DEAR HARRIETTE: My twin sons are in eighth grade. Their middle school ends at eighth, so we are shopping for schools now. It’s driving me nuts. I went to public school in my hometown, and it was great. They are in private school, and we are looking at private, aka independent, high schools now, but it’s expensive. I don’t know how we are going to be able to afford to pay for high school and then college. My husband and I earn a modest living. We are applying for financial aid, but I worry about getting enough money from a scholarship. What do you recommend? -- Next High School, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR NEXT HIGH SCHOOL: The high school process can be harrowing, especially in New York. What you should do is fill out the paperwork for financial aid eligibility as soon as possible. When you speak to schools, tell them you will definitely need aid and ask what the ranges are for what they give to families. Typically, schools with large endowments have more flexibility when it comes to supporting students’ education. Those are the schools you should target when you know you need financial support.

However, don’t overlook public high schools. New York City is famous for excellent public high schools that are as competitive as many of the independent schools. While hard to get into, they provide an excellent education at no cost. Consider the gamut of what high school education has to offer. Do not go into debt trying to pay for a school you cannot afford.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a woman of a certain age, and I am discovering that I get hot flashes in the blink of an eye. I could be walking down the street or sitting in a meeting or talking to my kids. Then suddenly it’s like it’s raining on my face. Sweating is so embarrassing. I don’t know what to do. Should I wipe my face? Excuse myself from the conversation? I want to keep my composure, but it’s impossible sometimes. -- Stop the Rain, Cleveland

DEAR STOP THE RAIN: Menopause can be a difficult stage in life to manage. If you can accept it as a natural part of life, you will be able to live through it better. Practically speaking, wear lightweight clothing, preferably in natural fibers and in layers. Being able to peel off layers when you are hot can be a lifesaver. Avoid wearing clothing that is tight or that binds you. Keep a fan with you at all times. You can whip it out and fan yourself pretty much anywhere you are.

Do your best to stay calm. When you experience any type of extreme emotion, you will likely have a hot flash. Staying even-tempered helps to keep your body cooler. Finally, go to see your gynecologist and talk about natural hormone replacement options that may help you to go through this stage more easily.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I worked for a year on a project with a woman who had good intentions but who was often late and even more often was abrupt in the way she talked to me and to others on our team. I endured it during those 12 months, but I’m wondering if I want to work with her anymore. It was hard, and I’m kind of sensitive to lots of things, including timeliness and communication style. She is a team member and equal to me, but her behavior makes it hard to work as a team.

I was recently asked by the boss to stay on. I can use the money, but I worry that I will become angry if I have to keep making up for what this woman lacks. What can I do? -- Filling the Divide, Milwaukee

DEAR FILLING THE DIVIDE: Talk with your boss about the opportunity being offered to you. Thank him or her for believing in you and wanting to keep you on the team. Describe to the boss what you like about the job and ask if you can share what you consider the difficulties to be. Explain that you have experienced conflict with the woman in question. Admit you have considered not staying on at the company because of the specific interactions you have had with this woman. Ask if the boss can help make the work experience more comfortable.

Know that you risk losing your job by bringing this up. Since you were ready to walk anyway, you might as well tell your boss what your concerns are. He or she may not be aware of what’s going on in the office and may be able to help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The fall season is upon us, and it’s busy for me. I am happy that I have lots to do at work and in my social life, but I can’t figure out how to juggle everything. Just last week, I was invited to three events on one night and at least two on every other weeknight. I am young, and I understand this is my time to be out and about, but I can’t do everything. It’s making me too tired at work. How do I manage my schedule, bow out of some things gracefully and not make enemies? -- On the Go, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR ON THE GO: Keep a schedule of your week, including all key work duties as well as all invitations. Prioritize the invites that will further your career ambitions, expand your knowledge or fortify your friends and family. Your goal should be to strike a balance in your life between work and play. Agree to attend the key events and stay there only until the time that you know is your cutoff.

When you know you are overextended, RSVP that you cannot attend. You can write a brief note saying you are sure it will be a great event and you regret not being able to be there. Be honest with yourself and those who have invited you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: How long do you wait when you are invited to come to a meeting at someone’s office, but when you get there it’s an open working space and you can’t find the person anywhere? I get the economy of open spaces without administrative assistants, but it backfired on this day.

I arrived a few minutes early, tried to figure out where the woman I was meeting could be, emailed her, called the office phone and cellphone that were listed in her email signature, and nothing. I waited for a half-hour before I left. I didn’t have a way to leave her a note, so I sent her an email. Should I have waited longer? -- Disconnected, Chicago

DEAR DISCONNECTED: How important the meeting is for you should determine how long you wait. A half-hour to an hour seems reasonable. One of the biggest challenges in today’s open workspaces that do not have receptionists is that it can be difficult to find people when you are trying to reach them. Next time you could call or email in advance to confirm your meeting. On the back end, you sent the email. Be sure to follow up -- without an attitude -- to reschedule.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been close friends with a guy for about five years. We used to work together and grew close as strictly platonic friends. He is about 10 years younger than me. I know he has a drinking problem, but it mostly hasn’t affected me. We don’t work together anymore or even live in the same town. I was going out to his hometown for work and contacted him to get together. We agreed about the plan and were both excited. When the time came, he didn’t show or call. I was so mad.

I don’t know if he passed out from being drunk or if he flaked because his girlfriend is jealous of our friendship. Either way, I think it sucks. We are close, and I think I at least deserve a call. We used to think of ourselves as best friends. Do you think a serious girlfriend could stand in the way of us keeping our friendship? He texted me a few days later apologizing, but that really isn’t good enough. -- Stood Up, San Diego

DEAR STOOD UP: The good news is, you know he is alive and remorseful. You need to have a heart-to-heart discussion with him. Give him a chance to tell you what happened. Listen, and then tell him how hurt you were by his unexplained absence. Remind him that you thought you two were best friends and that you believe you deserved at least a call saying he wasn’t coming.

Ask him if your friendship is causing problems in his relationship. Be direct. You need to understand what’s going on. Finally, ask him about his drinking. Let him know you are concerned that he drinks too much and could be putting himself in harm’s way. Discuss the status of your friendship, your hopes and expectations. Decide whether it can continue after your evaluation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)