DEAR HARRIETTE: I was asked to give gently used clothing to a clothing drive for victims of the hurricanes that have occurred in recent weeks. I am so happy to help, and I gathered everything my family and I could give away.

I was a little concerned because I saw a news report that said that sending “stuff” was not good because it was hard for people to receive it. The woman in charge of the drive promised she could make it happen. She also showed me the website of the organization she is working with that has a high charity rating. I just want to make sure this is legit. What should I do? -- For Those in Need, Chicago

DEAR FOR THOSE IN NEED: It is true that sending clothing and food items can be tricky for certain parts of the world that are surviving disasters. I also have seen reports that show food rotting at drop-off points and clothing seemingly dumped and discarded. It is also true that some organizations have figured out distribution systems to make it possible to get these items directly to the people.

You should go to the charity's website to learn who they are and how they care for people -- for this crisis and in the past. Also, you can look at Charity Navigator (charitynavigator.org), an organization that closely checks to ensure the financial health and transparency of charities and ranks them accordingly. This will help you assess whether your donations will get to their destination.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter and her best friend often spend time together after school. I got word from a friend that he saw them walking in a busy commercial neighborhood, and he was worried about them.

He said they looked innocent, but he was sure young men would be interested in them because they looked provocative, even though he said they weren’t necessarily dressed in a sexy way. He said, as a guy, he knows how guys can look at innocent girls like that. He told me he didn’t speak to them and might not have told me, but since I ran into him he thought I should know.

How can I handle this situation? I know my daughter has to grow up, and I am figuring out how to protect her and to let her have some independence. -- In the Balance, Manhattan, New York

DEAR IN THE BALANCE: Your job is to constantly teach your daughter how to protect herself as she is growing up. She should always be mindful of her surroundings, and -- as she is doing -- it is best to travel at least in pairs.

For your friend, ask him to speak to her whenever he sees her so she knows someone who cares about her is looking out for her. Ask him to tell you whenever he sees her. Then when you tell her she will realize, as the old folks used to say, you do have eyes in the back of your head. We need a village to help protect and raise our children to keep them safe.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Now that the gun issue is top of mind, I have begun to question the people I know who may have guns and the lives of my children. I never thought to ask parents if they own guns before I allow my children to visit their homes. Now I think it’s a question to ask, especially if I am planning to allow my children to go for a sleepover.

How do you recommend I bring this up? I know it’s a political hot button. I want to protect my children. Honestly, I’m not sure if I want my children to spend the night at someone’s home if they have guns. How do I address this? -- Children and Guns, Philadelphia

DEAR CHILDREN AND GUNS: First, figure out what your stance is regarding your children going to sleepovers with families who have guns. You have to be clear on your view so that when you talk to parents you know where you intend to draw the line.

If guns and ammunition are properly stored, they should be childproof, which means the guns are stored in bags with the ammunition kept separate, out of reach of children.

How to ask? Just do it. You can frame the question by saying you have begun to think about the issue of weapons in the home due to the many incidents of late with children inadvertently getting their hands on guns and hurting or killing innocent people. State whether you have guns and, if so, how you store them, and then ask if these parents have guns in the home. Be upfront about your concerns for your child’s safety. If the people you’re speaking with have guns, find out how they are stored. Make your decision based on those facts.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker complains about her weight nonstop. She talks about all the things she does to lose, from cutting carbs to going to the gym, to drinking water and more. I have listened to her pledges about losing weight for years now, all the while having her judge me with disparaging comments because I am overweight.

Now that I have lost 20 pounds, she hasn’t changed her tune. She continues to use me as a punching bag. I don’t appreciate it. In her view, I think I’m better than other people now because I have lost weight. I can’t win. What can I do to get her off my back without inciting more negativity? -- Punching Bag, Salt Lake City

DEAR PUNCHING BAG: Your co-worker is a bully. You can choose to ignore her and continue on your path to wellness or you can call her out on her behavior. For the latter, stop her when she begins to talk about you. Tell her she would be better off using her energy to take care of herself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My hair is turning gray, and it concerns me because I work in a young industry. Most of my colleagues are 20-somethings, while I am in my 40s. I am good at my job and seem to be appreciated. I make sure I look youthful enough and vital so I am not considered old.

Ironically, a couple of my office mates have dyed their hair gray. It seems to be a trend. Even so, I think I should dye mine brown. The trend works for young people. And, of course, it doesn’t seem to matter at all for men. For women, I think it’s a whole different ballgame. What do you think? -- To Dye or Not to Dye, Chicago

DEAR TO DYE OR NOT TO DYE: You are right on many fronts. Yes, it is a trend these days for women to dye their hair gray or white, different from the classic platinum blond that remains popular. I agree that it works best on people who seem to defy the age group for the color. Being young and hip with gray hair gives the color an edge.

That said, I will add that some women wear their natural gray hair beautifully and can maintain a semblance of youthful vitality at the same time. It depends on the style and cut that you wear and the rest of your overall appearance.

Given that you work in a youthful industry and ageism exists even if it is unconscious, you should figure out a look that makes you feel comfortable and competitive with your co-workers. Dyeing your hair is perfectly fine -- and commonplace. Consider dyeing your hair a fun color. Who said only the 20-somethings can have fun with hair color?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a great job, and I make good money. I’ve worked hard for it, and I feel good that my education and commitment are paying off, but I also feel uncomfortable because most of my friends are struggling. I help them out in different ways, like paying for dinner when we all go out and buying them great gifts for their birthdays, but I’m at a crossroads as to how to be comfortable with my good fortune.

I know my friends aren’t my responsibility in that way, but I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging when I make improvements in my life, like redoing my kitchen when one friend can hardly pay her rent. How do I reconcile my circumstances in comparison to theirs? -- Uneasy, Boston

DEAR UNEASY: Being generous with your friends is a kind and thoughtful action. Be careful not to overdo it, though. You run the risk of creating expectations that you will foot all of the bills when you are together. Balance that out.

In terms of how you live your life, do it without talking about it. Make your improvements, take your trips and do what you do without fanfare. When your friends visit, welcome them to your home and share your bounty without bragging about it or revealing costs. Your low-key manner will help to ease the economic divide.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)