she loves to do, and plan a special occasion to give that to her. It could be taking a trip or going to the museum or a play. It could be watching a chick flick or taking a walk. Tap into what makes your wife smile, and offer that to her every day. Paying attention to her needs and desires will show her your appreciation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)