DEAR HARRIETTE: Now that the gun issue is top of mind, I have begun to question the people I know who may have guns and the lives of my children. I never thought to ask parents if they own guns before I allow my children to visit their homes. Now I think it’s a question to ask, especially if I am planning to allow my children to go for a sleepover.

How do you recommend I bring this up? I know it’s a political hot button. I want to protect my children. Honestly, I’m not sure if I want my children to spend the night at someone’s home if they have guns. How do I address this? -- Children and Guns, Philadelphia

DEAR CHILDREN AND GUNS: First, figure out what your stance is regarding your children going to sleepovers with families who have guns. You have to be clear on your view so that when you talk to parents you know where you intend to draw the line.

If guns and ammunition are properly stored, they should be childproof, which means the guns are stored in bags with the ammunition kept separate, out of reach of children.

How to ask? Just do it. You can frame the question by saying you have begun to think about the issue of weapons in the home due to the many incidents of late with children inadvertently getting their hands on guns and hurting or killing innocent people. State whether you have guns and, if so, how you store them, and then ask if these parents have guns in the home. Be upfront about your concerns for your child’s safety. If the people you’re speaking with have guns, find out how they are stored. Make your decision based on those facts.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker complains about her weight nonstop. She talks about all the things she does to lose, from cutting carbs to going to the gym, to drinking water and more. I have listened to her pledges about losing weight for years now, all the while having her judge me with disparaging comments because I am overweight.

Now that I have lost 20 pounds, she hasn’t changed her tune. She continues to use me as a punching bag. I don’t appreciate it. In her view, I think I’m better than other people now because I have lost weight. I can’t win. What can I do to get her off my back without inciting more negativity? -- Punching Bag, Salt Lake City

DEAR PUNCHING BAG: Your co-worker is a bully. You can choose to ignore her and continue on your path to wellness or you can call her out on her behavior. For the latter, stop her when she begins to talk about you. Tell her she would be better off using her energy to take care of herself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My hair is turning gray, and it concerns me because I work in a young industry. Most of my colleagues are 20-somethings, while I am in my 40s. I am good at my job and seem to be appreciated. I make sure I look youthful enough and vital so I am not considered old.

Ironically, a couple of my office mates have dyed their hair gray. It seems to be a trend. Even so, I think I should dye mine brown. The trend works for young people. And, of course, it doesn’t seem to matter at all for men. For women, I think it’s a whole different ballgame. What do you think? -- To Dye or Not to Dye, Chicago

DEAR TO DYE OR NOT TO DYE: You are right on many fronts. Yes, it is a trend these days for women to dye their hair gray or white, different from the classic platinum blond that remains popular. I agree that it works best on people who seem to defy the age group for the color. Being young and hip with gray hair gives the color an edge.

That said, I will add that some women wear their natural gray hair beautifully and can maintain a semblance of youthful vitality at the same time. It depends on the style and cut that you wear and the rest of your overall appearance.

Given that you work in a youthful industry and ageism exists even if it is unconscious, you should figure out a look that makes you feel comfortable and competitive with your co-workers. Dyeing your hair is perfectly fine -- and commonplace. Consider dyeing your hair a fun color. Who said only the 20-somethings can have fun with hair color?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a great job, and I make good money. I’ve worked hard for it, and I feel good that my education and commitment are paying off, but I also feel uncomfortable because most of my friends are struggling. I help them out in different ways, like paying for dinner when we all go out and buying them great gifts for their birthdays, but I’m at a crossroads as to how to be comfortable with my good fortune.

I know my friends aren’t my responsibility in that way, but I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging when I make improvements in my life, like redoing my kitchen when one friend can hardly pay her rent. How do I reconcile my circumstances in comparison to theirs? -- Uneasy, Boston

DEAR UNEASY: Being generous with your friends is a kind and thoughtful action. Be careful not to overdo it, though. You run the risk of creating expectations that you will foot all of the bills when you are together. Balance that out.

In terms of how you live your life, do it without talking about it. Make your improvements, take your trips and do what you do without fanfare. When your friends visit, welcome them to your home and share your bounty without bragging about it or revealing costs. Your low-key manner will help to ease the economic divide.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I need to get a baby sitter for my son. I am going back to work, and he is too young for school.

The other moms I know have hired women who are good at child care but are paid off the books. All these women I’ve met are undocumented, which seems to be the trend here. From wealthy moms to those who are struggling, they all seem to hire in this way.

I’m afraid if I hire someone who is undocumented, I could get in trouble down the line. When I researched the on-the-books nannies, the prices were sky high. I’m not sure what to do. None of my friends have been caught. Do you think that is just the way it is now? -- Find a Nanny, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR FIND A NANNY: It is true that many mothers/families in New York City -- as well as other parts of the country -- employ undocumented workers to care for their children. This is not a new phenomenon; it is part of the ecosystem of the United States’ economy, believe it or not. But that doesn’t make it legal. There are many manual labor jobs, as well as home-care jobs, that are filled each year by people who are trying to get a leg up and pursue the American dream. And many of those people are living in the shadows.

In New York City some public officials have lost their jobs due to hiring undocumented nannies or hiring people for whom they did not pay taxes. It is illegal to hire someone and not contribute payroll taxes to the government.

You should hire a person who is filing with the IRS and paying taxes. There are undocumented workers who are on the road to legal status who do have legal identification and are law-abiding taxpayers. They would be the safest hires within that category, whereas documented immigrants (those with employment visas or green cards) or American citizens are best.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It’s not even Halloween yet, and my kids are already telling me what they want for Christmas. That’s because the kids’ channels they watch are cluttered with toy commercials. I hate it because I do not want them to think we are materialistic. I was taught to think of Christmas as a time to give to others and to spread joy, not to chalk up how much loot I collected. How can I teach this to my kids if they are inundated by commercial pleas to have their parents buy them things? -- In the Spirit, Cincinnati

DEAR IN THE SPIRIT: Your job is to teach your children your values. One way to do this is to limit their exposure to television. The fewer commercials they see, the less their longing will be for something they may not even want. Give them guidance on how you approach gifts during the holidays. Can they request one main gift? What are the boundaries of their wish lists? Tell them, and set their expectations for what they will receive and for what you expect them to give. By changing the conversation, you help to balance what they are seeing from outside sources and what you believe.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)