DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter starts off shy and then warms up after a while. Because she is slow to interact with people, some think she is shy or unfriendly. That’s not the case at all. It’s more like she starts off as an observer, figures out who she wants to talk to and then slowly opens up to that person. In our fast-paced world, this can cause problems. I’m worried that now, when she’s interviewing for high school, that the first impression people may have of her is that she is not interested in their school. What can I do to help her to pick up her pace? -- Press Fast Forward, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR PRESS FAST FORWARD: Please know that your daughter is not the only student who can be a little shy at first. Many children need a little coaxing. What you can do to help your daughter prepare for what is a rigorous interview process in New York City is to get her a coach. She needs to practice speaking out loud and talking about herself with confidence and enthusiasm. Generally, that’s not a role best filled by you. It can be a friend who is good at coaching or, better yet, a hired professional to support her through the interviewing process. You can encourage her to think about what she likes about the school she is visiting as well as her interests. Practicing talking about herself is key to losing the butterflies.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had an intern many years ago whom I really liked. He tried to keep in touch with me, which I appreciated, but it was at a time when I was busy building my business, so I was distracted. When I finally realized how dismissive I had been of him and tried to find him, I had no good contact information. Years have passed, and this young man’s teacher, who is my friend, found a letter from him. We have his parents’ contact information. I’m a little nervous. I want to reach out to reconnect with this young man, but I was not responsible years ago. Do you think it’s wise to knock on that door again? -- Closing the Loop, Seattle

DEAR CLOSING THE LOOP: Your sincerity should ring through when you make this next effort. Starting with his parents, write a note, or call if you have a phone number, and say you want to reach out to their son. Remind them of when he worked with you so they will feel comfortable making the connection.

If you do reach the young man himself, start off by saying how happy you are to reconnect. Ask how and what he is doing. Allow him to share his story. Then admit you didn’t feel good about the way you parted ways years ago and that you have tried to find him for some time. Ask for his forgiveness for your lack of responsiveness in the past and see if you can forge a relationship now. There is a chance he could be in a busy phase, but your overture should count for something.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My twin sons are in eighth grade. Their middle school ends at eighth, so we are shopping for schools now. It’s driving me nuts. I went to public school in my hometown, and it was great. They are in private school, and we are looking at private, aka independent, high schools now, but it’s expensive. I don’t know how we are going to be able to afford to pay for high school and then college. My husband and I earn a modest living. We are applying for financial aid, but I worry about getting enough money from a scholarship. What do you recommend? -- Next High School, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR NEXT HIGH SCHOOL: The high school process can be harrowing, especially in New York. What you should do is fill out the paperwork for financial aid eligibility as soon as possible. When you speak to schools, tell them you will definitely need aid and ask what the ranges are for what they give to families. Typically, schools with large endowments have more flexibility when it comes to supporting students’ education. Those are the schools you should target when you know you need financial support.

However, don’t overlook public high schools. New York City is famous for excellent public high schools that are as competitive as many of the independent schools. While hard to get into, they provide an excellent education at no cost. Consider the gamut of what high school education has to offer. Do not go into debt trying to pay for a school you cannot afford.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a woman of a certain age, and I am discovering that I get hot flashes in the blink of an eye. I could be walking down the street or sitting in a meeting or talking to my kids. Then suddenly it’s like it’s raining on my face. Sweating is so embarrassing. I don’t know what to do. Should I wipe my face? Excuse myself from the conversation? I want to keep my composure, but it’s impossible sometimes. -- Stop the Rain, Cleveland

DEAR STOP THE RAIN: Menopause can be a difficult stage in life to manage. If you can accept it as a natural part of life, you will be able to live through it better. Practically speaking, wear lightweight clothing, preferably in natural fibers and in layers. Being able to peel off layers when you are hot can be a lifesaver. Avoid wearing clothing that is tight or that binds you. Keep a fan with you at all times. You can whip it out and fan yourself pretty much anywhere you are.

Do your best to stay calm. When you experience any type of extreme emotion, you will likely have a hot flash. Staying even-tempered helps to keep your body cooler. Finally, go to see your gynecologist and talk about natural hormone replacement options that may help you to go through this stage more easily.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I worked for a year on a project with a woman who had good intentions but who was often late and even more often was abrupt in the way she talked to me and to others on our team. I endured it during those 12 months, but I’m wondering if I want to work with her anymore. It was hard, and I’m kind of sensitive to lots of things, including timeliness and communication style. She is a team member and equal to me, but her behavior makes it hard to work as a team.

I was recently asked by the boss to stay on. I can use the money, but I worry that I will become angry if I have to keep making up for what this woman lacks. What can I do? -- Filling the Divide, Milwaukee

DEAR FILLING THE DIVIDE: Talk with your boss about the opportunity being offered to you. Thank him or her for believing in you and wanting to keep you on the team. Describe to the boss what you like about the job and ask if you can share what you consider the difficulties to be. Explain that you have experienced conflict with the woman in question. Admit you have considered not staying on at the company because of the specific interactions you have had with this woman. Ask if the boss can help make the work experience more comfortable.

Know that you risk losing your job by bringing this up. Since you were ready to walk anyway, you might as well tell your boss what your concerns are. He or she may not be aware of what’s going on in the office and may be able to help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The fall season is upon us, and it’s busy for me. I am happy that I have lots to do at work and in my social life, but I can’t figure out how to juggle everything. Just last week, I was invited to three events on one night and at least two on every other weeknight. I am young, and I understand this is my time to be out and about, but I can’t do everything. It’s making me too tired at work. How do I manage my schedule, bow out of some things gracefully and not make enemies? -- On the Go, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR ON THE GO: Keep a schedule of your week, including all key work duties as well as all invitations. Prioritize the invites that will further your career ambitions, expand your knowledge or fortify your friends and family. Your goal should be to strike a balance in your life between work and play. Agree to attend the key events and stay there only until the time that you know is your cutoff.

When you know you are overextended, RSVP that you cannot attend. You can write a brief note saying you are sure it will be a great event and you regret not being able to be there. Be honest with yourself and those who have invited you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)